Team C-NUT

Everybody has our measure

November 24

"Yeah, he ran sixth in the Olympics"

KY, KT, Rob, Joe, Pina, Pauly and Julian rose early to get to Frankston and back. Julian somehow thought he could get to Frankston and back on his 3rd ride with no food. Rob turned back early but Julian exploded with Pauly nursing him back to Moonee Ponds. It was a long way back with KT crushing all of us, except for the wheelchair athlete who did not think we were fast enough as we were swapping turns.

Votes :

3 - KT - for the crushing

2 - Julian - fair over estimation of fitness

1 - Pauly - for the love

November 17

The Focus Boys were will looked after by Jade

Pauly, KY, The Mayor and Julian once again teamed up for a ride around Keilor and Brimbank. It was nice to see Julian hit the tarmac at low speed as opposed to high speed and it was nearly, but not quite, as hysterical as The Captain's coming off earlier in the year. While The Mayor and Julian had to turn around early KY and Pauly tested their Focus's on Feathertop, Brimbank and the secret Quarry hills.

A nice coffee in Essendon with vanilla slice and muffin, and it was the end of a nice 70km jaunt.

Joe and his fast crew evidently smashed their way to King Lake, and once again were too shit frightened to mix it with the bongoes and knitted jumpers for the best chai in the world.

Votes :

3 - Julian - refused to wait on the ground for the obligatory photo.

2 - The Mayor - stop turning early.

1 - Joe - no chai means no intestional fortitude

November 10

Julian still suffering the effects of the near vomit on Yarra Street

Pauly, KY, The Mayor and new rider Julian decided a liitle rain was not enough to stop them riding to the Boulevard. A good introduction for our slow pace and of course, all new riders need to tackle Yarra Street.While KY and Pauly were coming down they noticed Julian hunched over his bike at the round a bout. That was it for him. Nearly a spew but he held it in, but could not go any further! The Mayor had to nurse Julian home, while KY and Pauly kept going for some light lung busting. Coffee was consumed at Club Archer. Archie has been a little crook lately and no doubt will be better soon to smash us.

Votes :

3 - Julian - did his best but could not get past the Yarra Street round a bout. In CNUT tradition - SOFT!

2 - Archie - a great MTB story where he busted his derailer and walked would you believe! While he was SICK as well!

1 - Pauly - for the wool.

October 20

The Mayor, Jason, The Captain, KY, Joey and for a short time Archie cruised the Kew Boulevard for a few laps. Some did more than others, some smashed, some got smashed.

Votes :

3 - The Mayor - another dodgy cafe

2 - The Captain - that 'look' was spotted again on one of the climbs - The Terminator

1 - Archie - happy 40th and his shortest ride ever.

October 13

"Joe on the DOGMA - now favourite to take on Supa for the "Bling award"

Saturday - a gentle cruise to Mordy with Joe, KY and the Mayor, together with the return of Fast Crew members PC and Rob, and also Crusty Mark and The Captain made a return.

With the breeeze it was a beautiful thing. Somehow The Captain and The Mayor took to the front, maybe to look good riding past Cafe Racer, but once Joey on his formula one Dogma and Rob got to the front The Captains innards were trying to get out in the open air. The Mayor looked after him at Black Rock, while PC and ROB turned, and it was left to Joey, KY and Mark to battle the poons to Mordy. A quick turn around to resume the battle with plenty of poonarge with Joey doing the bulk of the work into the wind, sorting out all hangers on. Donuts were cold, coffee at it's ordinariness best at Eurpoa. The Captain and The Mayor snorted theirs before the others arrived. A pretty standard Beach Road ride, a few people yelling what to do and not to do, a few people taking the whole road, and a few riding past us smashing it, only to be shelved 5 minutes later as we passed them!

Votes :

3 - Joe - the self trimming Super Record EPS on the Dogma trimmed itself off the front chainring. Joe - "Thought that was never supposed to happen"

2 - Mark - said to KY "you've smashed me". Guaranteed those words will never be said again!

1 - The Captain - yep, had a go, a real red hot go, BUT EXPLODED!

Rutherglen October 6

"It's Traditional"

Wet, wet, wet - a quick ride with the locals before extreme conditions set in. Pauly only had the mountain bike so rode with the locals and rturned off into the forest. Pina (known to the locals as "The Spartan") complained about his back, the locals listened, CNUT's ignored it, Piffy rode manfully on his single speed, KY listened to the stories of wife swapping in Rutherglen, and Archie revved up his heart muscle to 250 bpm to win the sprint from the front. Yes, that is correct - 250bpm! The Captain was more concerned how much fat was on the bacon while The Mayor was "Dad of the weekend".

It was the 1st "no winery ride" day after at least 15 years of going to Rutherglen. A few rode - this was the outcome (fair wet weather gear)

Otherwise another great weekend and thanks to Wendy for the organising from our cycling crew. BBQ's, beers, $4 muscats, betting, open neck shirts - the weekend had it all!

A great tradition - including the southing of Walnut Red Shooters at Chambers. Sorry it was Walnut Muscat this time.

Votes :

3 - The Captain - for reinforcing that he is a bogan despite wearing clothing that added up to well over 1000 euro.

2 - Archie - for not allowing the locals to get close.

1 - Pina, KY, Piffy, The Mayor - for being sensible most of the time.

Grand Final Ride - Black Rock

"The Alaskan jacket in full flight!"

Joey, KY, The Mayor, Pauly and Wiz took the soft option and journeyed to Black Rock. KY and The Mayor were nursing massive hangovers but there was no need to pedal on the way down with a huge tail wind. Nice nice toast in Black Rock (The Mayor was so crook he could not eat it!) and it was a smashfest on the return journey. FARKIN WIND was horrific as Joe and KY tried to keep it at 30kmh. As per Beach road this does not satisy all and 'the old light trick' was performed near Elwood. No one even acknowledged the work at the front - as usual from Beach Road Poons. Only 60km but the wind made it feel tougher - or was it the 15 scooners the night before?

Later that day Pauly & KY rode to the Napier for a bogan burger and then to the Labour in Vain to watch the Grand Final. The Grining, Pina and daughter Mia turned up. Corbett bravely turned up after the game to take on everyone, in his favourite pink shirt. The result - Pauly the true blood very happy, Corbett ANGRIEST person in Melbourne and Pina enjoying some Special K. (another story to that). Enjoyable day mixing it with big beards, football loving lesbians and Hawthorn wankers drinking red wine.Went back to the Napier to get the bikes for a couple of beers and Corbett refused service. Why? The pink shirt. Interesting ride home for KY and Pauly after gallons of beer and one cider (nearly rode the vomitron).

Votes :

3 - Pauly - for keeping the excitement inside. Great win.

2 - Corbett - for taking the loss it on the chin, and then getting ANGRY. He called the Swans FARKIN CxxNTS. It's not their fault, it's Buddy's.

1 - Pina - for the comment "they will come to me". And they did!

September 22

"Somehow an Olympic relay torch turned up at the Gold Coast."

Wiz took KY to some hill called Springbrook on the Gold Coast after more than a few bevvies the night before. 95kms of dryness. One decent hill but beautiful conditions. A good warm up before his Olympic distance tri the next day.

Votes :

3 - Wiz - for sprinting past the killer magpie so that it attacked KY.

2 - KY - made it riding Wizza's bike, numb fingers, sore knees, sore pelvis.

1 - The Captain - for enlarging girth in Italy 

September 15

"New rider, Frank. Hopefully not too disturbed after the first ride!"

A nice ride including KY, Pauly, The Mayor, Joe, Jason & Pina with potential new member, Franky, to Mordi for some donuts and Mayor pain. Fair look when I told him we are going down Lorimer. Perfect conditions, no pain but donuts were cold, and coffee colder. May need to reassess coffee option.

Votes :

3 - Joe - for terrorizing a young female tri athlete. She kept passing us on the flat but couldn't ride up hills. Joe called a 'wheel sucker'.

2 - Pina - turned early for better option......a female

1 - The Mayor - the look

September 8

The return of Pina, KY, Pauly, The Mayor joined forces the the 2nd Wizza ride on his visit from the Gold Coast.

Wizza assumed he has acclimatised to queensland weather and wore an Alaskan deep sea fishing vest he must have bought before he started Ironman training. A pleasant ride along the Maribyrnong River to Williamstown and not quite to Altona as the crossing was flooded due to the incoming tide. The Mayor took part of it on and now needs a new Italian bottom bracket. Altona locals just rode through it, barefooted, as Pina made the call for coffee. Pina decided Yarraville as he wanted to male couples to check out middle aged blokes in lycra. A couple of White Rabbit ales were consumed along with coffee and heavily buttered apricot bread, served by a heavily tatted female with dark glasses. Pina has decided that's the look he is after. The ride back with the wind was easy, past the polystyrene monument and to Fuel Cafe in Moonee Ponds. A nice ride.

Votes :

3 - Wizza - The Vest

2 - The Mayor - What a pity you didn't go down

1 - Pina - for the return

August 24

Plum it

Saturday - KY, Jason, Supa and Chris ventured to Mordy on a crisp and windy morning. All was going to plan, no pedalling required with the tail wind, the crew lead from the front and avoided big groups on the way there. On the way back KY tried to keep the crew away from any group by leading from the front but eventually it got too much as 7kms into the wind nailed him. The twin "Zero RH+" boys Chris and Supa could not resist as Hawthorn Cycling Club rode past so we all joined in. Poon city it was! The speed was over 40kmh in a group that was all over the place. KY decided to drop to last only to discover another 30 had joined in. Memories of Joe's spill were there as Jason was spat off the back. The only good thing about the group was the WOOD BIKE. What a masterpiece! It was then plum time with some less than ordinary coffee. This was made up for by the sites of Acland Street.

Sunday - The Corbett and Archie raced the cyclocross. Suppose they have to use those bikes in everyone of the 4 races that exist. Heard nuthin' on how they went.

3 - Chris - in a bit of form, just don't join in with Poon groups

2 - Supa - see Chris's votes

1 - Jason - where the fxxx did he get to?

4-8-12 The Boulevard

"KY settling himself with a mulled wine after the morning's hilarity" - Some shoeshop in Carlton

It was KY, The Captain, Jason, The Mayor and Pauly who talked each other into riding The Boulevard on a wet Saturday morning. A fairly standard 'ride with the lot' including the school hill and Yarra Street. The Mayor has to leave early to complete his 'cross training' so that he can be on next year's start line for the Melbourne Marathon, and he missed what was about to occur. The Captain, as expected, made the call to finish the ride early, but not before KY oredered him to go up Yarra Street one last time. For some reason he took off and went for an early run up the hill. However, he did not wipe enough speed off to make the turn into Yarra Street on the wet surface, and went straight, skidding into the gutter, and doing a 'Superman' over the bars, luckily landing on some soft grass. Pauly & KY could not believe their eyes, and could not contain themselves. A group of riders immediately behind rode past and were highly impressed with what had just occurred, and highly impressed with KY and Pauly's reaction! The result - a busted $360 helmet, a tube protruding schwable and pride severely hurt. It was a no photo zone. (There were a few - see 2012 pics). The crew were able to make it to one of Pauly's cafes (formerly an italian shoe shop) with KY enjoying a microwaved mull wine.

Votes :

3 - The Captain - absolutely HILARIOUS (could have been worse though - lucky)

2 - Jason - was given the opportunity to pick a cafe, but got us all lost.

1 - The Mayor - for 'cross training' - WTF?

1 -

Wizza Ride 28-7-12

"How good is this, The Captain on the way to ordering 15 South Melbourne Dim Sims. In hindsight - an over order"

Saturday - "The Wizza Ride"

It was the return of Wizza from the Gold Coast (with KY, The Mayor, The Captain, Pauly and Jason) in perfect conditions for someone coming from heat, FREEZING AND WET. It was also the return of :

1. A Beach Road ride (did not disappoint. The Captain and The Mayor turned around at Black Rock to continue their Neanderthal grunting conversation, while Wizza, KY, Jason & Pauly continued to Mordy. Their was a huge explosion as Jason had his turn at the front. Some poons were arguing in the peleton as Pauly tried to calm things down. KY decided the best place was to be at the front as he sorted someone out who was taking him on. Jason's explosion caused him to drop off but for some reason continued past Mordy. 4 phone calls later and he realised we were not there. Wizza made the comment 'no more racing' as we sauntered back to Acland Street much to the disgust of The Captain and The Mayor who were freezing, but admiring the Polish scenery.

2. Polish Donuts - they were cold, but served by some Eastern European quality which we have come to expect.

3. South Melbourne Dim Sims - after Pauly headed home, the 5 left consumed 15 dimmies. 3 massive dimmies were great, but with 15kms to get home the taste of the burps were slight funky.

4. Pellegrinis - strudel was considered but not consumed. The coffee was top notch, but a little strong for the skinny cappa man, Wizza, who is now used to franchise coffee places only.

5. Beers at Club Young - a nice finish to the ride. If KY had a spa it would have been perfect but the beer finally put an end to the reconstituted dimmy taste.

It was great to catch up with Wizza again and if anyone is on the Gold Coast, he would welcome freeloading. He has a no undie policy though (for himself). You are warned.

Votes :

3 - Jason (could have taken over from Jason Ellis) - turned up late due to the fact he turned his phone off while Essendon were getting shat on (so not to receive messages), and therefore had no alarm. Also for exploding, losing the group, and nearly getting to Frankston.

2 - The Captain - way too excited with the dimmy order. New policy, under order and then buy another if required.

1 - Wizza - great to see you back and great to hear you say "I'M ROOTED!"

Weekend July 20 & 21

Long live the pirateLampre zero7Wilier factory tour - enrico & john

Now for the obligatory Italiano chow down post raceNear enough to 4000 vertical meters today in charley Gaul granfondo - smashed!Here we go again. Charley gaul granfondoReady to race

Gruppo degrandi on wilier test rideCould almost turn for this one. Wilier 2013 cento1 SLRMorning tea Italian style

"Joey in Italy at it again - riding something they call an Italian Commodore otherwise known as a Wilier"

Joe in Italy part 2 - "Near enough to 4000 vertical meters today in charley Gaul granfondo - smashed!"


El Corbetto - raced Melbourne to Ballarat. Was exposed to full on racing............and full on body odour from some Pommy!

KY - only 30kms due to 2 punctures in Anglesea. The hot chocolate with Baileys at 8am soothed his anger.

Others - clueless!

Votes :

3 - The Corbett - great effort in getting there without a vomit (was evidently close)

2 - Joey - for his new mates with high shorts. Is that Euro?

1 - KY - found the solution to anger management - Baileys.

July 13

BeautiesBeauties 2

"Post ride activity - pretty normal"

Saturday - Pre Piffy Party ride saw KY, Pauly, Brendo & Piffy do this It was cold, wet, ugly and ugly when Piffy got back home (due to not telling Cath he was riding when 40 guests were coming to party)

The Corbett completed his training for the Melbourne to Ballarat by smashing King Lake for the upteenth time.

Supa visited Wiz at the Gold Coast - there is a dodgy photo that has become viral that needs to be seen. evidently shirts were off.

Tha Captain and The Mayor rode to Hampton and took the safe, stale  option - The Velvet Bar.

THANKS to Piffy and Cath for a great night of cocktails, dodgy music and blokes wearing nappies (WTF?)

Votes :-

3 - Piffy - for the party and getting into some BIG trouble. BIGGER than "Chicken Wing" JUDDY!

2 - Cathy - what a host! Great job with all the food, cocktails

1 - Joe - you are still not pro, but almost! See "Epic Rides"


July 7

"KY now needs to work to pay for trips to the snow."

Some were at the snow, some were in the sun, very few were on the bike.

Archie, Kylie, Piffy and KY's family were enjoying the sunny slopes of Buller while The Mayor was exposing his top half at Coolum with the family.

Pauly got dirty in the excellent MTB trails at Anglesea.

The Corbett once again tried to bust himself around Kinglake.

Votes -

3 - Piffy - after 3 wines, after a full day's skiing, skiied back to to his car via the Home Trail in the dark because there were too many waiting fr the bus! Could have, and should have, been on the news the next day as missing in action. INTELLIGENCE!

2 - Archie - for skiing down a closed run, only for the ski patrol to nab them (Piffy as well) on their ski-doo. Free ski-doo trip! More than a little embarressing  for someone that doesn't like to be embarressed!

1 - Kylie - for going down the closed run first, and being many levels of skill above Archie on the slopes.

1 - Pauly - for his feralness in the bush


June 30

"Three Bags Full - Yeah, nice fruit toast."

Saturday - KY caught up with Archie, and later The Captain at The Boulevard. The Captain arrived after 2 punctures, and broken gear lever. Archie sorted KY out and back to Three Bags Full to drink luke warm coffee and freezing while doing it. They also don't understand the order "same all round again". French toast is not fruit toast!

Joe rode down to Frankston to top up his training for Italy. some poon rode in front of him at 40 kmh and Joe went down like a sack of turd. He would have got angry (as he does with all his stacks!) but no broken bones.  A lucky one on Beach Road - his message - stay in your own group as to avoid the muppets.

Not sure who else rode.

Votes :

3 - Joe - for surviving a TDF like stack

2 - The Captain - that bike is telling you something - UPGRADE

1 - Archie - for missing his 150km group ride, and then thinking KY was at their same level.


Freeza Rooter / Roobaix Weekend

The 'Freeza Rooter' weekend was a tough one but it was great to catch up with our South aussies mates in different territory.

The rooters that joined us were their leader, Ryno, together with Craig, James, Bill, Heardy and Thommo.

Friday - Pauly, KY and  Crusty Mark joined the Rooters for a planned ride to Mordy. Nope, did not make it. The weather was terrible and the rooters could only last to Brighton for a coffee, then it was onto Black Rock. With the smell of South Melbourne dimmies and a strong tailwind we made it to the market. It was supposed to be 2 dimmies per person but somehow Ryno scoffed 3.5. No dimmies in Adelaide so everyone enjoyed them. Across the city to Lygon Street and it was beer and pizza - a beautiful thing. It pissed down and a few wanted to pull the pin. No - Kew Boulevard had to be experienced and one with the lot was endured (Yarra Street, School Hill). Back around the river and it was 93kms over with. A good warm up for the next day's ride.    Later that night a few beers were had in Brunswick Street, service was refused in the Labour and Vain (something about not wearing check shirts), some dodgy vodka and it was home for an early wake up.

Saturday - Loverboy Rob, Ewen, The Mayor, and Piffy mid ride joined the crew for Archie's assault on St Andrews. Thanks to Archie and Kylie for working out the route, although there was plenty of pain. No coffe stops, just steep gradients and bloddy cold in some sections. It was difficult to keep together especially with archie 100m in front the whole way. Finally arriving at St Andrews to the sound of bongos after a request by The Corbett, numerous breakfast pizzas were smashed with plenty of coffee. A few went to the chai tent, and a few left without trying it as they were concerned about the state of the cushions! Ryno confirmed it "best tea he ever had! after some male lovin' at the tent Ryno decided to pull the pin. The Mayor also decided to give Ryno some company also. Lucky Pina was there for the lift. It was a tough ride back to Melbourne. Bill was stuffing Zulu cramp stop tablets into his gob and Pauly was getting angry. Archie was in cuise control. The Rooters were in fine form. somehow we all got back to Fed Square and Ewen and KY finished it off at Pellegrinis. 139kms of enjoyable pain. Beers and fodder were later consumed at The Union Hotel in Brunswick.

Sunday - A big crew at The Roobaix. Usual mayhem. A highlight was the single track Archie took us through, the loss of control on the bridge, and Ryno losing his chain on the Koppenberg. Could not stick together but we all would up at The Great Northern for lunch. A few beers at Club Young in Moonee Ponds and it was all over once again. Another great day put together by Andy and his crew.

A big weekend of riding (for us) and it was a pleasure riding the the South Aussie lads.

Votes :

3 - Ryno - for the continual complaining.

2 - Archie - for dishing out the pain

1 - The rest of The Rooters - for not complaining.

June 16

"Not much singing from The Captain"

Friday - Archie did us proud at the Cyclocross meet at the Brunswick velodrome while Pauly, KY and Kylie drank long cans and Hoogarden from the bleaches. Was cold, tough but archie managed a 4th amongst the heavy hitters.

Saturday - The Corbett and Joey continued ther exploration of the King Lake region while KY, Pauly, Piffy, The Mayor and The Captain did the Mordy thing. Others clueless!

Votes :

3 - Piffy - from Mentone it is now known as the Piffy Playtime. Came from nowhere for some good old fashioned SMASHING! Got bored with others on the way back and coffees were awaiting on arrival at Velvet Bar. Must have votes

2 - Archie - was cold, wet, muddy, had mechanicals, heart rate too high to measure but loves the cross thing.

1 - The Corbett - his comments "Today's ride to Kinglake was an exercise in self abuse that I am not keen to replicate. Time for a nice cup of coffee and a sit down." Well why do you do it almost every week?


June Long Weekend

"Some rode, some ate"

Rides this weekend :

- Joe - "A wet & dirty ride down to Catland singing "we are Geelong" all the way after defeating the blues last night"

- KY - "A great ride around the Great Ocean Road in perfect weather. Was going so slow that the view could be enjoyed!"

- From Pauly riding at Smith's Gully  "Fletty , Ewen and I dodged all the Poons on the road to kinglake as they popped out of the fog. Some blokes in black with no flashers. After Fletty borrowed a helmet from some bloke in a new Merc we headed off following Ewen through the mist. Ewen is in his element here - flowing effortlessly thru the bush. Fletty and I struggled to keep up but it was a great ride - no stacks, no punctures, no fucking cars ."

- The Russman and the Captain had an epiphany over the Queens birthday and realised that the way to get fitter and stronger on the bike is to ride more, so it’s started!

Up early on the Monday holiday to smash, Smash, SMASH! the Keilor hills and airport route.

To the back of the airport, to the control tower, back up concrete hill and wind back through the Strathmore valley to excellent coffee and “Victoria’s best Vanilla slice 2012” (see photo)

Sure, the snot block doesn’t help our weight loss but one must replenish!

A cold but beautiful morning’s ride!


3. Russman. Buy some winter long knicks! It was 4 degrees!

2.The Captain. Blowing hard up an incline 1.3 km’s into the ride!

1. Youngy. For a text that simply read: SMASH SMASH SMASH YEEERRRRRR!


June 2 & 3

"Saturday at Pellegrinis - standard mayhem!"

Saturday :

The Mayor, KY and Supa enjoyed some perving and a little riding around The Boulevard.

Joe & El Corbetto went 'mano-a-mano' up Kinglake very early.

Archie & Ewen went on a recon' mission for the "Freeza Croweater" ride coming up finding some hills and more importantly eateries (including breakfast pizzas - WTF?)

Sunday :

KY & Pauly endured the pain of the Whittlesea Challenge. Their theory was to start in the last group so that less people would pass them! They both were a little excited early and swapped off the front in a very swift group. Pauly told KY 'there is a long way to go' and yes there was with another 70kms. Being rooted wasn't an option at this stage. KY tried to eat his entrance fee from the well catered stops, eating bars, sucking down goo, swallowing what he thought were strawberry & cream sweets and indulging whatever fruit he could. The result was a huge pain in the guts with about 30kms to go. Pauly was strong at this stage and finished the ride well (apart from talking himself out of the last hill). South Melbourne dimmies were purchased at Vista's supermarket and it was day over, a good one at that.

Archie went for a MTB jaunt in the 'burbs'. In his own words "Just back from some muddy trails at Westgate Park. Didn't know that during winter the carpark is a beat. Nothing like some queer fish leering at you from their car window to make you feel all dirty - and not in a good way."

Votes :

3 - Archie - for admitting where his secret spot is

2 - Pauly - 107 hard kilometres for the City of Whittlesea

1 - El Corbetto - for Buddy Franklin

May 26 & 27

"A couple of blokes getting dirty in blackwood on Sunday"

Saturday - KY rode with Furios Cafe in anglesea and did it hard. Joe went by his lonesome for 115 kms to Olivers. El Corbetto was sulking in the city with the $11 Sangrias and the fact that Hawthorn got shat on!

Sunday - The plan was :  Sundays Ride - Cross or Mountain Bike
Lads Archie and I are going to head off into the wilds of Wombat this Sunday on the shiny cross bikes. Going to ride from Gisborne to Blackwood and back to Gisborne. All the riding will be on fire trails and dirt roads so anyone can do it. (There will be an optional single track run from Blackwood to O'Briems crossing - the b line is on bitumen and paved dirt )

The result was (from Pauly) : "80 kms of dirts roads, steep climbs, sketchy downhills, single track and trying in vain to keep Archie in sight. Great day out!"

Votes :

3 - Pauly - we can't understand what the pain would have been like trying to keep up with Archie.

2 - Joe - only rides with the crew when Geelong are in form (They won, but ordinary)

1 - El Corbetto - yes they are one Euro in Madrid - get over it!

1 - Archie - is it possible to ride together in the dirt?

19 & 20 May

"Alternative action for the longboard on Sunday"

"Pauly and KY with no jackets gort drenched at the Bouly. Not sure if the coffee shop in Collingwood appreciated the wetness"

Archie did the Grand Fondo "Give or takemolto puncturos, Dirty Grand Fondo was troppo fantastico!"

El Corbetto did this :

"Sunday 20th May – Chase The Sun MTB Enduro 5 hour
I know a few years ago I claimed I would never do this event again, but in my still strange world of post Espana bike madness I thought I am going to have another crack. I should have known that this would hurt after what I did to myself on the Otway Odyssey. I should have known my MTB skills still have a long way to go when past the O.O. I managed to burn my front brakes completely out.
So to solve this problem and lack of ability what do I do? I go out and buy myself a Scott Scale 10 MTB. It doesn't deserve the treatment I give it. I can't do it's ability justice. But hell it is nice to ride.
Once again I signed myself up for the solo event because that's the way I roll. I get to Lysterfield just in time to get the last car park saving myself a long walk with all the supporting supplies that I MTB racing seems to require. Learning from previous attempts out here I did 2 additional things. I went for a recon lap the day before where I found out the power link in my chain wasn't as powerful as I thought and saw the chain fall off. Nothing like the high quality of XTR components. A quick fix and I was on my way. Recon lap done. The second thing I did was warm up with some light riding before the start so the heart rate didn't jump to 200 and stay there. So far so good.
One of the big contrasts between MTB events and road racing (other than the lack of paving) is the different attitude to getting things started on time. As usual the start of the race was delayed 30 minutes so more time to roll around and think "what are you doing here?"
These MTB races have a self seeded start and with me doubting my own ability starts right at the back. The inevitable outcome of which is me passing 100's of muppets in the first 2kms who make me annoyed at both them for getting in my way and not being able to ride, and at me for not starting closer to the pointy end. The initial start loop usually sorts out the muppets and the weak of heart so all way good. Lap 1 is always one in which you are working your way into the rightful spot.
The course varies with each race and for some reason these shorter 5 hour ones involves lots of technical up hill, winding single track and the section that always brings me undone at Lysterfield – the rock gardens. The new bike loved it and teased me to take it all on.
On the first lap I was feeling good and already thinking through my race plan. Previous attempts I had some rest between each lap before heading out again. I decided half way through lap 1 I would just keep going. I had enough fluid for a couple of laps so just keep going. I did.
Each lap was getting faster and faster and by lap 3 it was time to refuel and keep going. A quick handful of snakes, a muesli bar and a new Bidon and on my way in 2 minutes. Still feeling good. A flying 4th lap where I went everywhere I wanted and flowed around the course. With less than 1km to the end disaster, with the chain coming undone again. A quick amount of swearing then some rapid composure to think about what to do next. I grabbed the chain and chucked it into my pocket and realised there wasn't a hope in hell in finding the link again. Most of the trail was down hill other than a short sharp climb in front of me. Thank goodness I had the new Carbon bike and not the old Cannondale as I just ran up the hill with the bike over the shoulder. At the top of the hill straight onto the bike and then down hill flat out with the help of gravity. Back through the transition zone and straight over to the SRAM tent. A bit of "I Need a new Power Link" to the guys there who just!
 looked at me, grabbed the bike, repaired the chain and sent me on my way. A F1 speed repair job and one of my fastest laps of the day despite the break down. Running on excitement I smashed out another lap before coming back to refuel and keep going.
The warning signs were there from late in lap 5. I was checking my watch thinking this is further than I got last time I raced this and I still have 90 minutes left. The nagging bite of cramp was starting down my hamstrings. I was peddling squares up hill trying to grind a big gear like some crazed Road Rider. Lap 6 things we starting to go south with fatigue setting in. Missed timed braking and turns, a sight overshoot of a corner. I should have paid attention but I keep pushing hard.
Rolling around for lap 7 with only 4 hours down I thought to myself I am in with a chance of getting to 8 laps (3 more than my previous attempt) so I pushed on. I attacked the decent on the fire trail hitting +60kmh on gravel and I couldn't care less, leaning hard into the corner and onto the single track I was flying. Then came the first climb of lap 7 and the legs called out "no more big fella". Back to low gear and spin up hill going slower than walking pace travelling the close line between cramp and useful leg work.
Jumps that were easy and corners that should be fast and flowing became out of control. I hadn't fallen off the edge into yelling at myself but it wasn't far off. This lap was going to be slower, but if I could just push on I could get through the start-finish in under 5 hours and head back out for lap 8. It didn't happen. My smash and bash style of riding was coming back to haunt me.
In the end I crossed the line for lap 7 in just over 5 hours. It was all over. I did get a free muesli bar for my $65 and 5 hours of effort.
Provisional results at the finish line had me 15th in the 40+ Men Solo category and about 120th overall. I was wasted but I know there is potential for improvement for the 7 hour in July.
Looking forward to getting a teamcnut squad together to race as a team in the 8hr race in September if anyone is mad enough. The one thing I admire about the MTB scene compared to the Road bike set is they embrace beer as an option, and that can only be a good thing.
Time now to start looking ahead to the next ride (most likely Melbourne – Ballarat in July)

Votes :

3 - El Corbetto - continuing to be mad

2 - The Archer - any dirt around, he turns into the Mud Man from Castlevania

1 - Pauly - no need for thermal, no need for jacket, no need for 3/4's or long, SORRY, there was anedd for them all.

May 12

The Captain - yep there is a line up when we go there - Yeah right.

A few took to the Boulevard for some hip snapping action. The best part - Pellegrinis once again.

Corbett did the hard man thing as this is what occurred :

Saturday 12th May – Philip Island Road Race
"I should have seen the warning signs that morning. It was damn cold and it was wet in Blackburn, so why would I think it would be any better at Philip Island where a South Westerly blowing straight off Bass Strait would dish out some special hurt. I never learn.
The weather had thinned out the potential racers and it was left to only the hard or the insane (or a little of both) to contest the CCCC Philip Island Grand Prix race. The 15 laps scheduled was reduced but the race officials to 13 laps due to the weather. I am not sure it made any difference. The two laps of neutral racing behind the marshal car was still to hot for the lower grades and a fair chunk of those competing with me. Once the car pulled away it was racing on. Unlike criterium racing the pace gradually wound it's way up rather than an instant jump of 15km/h. This was going to be a race of survival. If you have ever been to the Philip Island Grand Prix circuit you will know it is exposed the elements and not all flat. Both of which dished out the hurt. After each circuit of the course a few more racers dropped off the pace or retired early for  hot shower. By lap 6 the group of 30 was reduced to 10 and with prizes payed down to 4th place the jousting began to drop t!
 he pretenders or weak from the group. Two young guys held on bravely but when they starting wheezing and puffing like old men with emphysema I knew they would be gone.
With 3 laps to go there we 6 of us left with 4 guys clearly working as a team with me and one other without allies. I took the front in my usual stupid way and thought they only way I can get a place or even win here is to dish out some hurt and hope to break them. I sat out in front turning up the pace and attacking where I could. Things we looking up. If I got anywhere between 1 – 4 I would get the automatic upgrade I wanted. I had to remind myself to keep going no matter what. "Shut Up Legs!".
Turning into the home straight and still in front I thought I may be in with a chance here but I had no idea how much damage I had done to the others. I went for it and heard the familiar sound of the change up in gears and the sprint was on down the home straight. I wound up as much as I could, I was pushing but nothing was left in the tank. I had burnt all the matches. The 4 amigos crossed together with me a bike length behind cursing myself and thinking about all the "what ifs". But you know what? After I cooled down on the ride back to the pits I wasn't so hard on myself. More than 75% of people who started didn't finish and of the remainder from our grade we lapped on the last lap. We had put 5kms up on the chase group. My forced promotion to a higher grade will have to wait."
Votes :

3 - The Captain - for trying to impress with a new cafe but failing dismally once again. We won't be joining your world soon.

3 - The Corbett - for being mad!

2 - Supa - for winning 'Fashions on the Field" once again.

1 - The Mayor - late again. Truning into a gentleman.

May 5 & 6


From The Corbett : "Saturday ride for the Eastern Chapter on Team Cnut was a return of the classic Kinglake fatman ride. Initially a squad of 5 was starting but with late scratchings for Joey and Mark it was The Corbett and two new comers Charlie and Steve. As usual the ride to Kinglake was a challenge but all survived. I tool KOM honours and as a result bought the coffees. Sunday was an hour of MTB madness where I realised I have no front brakes or grip left on my rear tyre. Two things to get sorted before 'chase the sun' in two weeks time." 

Others :

Friday night at The Goat. Archie, Kylie, Piffy, Pauly, KY, Ewen, The Mayor, Pina and Pauly all enjoyed the meal at the Roysten (Ewen was less hungry ) . The beers flowed at Mountain Goat with Pina enjoying the traditional 'free' pizza slice. If there was a girl that Pina did not speak to she wasn't there!


Saturday - Jason, PC (fresh from the Paris Marathon) & KY met Brendo & Piffy at The Boulevard. Jason did not start well by confusing himself with his pump and then ripping the valve out before he started. Very cruisey it must be said. Brendo on his single speed tried to get up Yarra Street but stopped 10 metres from the round a bout. He had a rest and then made it to the top (MADNESS!)The ride was finished by a new route (PC's idea) around the Yarra back to Hell's Kitchen. A very enjoyable way to get back to the city.

Votes :

3- Pina - for conversing with every female in Melbourne on Friday night within 5 metres of him. 

2- Brendo - for somehow getting up Yarra Street on that single speed thing.

1 - Jason - he doesn't know Jason Ellis but maybe he should. Clueless on that pump!


April 28

"Pauly on the "Chidley" - 28-4-12

A few rides on the weekend :

KY headed up the Bouly very early and caught up with Scotty, The Captain, The Mayor and Pauly later. A few Yarra's and a few schoolly hills and back to Brunswick with cheese and jam mixed together on toast - WTF? but it was good.

Corbett Report :

"Here's a write up from Sunday's Crits where I got 3rd place. I made a break with 10 minutes to go and the eventual 1st and 2nd place guys went with me. I managed to sit of 45kmh for a few laps but by the last lap I was gone and they rode away from me. No issue as we had created a half lap break.



Saturday was the usual Mordi run with Joe, Supa, Supa's mate and me. The usual spattering of poons and once again I am reminded why  I hate Beach Road. Votes as I saw them:


3 – Joey – too good. Evidently was unhappy with the riding tactics of the Maccabi riders.

2 – Supa – looking $1,000,000 and almost riding as well.

1 – Chris (Supa's mate) nearly exploded on the way to Mordi as the pace was a little too hot but managed to survive for the ride home.

1 - The Corbett - podium, at last!


Weekend April 21 & 22

"Archie in mountain bike mode"
This is it for the weekend :

- KY rode 60kms with The Furios crew from Anglesea. The Mayor enjoyed the scenery around Keilor Hills for 40kms or so.

- From The Corbett - "Supa and myself rode to Mordialloc drafting some poons barely able to ride. Average heart rate 90 and speed 30. No stop at Mordi and straight back to Port Melbourne for coffee. Followed the most useless bunch in beach road in the FIS crew. All the skill of an octopus on rollerskates that lot. Votes :

3 Supa for smashing it.

2 The Corbett because I rode again.

1 Beach Rd for the highest concentration of shit riders on poser bikes anywhere in the world.

 Sunday was CCCC crits. No smashfest as a new approach of zero effort tried. Much better and if it wasnt for some young Buck drifting wide into the last corner and nearly taking three of us out I would have been in the money. "

- From Pauly "CX Ride –  Back streets, single track , gravel paths. No cars – I hate cars.  Chased some Mtbers along the Yarra singletrack. They were pretty surprised some bloke on a CX  sitting right on their tails. Got to love the sound of carbon squeaking in the morning.     Ran out of time – so did not make it to the Hill climb track.  

- From Archie on the Wombat 100 "Raced on Sunday. Was right on track to podium (if not win Masters) – working with a strong group, then ended up passing a 70kms to go sign after doing only 15kms. As such, we’d gone the wrong way and were DNF’d at the 50km mark by race organizers.Were first riders in at 50km, some 20 minutes ahead of the pros. Confused the hell out of the crowd and commentators. Race director said he’ll look into it, and if he deems appropriate issue a refund or free entry to next years. I love that race, but for the second year in a row, the course marking has been absolute shite.

From Pina " <!--[endif]-->I did some riding, but not all of it on a bike bah ha ha (the riding on 2 wheels was fixed!)…. I have no photos to share! I give myself 3 votes for being BOG." NO - ONE VOTE ONLY FOR PINA

April 14

"Casual ride to Mordi with a suprise visitor - The Corbett"

A few rode to Mordi (KY, Jason, The Corbett, Vista & Joey) while a few did some hills (Supa & Brendo) while another did some cyclocross (Pauly). Plenty of votes :

Joey's votes :
3 AC. 114kms easy as you like
2 Vista still riding with knees out too far on the oldest bike seen on beach rd in the last decade
1 KY. smashing himself between lights attempting to stay in touch with remnants of the hell ride
Supa's votes:
Rode from South Yarra to The Basin and met up with Brendovitch. Then up the 1:20 onto Olinda and back.
Overall a good ride, we should all do this one…... but didnt rate the coffee or fruit toast.

1 vote:  Supa, said he would get to The basin at 8.30 and got there at exactly 8.30 without a tow after leaving at 6.55…then doing a PB up the 1:20
2 votes: After Brendovitch waited 10 mins to purchase a water bottle, he didnt even fill it…."an extra Kilo up the hill"
3 votes Brendovitch, for letting 3 old and I mean old women pass him up the 1:20 on their "ladies bikes"

Easter Weekend

"Mountain biking - day one, then day 2, no better - KY at Anglesea"

Thinking a few had a break from the saddle this weekend and ate copius amounts of chocolate.

Only known rides were Pauly & KY's exploits on the mountain bikes. KY's skill level still very low as per the pics.

KY did this...slowly....

3 votes - Brendo for taking his bike to Anglesea, and using every excuse not to ride it, and then not riding it.

2 votes - KY for riding every day

1 vote - Pauly for actually getting out there.

2 votes Pauly - for ploughing thorugh the mud

Others......2 words, you know what they are


Weekend April 1

"The Copper looks better with someone that actually rides " - Fyxo HQ 1st April

Reports to come....

Saturday : KY rode with the Furios Cycling Team in Anglesea, Supa and The Corbett (The Mayor - on cycling leave) smashed themselves to Mordy, Joey , KT and the fast crew rode north to Riddles Creek looking for hills.......others not sure.

Sunday :Archie, The Captain & Pauly visited FYXO headquarters to book a few of us in for the Melburn Roobaix Please enter yourselves after having a read. We all know how good the day is!! The Corbett also did some race smashing at the Glenvale crits only to come up a little short once again.

TOUGH MUDDER : Pina did this somehow on the weekend and survived the ice baths and electrocution cables. See "Epic Rides" for the report

Votes :

3 - Pina - true madness

2 - Pina - sheer lunacy

1 - Pina - The Captain will now love you more (if possible)

Weekend March 23-25

WTF? - Angry Devils

For The Captain - you don't get this inside a car for 14 hours or inside a gallery looking at paintings you see in European Op Shops.

Friday - Paul, KY and later Supa enjoyed some riding on the Anglesea single track. KY crashed on some kindling at 1kmh climbing 25 per cent hurting his wrist. Pauly was as smooth as ever but he also nearly fell in the mud. Supa got lost in the forest somewhere with Pauly finding him miles away where he should have been. Supa made up for it by cooking dinner for the crew mixing the cultures of Morocco and Italy with his spaghetti and spicy meatballs. Beer, wine and Jack Daniels was enjoyed by all, some having more than others by venturing to the pub for their preparation for the Otway Classic the next day.

Saturday - Tanya, Rob, KY, Supa, Wokka, Vista, Wizza and The Mayor woke up with the sound of KY's didgeridoo and scoffed some breakfast (Le Rice included) for the ride around the Otways. A little later than usual meant that the crew got caught up with muppet traffic and they battled to get into a decent group. Supa (aka Stevie) was determined to find the right group and was always ahead in the middle of a bunch while the others tried to get clear. The Mayor had to turn off early and was probably glad to get out of the muppet brigade. Wiz was battling with SRAM and nearly casued a massive accident in the 200 plus group by crunching the gears and going backwards on an incline. KY was looking forward to hearing "My Life" at Dean's Marsh and by coincidence the piano man was playing it as he arrived. There was no lying down here as Vista was revving the local raffle ticket sellers up. He questioned some shoewear (golashes) and was then given a verbal back about how we waltz in and piss everywhere! It was everyman for themselves up Dean's with KY spotting some bloke trying to chat up Tanya. Supa and KY stopped for a photo shoot with the Devils before KY had a decent crack up the hill. Some woman accused KY of trying to spray her. He got confused what this meant and got away from her quick! It was cold on top of Benwarrin so there was little waiting on the summit. Supa got angry on the downhill when KY passed him and somehow turned into Jason Ellis taking on riders in the right hand side of the road. An ambulance picking up an injured rider slowed down the mayhem. Coffee and Thai sausage rolls (just normal sausage rolls served with sweet chilli sauce!) were consumed in Lorne before a slight smashfest back to Airey's where some local brew was enjoyed. A couple of ravings took a shine to Wiz strutting around in his baggy bummed Skins. From Aireys Wiz finally worked out how to work SRAM and settled into a decent clip arriving at Anglesea. We all were gorn but it was a 19 per cent hill left for some. We were officially rooted after this. All finished together and it was another great day around the Otways.On arrival Vista started on the black cans and then fired up the bbq. More amber stuff, and off to the pub. We met Ross there and it was too many beers for some, mixed with Pizza. Wokka survived better than most years and only had a slight tomato blush. Vista and KY were left at the pub with local legend Richo, and with 3 bourbons and 3 beers in the last hour, got out of there. Unfortunately for Vista the Fart Room was 'un-enterable' on arrival with Wizza sleeping through the high level of methane.

This was it

Votes :

3 - Supa - smashed the ride, in some form. Nice meatballs as well.

2 - Vista - for trying to sort out the locals in Dean's Marsh and Anglesea, and barely surviving.

1 - All others on the ride. All had a dip on and off the bike!


March 17 & 18

"Yeah, a nice view but very ordinary dried up toast, again (is that the norm?)" - Docklands

Saturday - KY, The Mayor, Jason, Pauly, Supa & new rider Alex enjoyed the flat ride to Mordy. The Mayor started by running over his $200 Oakley's and didn't bother to pick them up.  The crew stayed in their own group refusing to join in with other muppets despite Supa's insistence to go with other groups. All had a dip at the front, some longer than others. Young Alex's legs were getting 'sore' (recovering from a broken leg from speed skating) so The Mayor looked after him and they turned at Mordy. KY had a chat with a female tri athlete on the way to Carrum, she backed off immediately and was never seen again. Doesn't know what he said! A turn around and a quick stop at Mordy. Was not a smashfest on the way back. Coffee and buttered cardboard (without honey to The Mayor's disgust) at Docklands. 2 well earned beers were consumed at Club Young by KY, Jason and The Mayor. Nice weather, nice ride. 92kms all up.

Votes :

3 - The Mayor - for smashing the Oakleys

2 - Jason - for the near stack in Port Melbourne

1 - Supa - for continually joining in fast groups, only to wait because of other's refusal.

Others :

KT was up the high country, Joe was mixing with the grid girls at the GP, The Captain was filling his shopping trolley with celery sticks at the market, others don't know.

March 10,11 & 12

"Yes KY also completed this, with a little brown action" - Anglesea 12-3-12

Saturday -

KY, KT, Supa, Brendo, Mark, new rider Jason & later The Captain took a stroll around the Boulevard. Jason was introduced to Yarra Street a few times with KT & Mark not getting close to their maximum heart rate on the little climbs. The Captain rocked up a little later with his copper bike "The Plumber" for half a lap! This was the ride Coffee at Pellegrinis where it was discovered KT had not been there at any point in his life! WTF?

The Mayor visited Wiz on the Gold Coast and apart from wearing loud shirts, swimming and drinking coronas at speed, they did a 90km ride with a 1 hour 30 minute climb to Springbrook included.

Sunday -

KY did a recon' ride for the Otway Classic. There were a few dangerous holes and rocks along the way back from Lorne but otherwise it doesn't get much better than this

Monday -

Pauly was teaching KY to stay upright on the MTB at Anglesea. Not that KY saw Pauly much! A highly enjoyable ride followed by a swim in the surf and then beers on the Anglesea Lifesaving Club balcony. That's life!!

While all this was going on Archie did the 3 peaks in the Victorian Alps - SEE HIS REPORT IN "Epic Rides" 3 BIG VOTES TO ARCHIE

The Eastern Chapter From Piffy :

Friday: Stuffed up my lower back & could hardly walk. I probably deserve 1 Vote for failing to notify you of my no-show at the Boulevard on Saturday.


Saturday: Chopped up a tree. Strange therapy for a “saw” back..


Sunday: Walked 16km of the Warburton Trail with Cath. Back somehow feeling better


Monday: Dandys ride with Supa. 1/20 time trial results:

Supa:     22:20     Smokin’.  Was told to slow down after blasting past other poons.

Piff:        24:00     Back fully cured

Brendo: No show. “Too much stuff to do”.  1 Vote


March 3 & 4

A weekend of memories :

Friday : Pauly & KY rode the fixies into Northcote Social Club to meet Ewen and see something like this - except there was very high quality playing the violin.

Saturday : 3 lunatics (Supa, KY and The Mayor) did this. - Supa a little bit more. Absolutely saturated - no coat necessary (we thought). Attacked by rabbits, snails and millipedes. Included gravel riding, grass riding and some single track due to The Mayor's terrible directions. KY vowed never to clean bikes again, especially after he cleaned the The Mayor's during the week. Coffee and toast at Fuel. (Toast was fresh, not 10 days old like the Dandenongs)

Sunday : More lunacy from Archie & Pauly : Archie -"Properly trashed having just done a 70km race in Woodend – AKA the Somme. Pauly didn’t have mud tyres and got scars, I did have mud tyres and got a beard. As Uncle Phil Anderson would say, a real hard mans day out." Pauly - "Ok no cramps. It was unbelievably slippery and wet. Took a couple of crashes. One in the big ring at about 30kmh. Hard but good day out."

Votes :

3 - Archie - for doing us proud, again

2 - Pauly - for doing us proud - and crashing

1 - The Mayor - clueless with directions

And something from Ryno smashing it in Adelaide : "Rode 10kms today, ate a pizza and helped smash 4 bottles of Rose - no poof music or mud guards but I will fit in the new homo bike capital"


Dandys Feb 25

As The Mayor would say "How good is this" - but where the fxxk was he?

Saturday - so it was Piff Manor for a 7am start. Riders were KY, Pauly, The Captain, Joey, KT, Supa and Piffy. Absent were Brendo due to work (he nearly pulled the pin) and The Mayor. His bike was there but he was not. An absolute beautiful day to ride in the hills. Joey arrived with his 5.5 kg Pinarello Movie Star sponsored bike and Supa with some newly acquired Bora's which would have had nil effect going up the hills. KT and Joey smashed everything while the others coughed and farted their way up. The Captain complained but he made it on his wilier with it's old technonolgy. Coffee and dried toast at the once called 'best ever', a couple of new sharp hills thrown into the mix and some extremely dodgy home brews supplied by Piffy. Think The Captain did the old over the shoulder trick into Piffy's garden. A short but very nice ride.

Votes :

3 - Piffy - that homebrew was shite!!! Especially that apple flavoured beer!

2 - The Captain - huffed, puffed and complained but got there!

1 - Joey - admit you are not pro!

The Corbett Report :

"Saturday saw a quick hour of MTB skills training in the pre dawn light around the back of Templestowe. The net result was half a dozen stacks of no real interest and generally just shagged. I have come to the conclusion I  have no skill.


Sunday was the usual Crits. My previous efforts on hot days hadn’t been too good so I wasn’t expecting much. This description from the CCCC website summarises the conditions well: “After two stinking hot days is Melbourne, and rider who wasn’t already cooked should now be absolutely well done after a very tough morning at Glenvale Crescent. A strong and gusting wind from the north made conditions tough all the way round the circuit, and the hard men (and women) caused carnage whenever they put the hammer down at the front of the bunch.


The A and D Grade bunches seemed to have the toughest time of it, with the pressure in A Grade seeing a strong break go clear and eventually lap the main field, leaving only 18 riders to fight for the win. In D Grade, each surge saw another handful of riders get spat off the back, until less than 20 survived to sprint for the win”.


I managed to hold on the whole way and in fact was a one man break away for a while towards the end but went a lap or two too early and was reeled back in. I managed to finish 6th in a close finish but once again my inability to sprint when it matters came into play. Back for more next week."


Weekend Feb 18 & 19

"No smile from The Corbett" - Otway Odyssey

Saturday -

The Corbett, Kylie  & Pauly completed the 50km, while Archie completed the 100kms, evidently with some mishaps.

Some comments from The Corbett : "Otway Odyssey done with relatively little damage other than monster cramp in my hamstring with 10km to go and one over the handlebars crash." "Just worked out I finished in the top 50% and considering my physical state at 10km to go I am happy. Pauly smashed it. My first half was was fast."

See EPIC RIDES for a more detailed report

KY - enjoyable ride with the Furios crew in Anglesea

From the Captain :

"Hardcore riders, The Captain and The Mayor, left Essendon at a gentlemen's hour and headed north to smash the hills and flats of Keilor. Pacing a steady clip, the back of the airport was tackled for serious sprint training and looping around to climb up and down concrete hill to the back of the new control tower at the airport. (see pics).

A good push home for coffee at the French patisserie, North Essendon's Paris, and Russman and the Captain had completed a good mornings ride!



3 votes. Archie. MTB's, Don't rate them.

3 votes. Paulie. MTB's, Don't rate them.

3 votes. The Corbett. Racing. Don't rate it."

3 votes. Kylie. We rate you!

Sunday -

KY absolutely smashed himself around the Great Ocean Road. After 102kms he was unable to walk, and sat on the toilet bowl for an hour. Again, he over rated his own ability. A nice ride though :

Weekend Feb 11 & 12

There was some riding this weekend :

Friday night - KY & Pauly rode to Fyxomatosis HQ to join the hipsters Ewen & Supa to watch a free NY fixie movie. Free beer, free movie and free viewing of tattoo artwork. Thanks to Andy for a very good evening. To finish off the night the crew ended up at Pellergrinis for some pasta, granita, coffee and......strudel.

Saturday - seems like we have got soft. No ride

Sunday - Well it was the girls turn to fire up and that they did on the Ballarat Cycle Classic. It may have only been 65kms but there were some sharp hills in the ride.

3 votes to the KKK's - Kath, Kylie & Kate

From The Corbett : "The eastern chapter of team cnut put in with some MTB training ahead of the Otway Odessy this weekend. No stacks but still no skills and too slow.

Sunday - racing with CCCC at Glenvale. Still no win but a much better tactical race. Boxed in on the last lap but powered home for top 10."


Mordy 4-2-12

From Supa : Not sure if anyone will send thru so here goes mine for good measure.

3 The Capt. Calling for a gentleman's ride then only doing a Ladies ride.

2.  Piff going both ways. Starting with the ladies and doing the gents ride.... What do you call that!!!!

1. Joe. For his slow take offs at the lights..... Not!!!


Mordy - Jan 21 & 28

"The truck!!" - Mordy 28-1-12

 A few rides to Mordy, gentleman, and not so gentlemen. More lady or ladyboy.

Votes 21-1 :

3 - Supa - for the truck

2 - Chris - for hanging on for dear life

1 - The Mayor - for the introduction to the new cafe

Votes 28-1 :

3 - Supa - for the truck

2 - Stevie - for his attempt to fix the truck

1 - The Captain - for salad only


Tour Down Under Jan '12


"Needless to say, the formation didn't last" - Crack a Vic 14-1-12

The South Aussies tried their best but they would have to admit the Vics won the day (even though 3 Vics turned on the 1st hill)

Votes :

3. Pinna - for lasting one hill before some 'vommy ' turned him around

2. Mark Travers - for smashing the South Aussies

1. The Archer - for also smashing the South Aussies

Weekend 7 & 8 January '12

"Raise your bat Captain, the ton has been achieved" 7-1-12

A few rides on the weekend :

Beach Road :  "so she should be ……it was such a superb cruise……yes superb!!!! No wind, a little sun, a sleep in, no groups whizzing past (they joined us), singing, jovial banter and even a little sweat on the brow….Kylie leave Joe with the children and join us for the ladies ride next time….you will have our measure!!Not sure who's doing the votes, but I think all those who didn't attend the monthly ladies ride should all get 10 Votes!!!SupaLady…..bugger I left my handbag at the Velvet Bar!!!!!

From The Captain : Well the email rant went out and the team responded!

A beautiful morning greeted the fractious Cnutters who enjoyed the Captain's call to get back to their roots with a 7.30am start and a social ride to Mordy.

The Captain, Wizza and Vista arrived in Essendon, followed shortly by Wokka who was also appreciating the later start.

Down to the bike path to pick up Stevie and Michelle who loved the later start and on to Port Melbourne where Supa and rider Chris were met and the 8 headed off to Mordy.

Much laughter and banter was had by all and a good clip of around 30kmh was consistent all the way with stongmen Stevie and Wizza leading virtually the entire way!

Wizza thought the later time start was "fantastic!" and all other team members enjoyed the "gentlemans hour" start.

Unusually, indeed amazingly, the entire crew arrived together, laughed together, talked together and enjoyed the team atmosphere together.

No passing groups had to be "got on board!"

No member was dropped.

No member complained about the wind.

No member thought the traffic was a problem.

All members enjoyed the warm sun on their back.

Back to the Velvet bar for great coffee and fruit toast, even Vista enjoyed the apricots!

Ah yes, just like rides of ten years ago!

A brilliant mornings ride in perfect conditions and we didn't want it to end!



3 votes Joe. Metaphorically spat in the teams face by riding to Kinglake by himself at 6 in the morning, then writes a scathing email criticizing the Captain for his good morning salutations after the gentlemans ride! Such a team player! 

2 votes KY. Sends an SMS to the Captain at 6.30 on Saturday morning to say he's off riding the Great Ocean road! Well done Hero! Your medal is coming! 

1 vote Vista. For having a sore knee and rubbing veterinary horse and greyhound gel  "for animal use only" into his leg. WTF?


From Stevie : The "Gentlemens ride" Saturday. Has to be one of the best group rides I have participated in for a long time. Lots of conversation and smiling faces, no egos, and comaraderie.
Maybe it's time for a splinter group to be formed for those who want to be able to sleep in a little and be able to walk after the ride.
My votes;

3 - Wizza for riding away in TT position because he couldn't handle the pace.
2 - Wocca for holding everyone up while he rang work to tell them he was OUT
1 - Steve for getting another goddamn flat tyre!!!


Joe & who else to Kinglake - "Kylie is spewing she missed the ladies ride this morn"

The Mayor on the East Coast: "Oh Arch. I poolitzer you from down here at McCrae. Where I shall ride Arthurs bottom rest tomorrow as early as a sparrow should contemplate bending an arse cheek and admire the sweat on my solo pectoral hair when I reach the summit.... Toche, Toche Tears of joy are running down my cheeks lads. Ah , the art of banter has not been lost.....As to all.  I loves you too!

KY : a light couple of rides around The Great Ocean Road with a few hills thrown in.

Pauly : "Not even getting out of bed"

The Corbett - went to the Aussie Champs, only to bust his wheels after 2 laps. The power of The Corbett will eventually destroy any wheel!

Votes :

3 - Archie - for the telling it like it is.

2 - The Captain - for thinking he was telling it like it is, believing it was like it is, and then softly backing down when Archie put him in his place.

1 - Supa - for naming a new ride now known as "The Ladies Ride".



Xmas Break rides

Tour de Lager 27-12-11

Report to come..........

Mordi 24-12-11

The Skinsuit was back in action - Joey

Mordi it was for the Xmas ride - Wiz, KY, Supa, The Captain, Pauly, Piffy & Joey.

It was mayhem out there with crashes (ambulance needed), another at the end of the group we were in, and some heated arguments within the pack. why do we bother with Beach Road? KY gave the call to Joe to 'smash' to get away from the group and that he did in Joe fashion. Was good to catch up with Macka for a cofee at Europa.

Votes :

3 - Pauly - for doing the team thing and waiting for The Captain from Mordi

2 - Wizza - for the entertainment in his attempt to change a tube

1 - Joey - for the late smashing



Macedon 17-12-11

"Yep, the hill somewhere on the left, ready to sort us out."

The return of Pinna, with Wizza, KY, KT, Joey, Pauly, Archie and KY for a 75 km buster through the Macedon. Both sides were climbed  with a visit to the cross.

Once again, Archie sorted everyone out, while UFC man, Pinna, busted himself getting up the hill. Coffee in Woodend was ordinary, especially KY's which was likened to International Roast. Back up the 'easy' side and then it was a crazy 87 kmh downhill dodging the Land Rovers.

The Mayor took on the Keilor Hills for some family memories, while later that night KY and Pauly added another 25kms on their way to see Ash Grunwald in St Kilda. A nice ride home at 3 am!

Votes :

3. Joey - for donning the skinsuit - looking magnificient

2. Pinna - for doing it oh so hard, pooing himself about Adelaide. Also was almost done for but in true cnut  style moaned and groaned his way to the top of the climbs and sped down the other side like a seasoned professional.  

1. Archie - for treating the hill with contempt, loving it all! Also for not only smashing everyone but measuring the time gaps at the tops of the worst South face climb (& probably every other one as well) & kindly announcing them to at least the 2nd & 3rd place riders. When the time gap got above 10 minutes in disgust he stopped hiss watch.

Williamstown 10-12-11

"A rare pic of Archie's bike. We only ever see the back wheel - from a distance."

A nice 70 km jaunt to Port Melbourne, then to Williamstown and back to Club Young. Sorry, no it wasn't nice - it was windy and fast for us as Archie showed us how unfit we have become.

It was The Mayor, Supa, KY and Wizza doing thier best to hang onto Archie's wheel. Fair speed, average coffee in Willy and not enough water.

Votes :

3. Archie - for the smashing of others, and cruising himself

2. The Mayor - fresh from Santa celebrations, and fresh from falling from a tram damaging hands and other bits.

1. Wiz - called it berserk AND smashfest. Got him going for the tri the next day as he finished 8th - after wasting time not knowing where his bike was!