The Anglesea Dirty Dozen is done and dusted. Six intrepid mountain goats (Local team -Euro Grant, Trevor (Bear) Grylls, Jan Hammer & C-Nut strongmen Brendonovitch, Jason (shit-C) & KY Gel) completed all 12 hills in cool conditions with a fresh west south west wind. Parker St proved to be the most challenging, and the condition of the Great Ocean Rd along the riverbank proved that we were perhaps in a third world country... Special mention to the fine array of Wilier bikes in the bunch, proving that real climbers prefer Italian steeds over Taiwanese Giants (Oh well, does that mean I need to get with the programme?! - but at least I use Campagnolo!) Looking forward to the photos to be posted on Team C-nut's website. Thanks to all who participated in the first ADD, looking forward to the next edition, maybe around April 2015 (to coincide with the Euro spring classics). G
3 votes - Grant Edmonds - a great job organising the ride. Look for the "FILTY FIFTEEN" which will be coming up before you know it!
2 votes - Brendonovitch - chicks were all over his tattoos over the weekend. From bikini clad beauties on the beach to the tight lycra femme fatales on the road.
1 vote - Jason C - could ride uphill on the Dirty Dozen, but crapped his pants on the way down. Why? Speed wobbles. Why speed wobbles? Because he did not know how to put his back wheel on correctly.
A mad, mad weekend for the C-Nut crew at Forrest.
Attendees : Pauly, The Corbett, The Captain, KY, The Mayor, Jules, Jason C & new poon The Duck.
Highlights/Lowlights (take your pick) : Carton Draught, Pauly's speakers, blokes dancing with each other, Wonky Donky, crashing, house smell, forest underwear, salted belt (biltong), rants, loud talking, beer slightly better than home brew, 2 girls and a cup, beautiful riding, Pauly permanently frothing, dobs of scotch, more dobs of scotch, rusty combi, potential late night trips to Colac, running races, good coffee but what's with the service?.........plenty more
Day One :
A few rides around the trails which was both physically and mentally draining for some. Pub fodder for dinner watching The Captain's game face and The Corbett's internal celebrating.
3 - The Corbett - near vomit, rode with severe hangover, could not butter up for the arvo
2 - The Captain - 3 crashes, turned on camber turns into off camber, totally lost the plot, could not butter up in the arvo
1 - Julian - 2 crashed, one in front of some ferals trying to be smart by taking a shortcut. Also for riding a 20kg bike, totally unusable for anything on the trails.
Day Two :
A beautiful 80km ride on the roadies to Beech Forest and back. Madness at The Brewery for dinner drinking beer marginally better than Piffy's home brew.
3 - The Captain - for the rant on riding a bike before the entry to Beech Forest. It's like a broken record. Just farkin ride!
2 - Jason C - for very very nearly jumping into a taxi for some night club action in Colac. Intelligence prevailed.
1 - The Duck - for complaining he didn't get to Colac!
Day Three :
Finished off with some of the harder trails in Forrest. Jules, The Duck and The Captain went shopping.
3 - Pauly - for severe frothing on the trails.
2 - The Mayor - an absolute natural on the mountain bike. First time and the hyena laugh could be heard through the forest.
1 - KY - broken wrist excuse must be wearing thin by now
"Macca giving Pauly the rundown on the last 11 hours or so!" Sunday Melbourne Ironman
Saturday : Piffy took to the Boulevard thinking we had sorted the ride to be there. The Mayor had other plans..it was a quick ride around Keilor for Pauly, Jason & KY (but no Mayor). Highlights? - just another wreck of a car near Concrete Hill, and Jason introducing the other 2 to "The Gaffney Four". On the "Gaffney Four", KY thought his back wheel was going to disintergrate, Jason's electronic Ultegra sounded like it was being double clutched and Pauly's dodgy neck nearly went back into place as he skidded his way up the 30% climb. Heart rates finally got back to semi normal as KY headed back to Pauly's to see why his derailler was destroying every second spoke. For more information on "The Gaffney Four" check this out (a nice video in there) :
Sunday : Pauly, KY, Archie & Kylie (very short odds for Kylie to be entering an Ironman event in the near future) headed down to the finish of The Melbourne Ironman to see Macka strut his stuff down the finishing catwalk. It was very inspiring to watch these athletes finish in pure joy (and a lot of pain). Macka was no different as he turned the corner into the final straight with a very high arm action, and then when he spotted us, ran backwards! Farkin' brilliant effort Mac to finish that!
3 - Macka - inspirational, said he would never do another one! Let's see....
2 - The Mayor - called the Saturday morning ride changing everyone's plans, but didn't turn up! (Thinking a Bombers win had something to do with it)
1 - Jason - for the introduction to "The Gaffney Four"
"Will the real Vista please stand up!"
A wild ride to Mordy on saturday with numerous people dropping in and out. Vista returned, and later Supa, and later KT, then KY joined up with The Captain, The Mayor and Jules after losing Jason C. Tell the Judge wtf occurred.
It was a cruise to Mordy including some barraging of KT, and some high heart rate riding back into the wind. KT played his game and smashed all that tried to live on his back wheel. Coke and coffee were consumed at the Velvet Bar (Vista has rated the Velvet the best coffee in Melbourne) and it was a slow ride back to 3039.
Sunday Pauly & The Corbett went feral training on the MTB so they could be confident in that they will crush everyone on the Forrest trip late March. However, like KT, they have very little understanding of the term "piss fit".
3 - The Mayor - an absolute massive Friday at the Grand Prix, and somehow lead from the front all the way back from Black Rock. He defies all historical medical tests and facts.
2 - Supa - KY thought it was him, Vista said no but he looked strong after not riding since May '13. Chose to ride in a fast pack instead of doing the hard yards with the crew.
1 - Jules - thought he had another flat as he was bouncing on the saddle. He was told his bouncing girth was the problem.
1 - Vista - turned at Black Rock. Used to be a hard man, now softening up!
Pauly with a semi - "oh the single track."
Not sure if much riding actually occurred on the long weekend.
Rumour is no one wanted to ride with Jason on the weekend so he did the Pascoe Vale Hills. The Mayor was spotted with Wiz up on the Gold Coast. Pauly coaxed KY around the sandy singletrack in Anglesea on his MTB comeback ride from his broken wrist and Brendo's fluro bike was spotted in the hills around the Dandys.
3 - Wiz - met up with the Mayor all torn up after a crash riding towards the meeting point. Please take note, flimsy excuses are not recognised for not riding. Hard man award for Wiz this week.
2 - Pauly - KY only saw his rear wheel for a minute then dust. Always in form in the mountain bike.
1 - The Captain - riding is officially over, doesn't rate it (do we need to hear it again?). Soft man award for the week, maybe year.
"The sound on one hand opening beer - YERRRRR! "
KY & Jason joined The Corbett for a ride on his home soil. Result - Corbett, absolutley knackered. Nice Mountain Goat Summer Ales to finish off.
The Fast Crew with new member The Mayor ventured down to Mordy on the Sunday. Standard Beach Road. For Knobs only.
3 - The Corbett - was crying like a baby
2 - KT - Stopped in the middle of an intersection causing Rob into a nose wheely and causing others to take extreme action. You can do all these kms to get fit KT, but just maybe you need some sensibility skills.
1 - The Mayor - offloaded the social poons to become one of the Fast Crew.
"Sammy purchase - another Formula 1 bike - that will never see daylight"
A few lads too to the feral hills out the back of the airport around Wildwood.
3 - KT - Slow boys, yeah right at 45kmh for 4kms. Quote "Can't show Rob how strong I am" ...sorry, you did so
2 - Jason - for taking the boys to La Manna...walking them through the supermarket in their dick pants to get coffee.
1 - Julian - Slow not soft!
I wonder who awarded these votes :
1 - The Mayor - for not including himself
"Don't rate it Wizza!"
A great morning to ride with the return of The Captain and Brendonovitch from the long term injury list with his new steed (see Latest News).
It was KY, Jules, The Mayor, The Captain, Fast Crew member KT, and Fast Crew maybe Joey. All was good until The Captain's bib malfunction was discovered.
A forest that would provide most of Melbourne's oxygen was discovered at Mordy, protruding through a hole in The Captain's bib shorts. We were not sure if it was a Silence of the Lambs impression or some other weird hair experiment gone wrong.
The crew voted not to get new knicks but somehow they relented allowing a stop at Le Knicks for a new pair.
Milkshakes and coffee in jars was superb once again at Betty's.
3 - The Captain - for the gunt exploding through his knicks
2 - Brendonovitch - for calling a scooter rider a cockhead (amongst other things) for not wearing a helmet. Still can't understand why he did not receive a short arm jab to the nose.
1 - KT & Joey- a bold attempt to be team players the whole way - FAIL!
The Mayor was lost for words - WTF is with it with some Poons on Beach Road?
Farkin on the verge of heat on a magical summer's morning ride to Mordy. A nice ride with the crew sticking together for most of the journey.
Betty, you gotta love her as coke was washed down with beer at her establishment. Apart from the excess poonage, a bloode nice ride.
3 - KY - only discovered cash was left at Mordy at Betty's. Made the call to the cafe and it was still there! This meant another ride to Mordy on Sunday in a 50 knot wind. Intelligence!
2 - Pauly - allowed the elastic band to break....and was punished for it!
1 - KT - would have been more votes for again not keeping to team rules, or any rules for that matter, but redemmed himself for riding with KY on sunday back to Mordy in diabolical conditions. Thanks from KY!
"An absolute legend - 3 time Suntour winner, and some poon that recognised him"
A few braved the perfect conditions to check out the Herald Sun prologue. Jason, KY, The Mayor, Pauly met up with inner city urbanite Piffy for some pro cycling and a couple of beers. Also consumed was meat, followed by meat and then more meat washed down by a couple of beers, with some others necking a bottle of wine together in a minute or 2 (The Captain and The Mayor).
A good night until we were about to leave. The votes tell the story :
3 - The Captain - locked his bike to some rails but failed to bring the key. He originally though the others played a prank on him. DICKHEAD!...and for ringing RACV, they had never heard of the request to break a bike lock.
2 - Piffy - for stupidly locking his bike to the Captains'
1 - Jason - for riding back to The Mayors, and then driving back with the bolt cutters. Nice work. The Captain owes BIG TIME!
"Ryno - on heat, and in great riding form"
Fair crew for a lazy attack on The Boulevard. As usual, group riding was too difficult but somehow after many deliberations the crew ended up in Pellegrinis with guest poon, Ryno, devouring his apple strudel in seconds.
Tiger beers were later consumed at Piffy's Penthouse (thanks Piff, we emptied your fridge) and the ride was finished with a few Rose' by a few on The Mayor's front lawn.
Votes provided by Txx Mxxxx :
3 - Julian. Getting pushed by Archy and going past David and Ryno yelling
3 - Mrs Archy for her not wanting to go to Pellegrinis- continually suggesting
we go elsewhere....Then, That was great!
2 - The Captain for hanging shit on Me 'The Mayor" who was recovering from mouth
surgery and could not talk properly ...revenge was sweet and fast when he
locked his bike up the next week.
1 - KT&Joey mention for turning home at the point where we were off to Piffs for
3 - Ryno special mention for rooting a Ryno in Fed Square and continual banter
at our organisation... No Strudel for me...then smashing it all down to
"The Mayor at Kinglake - secret training coming to the fore!"
Black Rock and back to Sammy's cafe-De Graves- rate it!! Perfect day for a stroll
3 Sammy. Turning 200 m before Black rock and asking where it is! Wtf
2 Julian taking off and passing poons in front only to be passed in 2 minutes... Wouldn't do it again. Should get 6 for it!
1 Russ. Doing a Dave and finding his own trails alone thru Princess Park as Jules and Sammy were left in traffic!
1 Dave- soft mention! Having Breakfast with Cheryl! Sure Dave!
As Banker Wanker would say! ' Fark off. You're boring me... It's like talking to a retard!!! Muskets at Dawn'
Report to come on the poons attempting the Alpine Classic
The Mayor at Kinglake - WTF?
"Please stand up if you are Victorian - Ryno back to Victoria on Free Agency"
Wow - another great weekend with the South Aussies entertaining the smallest Victorian contingent ever. (Archie, Russ & KY)
A great ride around the hills, plenty of food, plenty of gin & tonics, plenty of beer and plenty of laughs. The Vics did in fact for the 1st time finish equal on points with the South Aussies on the final tally (after many a protest). Unfortunately it was the first time a Victorian did not finish on top of the podium on the 2 up time trial up Norton Summit but we think somehow it was set up to be that way.
Thanks to Ryno, and all the other crew that allowed us into their houses, pubs, cafes, we had a blast! It is a pity others in our group can't get over their Christmas feasting but the core of us will be back!
3 - The Mayor (Russ) - was on a mission, completed that mission and celebrated (Sorry Hobbit, I tried to take down your photo in front of hisd trainer).
2 - Archie - toyed with everyone. He had to anyhow wearing fluro, otherwise it would have been embarressing.
1 - Ryno - we are proud to have you on our team.
"Russ looking to the sky for some relief after waiting for another Jules puncture to be repaired."
Russ, Jules & KY planned on a ride to finish off training for South Australia. The friggin' thistles got KY and Jules with Jules winning the puncture competition 2 to 1.
In the end an enjoyable ride.
3 - The Mayor - for keeping the frustration on the inside
2 - Jules - no many brands of tyres left for you to try. Have you heard of a floor pump?
1 - KY - because he was there
"Tatts on chicks and bizarre sugarbowls now are rules under the Cafe Code in Melbourne"
The return of Wizz, with Jules and the hungover pair Pauly and KY bike tracked it all the way to The Boulevard. It was 2 hamburgers with the lot and 2 pedestrians nearly walked faster up Yarra Street. It was good to see Wizza back and good to see his hatred of riding The Bouly. Pauly again found some tattoo'ed chicks, skinny armed tattoo'ed half men, tight jean wearing, black rimmed glasses, shaggy pet dog infested Cafe in Fitzroy. For some reason the long black came out 15 minutes late and with KY's hangover, blood should have been boiling but he was too tired to bother. No beers on the way home this time but an enjoyable ride.
3 - Wizza - still does not rate the Boulevard, but in Ironman form
2 - Jules - still does not rate the Boulevard, but in drinking form
1 - Pauly - amazing recovery from the night before, another dodgy cafe added to the list
Breakfast of wankers...............at Bettys
Joe, KT, KY and The Mayor left Moonee Ponds on a slightly windy day. Unusually it was a head wind on the way there with KT pushing the heart rates high on the others. We somehow joined another group with KT showing a fair amount of disrespect by yawning sitting off the back. When Joe needs to be somewhere he is a dangerous man as on the turn he joined a group doing 48kmh with the wind. We all hung on for a period of time but The Mayor exploded on the straight out of Mordy. Fair enough to. Joe did make his time with KT in check. At Port Melbourne, The Mayor introduced Betty to KY and he was suitably impressed. Maybe some movement downstairs.
3 - Joe - attempting, yes attempting to rejoin the Fast Crew. You need more than 1 ride at that speed Knackers
2 - KT - Some blokes do it hard up front. Please realise we are all at different levels. Just go farkin' race!
1 - The Mayor - explosion but redeemed himself with the Betty factor