Team C-NUT

Everybody has our measure

December 3 2011

Brendo invited the boys out to play at The Boulevard. Joining him were KY, Wiz, Supa, Piffy (fresh from the Foo Fighters), Pauly and later The Captain. 3 laps, 2 Yarra's and 3 Schoolies were enjoyed by some and not others. It was finished off with a well earned strudel and coffee at Pellegrinis, and another coffee at Seven Seeds (last time we will go there for service, unless we ride our fixies, get some tatts, and wear some black rimmed glasses.

Votes :

3 - Brendo - for the invitation, then not riding the harder hills.

2 - Supa - for going faster than everyone else, downhill only.

1 - The nightclub girl who mysteriously ventured into the bushes in the carpark.


Weekend 26 & 27th November

"Tough going around the Great Ocean Road" - Ross feeling the love in Lorne after the best donuts in the world

Saturday - an absolute deluge and who would go out in that? Wiz & The Mayor did. In Wizza's words - "We got drowned, for that we share in the 6 votes"

3 for The Mayor & 3 for Wizza

Sunday - KY & Ross road a beautiful 80kms around the Great Ocean Road. Ross kept saying "You are killing me Kev". In the end Ross's homing device cut in and it was him doing the smashing.

The Corbett once again raced again - "Finished mid pack but not before pulling 5 laps at +40kmh before realising there were still 2 to go. Happy with the trail of destruction though!"

3 Sunday votes for El Corbetto for applying some hurt to some carbon wheeled wankers.


"Michael Jordan or Buddy Franklin" of cycling El Corbetto?

Not sure who else was out there

Weekend Nov 19 & 20

"A bit wet for The King....and a bit wet for the camera"

A wet one for Saturday morning to Mordi. It was only KY, Wiz and The Mayor out there. The highest quality Polish ever seen at Europa.

Sunday The Corbett : "After the exciting introduction 2 weeks ago to crit racing and a solid weekend of training in Rutherglen, I came back for more.Upside – I got further into the pack. I didn’t feel like vomiting after 5 minutes. I didn’t crash. I made sure I had some drinks on board this time. I wasn’t the first to drop out. I held on to the pack for twice as long.Downside – I got smashed again and got lapped.
Back again next week for an hour of pain. The aim for next week is to hold the pack for longer.

Votes :

3 - Wiz - a 'coming off' at Mordi, and still not able to fix a puncture

2 - KY - for convincing The Mayor to come out and ride, then getting saturated

2 - The Corbett - for having a dip

1 - The Mayor - not happy getting saturated


Rutherglen & More Nov' 12 & 13


Traditional photo - KY with dodgy cycling shoes - Morris Winery

Rutherglen - some of the 6 were more intoxicated than others. Please check the photos to decide. Some rides were done : KY (with severe melon)  and The Mayor rode to Chiltern on Saturday, some more riding around wineries with some fair early southing of 90 year old muscat, pizzas tapas style and later some ice cold frothies. Saturday night, if you weren't a bogan, you did not fit in. Some fitted in quite well. Food was probably good, but taste buds were decimated fom beer and wine, and the soy sauce soaked dimmies before the meal. Sunday, the return of Mitch to the road bike, with KY, Piffy and potential new female rider, Treen riding the back road to Chiltern. Beautiful it was. Piffy had absolutely no cycling gear, except for the bike, and Mitch looked Euro with undone bibs. (Maybe they can't fit anymore!). Chiltern - great donuts, crap coffee, you can't have it all I suppose.

Votes :

3 - The Mayor - if you were standing on the moon you would have heard him! In great form! 

2- The Captain - outed himself, as a 100% bogan! We knew it already but the weekend confirmed it. Check the pics.

1 - Mitch - spotted, once again, for not finishing his drinks. Was also very proud of what was achieved in the Chiltern Bakery toilet.

1- Piffy - though he was still overseas and did the trip thing again. Went HARD!

1 - The Corbett - bucked his tradition and did not get smashed in the afternoon and turned up for dinner. Unheard of.

1 - Pauly - at least someone was the family man.

1 - KY - for being sensible

1 - The Grining - houdini'd at the Saturday night dinner. Think he was getting KY's wives mixed up and thought he had better leave!

The others : From PC - "Joe, KT, Wizza, Vista and PC left Richardson St at 620 for an easy roll down to Mordy. PC bailed at Black Rock to save his legs for the 1500m at Aberfeldie later in the day but the damage had already been done and the 1500 was a very pedestrian effort. Joe needs special mention for yet another David v Goliath Tram showdown. This time on the Essendon roundabout it was nearly 35.3T v the Pinarello but we called him back, 3 votes. Special mention for KT 2 punctures same piece of wire, 2 votes and best put up my hand for a vote for a little more concrete truck motopacing through Brighton on the way home. Absolutely awesome Melbourne morning and the number of cyclists on the road reflected it.  Trust all enjoyed the odd Rutherglen red on the journey north. "

Weekend November 5 & 6

"Brendonovitch who?" A rare species spotted in the hills on the weekend

Saturday - Piffy and Brendo spotted doing some secret hill training while KY, Pauly, The Captain, Wizza, Stevie, Joe & Blinger than Bling took to Mordy with the thousands of other poons. Great weather, not a high level of smashing, but highly enjoyable. Coffee in paper cups at Salford Lads Club - WTF is that?

Sunday - The Corbett in a true SMASHFEST! - "The usual kids sport on Saturday morning means no ability to ride with the crew so solo riding it is. Saturday came and was supposed to be the day for the resurface of the MTB for a bit of trail thrashing. Then came the ominous telephone call from the bike shop. "Looks like you have some problems with your bike and we are struggling to get it finished, should be done by 3pm". 2:30pm another call, "we found more broken stuff". Me "You've had it for over a week, why am I finding this out now?". No ride.

Sunday came and the time to finally try some racing. I am not sure if it was a good move or not but I went along to Glenvale Crits to sign up. I went along and asked to be signed up. I bought a 3 ride license and paid my money. I then got asked "how much training do you do?" to which I replied I don't train but I ride to work most days and went to Spain and rode around and drank heaps of beer. "Looks like you are in C Grade then." This was all well and good but it resulted in another hour and a half of waiting before the race time. I did some warm up laps while E grade was on and managed to cover about 20kms just rolling around. I watched D and B grade and liked what I saw in D grade with a nice controlled pace to start off the first half of the race. B Grade were nuts.

The time came to head out for the start of C and A grade. I rode a few warm up laps and then settled into the back of the bunch at the start line for the briefing. 50 minutes and 3 laps was the aim. 47 other riders all ready to go. Then "GO!", and suddenly it's some mass sprint to about 45kmh and that's where the pace stayed. I held on for about 15 minutes as I yo-yoed off the back on every corner having to accelerate to 55kmh just to rejoin the bunch. Each corner saw me drop further back and have to work harder. Then I thought I won't make 50 minutes if I keep this up. I let the bunch go with the hope that others would drop off and I would ride with them. Not likely. 5 minutes later the eventual winner goes past me followed a few minutes later by the main bunch. I got back on and held on for another 4 - 5 laps but I was absolutely rooted. Once they got away from me again, that was it so I rode a couple of laps and then dropped out.

I got some words of encouragement after the ride from some of the marshals which was good and I'll be back again. The common theme is it takes about 5 - 6 weeks of this just to get your race legs in.

Good fun, bloody hard work but always keen to have some more of the C-Nutters along to join me.

Votes :

3 - Corbett - for the smashing of himself

2 - The Captain - totally deranged, upsetting drivers, constant screaming and questioning why we didn't wait. (no riding, didn't want to ride, lambasted cycling in general and then expects us to wait)

1 - Joey - for absolutely no respect for the riders in front and sprinted past at Mordy, with no one else going.


Weekend 29 & 30 October

"Yer, Yer, Yer, YEEERRRR!" - The call of the wild, The Mayor taking on the Alps

The Mayor rode everyday in the Victorian Alps - no doubt smashing himself.

Others :

Saturday - Wiz, KY and later the carboned up Piffy 'warmed' up for the Padre Coffee ride by riding a little around The Boulevard taking on the usual suspects known as Yarra Street a few times and the school hill. Not many out there - why? Many took the 'soft touch' or got pickeled the night before. They were joined by Archie, Pauly and the return of The Captain in some sort of skyjumping outfit. The Padre ride was for a great cause and a lot of fun was had. Check the 2011 pics for some action shots.

Tuesday - Wiz, KY, Pauly and the new blinged out Supa (see Latest News) took on The Boulevard again. A quick lap with no frillss and the second was a hamburger with the lot. Supa was struggling with his new lightweight weapon and it was an early finish to Lygon Street. Wiz - "why do we come here? This is SHIT!"


3 - The Mayor - for ringing his wife to pick him up halfway through a ride. Why? The bugs got him.

2 - Supa - the blingest man on earth

1 - Piffy & The Captain - 4 South Melbourne dim sims in a very short space of time were inhaled.

Weekend 22nd October

Wiz - lovin' the jam at Europa

Saturday - Mordialloc smashing.


Mountain bike man back on way home!  No water.. White wet nicks .WTF  


Wiz  famous French mountain -alpes do hews... WTF 3 votes for incorrect pronunciation! Even worse than Joel Watson!


Joey. 2 votes . Needing massage when KY was fixing flat with best pump ever!! Cost $600!!! And asking if "still working girls " at Europa !


1 vote KY. Best pump ever!!


I am exempt for smashing myself!! KY - No you are not exempt. 1 vote for turning into a locomotive on that rise. We now know your spot!


ARCHIE - Smashed it on this  He competed in the 12 hour and ran 6th against the pros! More info' to come 3 massive votes!!! SEE EPIC RIDES FOR REPORT


Others - don't know.


Weekend 15th & 16th October

"Corbett did it this year - turn back the clock lads to 2004!" Around the Bay in a Day 7 years ago

From the weekend :

Saturday : Joe - "A glorious morning for a trundle to mordi with only a small possie of cnuts enroute
3. Wizz  - you've heard of the horse whisperer, Wizz is the Magpie whisperer (wtf)
2. Russ solid into the wind effort on the way home
1. Archie - late pull out message "struggling" when the man has never struggled at anything. Better excuse next time pal"

Pauly - "Mud, sweat and tears (well nearly) at Woodend on the mtb. New frame meant much less tendancy to go over the bars and front end stayed put on the climbs"

KY - "Took on the wind and hills in The Otways. I lost!"

Sunday : The Corbett "After too much Sangria in Spain I decided that I would try and keep the riding miles up once I returned home. I thought that I would gauge interest from the lads to enter the Around The Bay In A Day. As usual, no interest.Sod it, I actually entered and chose to take the ferry. Just like all other 'Bay rides the ride to Sorrento was full of useless poons. I have no idea how anyone who does this ride can't even get up the hill at Mt Eliza. L'Angliru kicked in and I smashed that climb and the poons trying to draft.A cold headwind below across from about Dromana until Geelong. Tough work there. I got to Portsea 5 minutes too late for the 9am ferry so had to wait until 10.The stretch from Point Lonsdale to Geelong contains the highest proportion of car driving retards in the world.Hit Geelong and then turned for the run to Melbourne. Now with a tail wind there were sections where I was sitting on 50kmh. Brilliant!Once again smashed some poons over the Westgate and then through the human zoo on City Rd  to the finishline.

All up riding  6:44, 226 kms.


Looking to do it again next year regardless of team interest.


3 votes El Corbetto




Weekend Oct 8 & 9

"Pauly - we spit on 13%"

Saturday - Ah yes , arrival at Gisbourne, 7 degs C! Paulie, Wizza and the Mayor took off thru the glorious countryside to Macedon, Woodend for Coffee and back over the hill to Gisbourne. 60 kms of bliss!


Slow not Soft concurring the Hill!


Coffee, The mayor offending the locals , butter with a little bread and back over the hill, where Paulie thought it good to smash it with 300 metres to go , killing the Mayor!


Down hill fun with the Mayor scaring Wiz by sliding out his back wheel at 45 km an hour.


Home ah hot shower!!


Votes. The Mayor 3,for forgetting his footy teams captain name! Apparently not Joel Watson.. Wtf... For sliding out back end down Macedon


2 Wiz. Nearly running over Paulie who taking a photo of the 13% sign... Just a hill


1 Paulie. Because he tried to kill us

Sunday - KY and Ross took to the Great Ocean Road in terrible conditions. Wind, rain, it was all against them but they toughed it out. Still - a beautiful ride.

On Sunday Paul Currie ran his 1st marathon at the Melbourne Marathon. His words were : "3:28 not bad for an old first timer". 3 votes for that effort PC!


Mordi 24-9-11

"The new cycling look.......KY" - courtesy from The Mayor's visit to London

Riders : KY, PC, Wizza, The Mayor, Piffy and "Tomato" Wokka to Mordi it was.

A bit of headwind, with everyone mentioningthe word "rooted" after a turn at the front. The Mayor turned around just before Mordi and missed the smashing by PC. A fast run back for some Polish donuts and another standard ride to Mordi was done and dusted.

Votes :

3 : Piffy - looked in a bit of form, rode at the front and only backed off when the DVT cut in. Riding with DVT? That's hard......harder than his football team Carlton

2 : PC - regularly muttered the words that he is gone, only to smash everyone at the end. Not sure it was good training for his 1st marathon in 2 weeks.

1 : Wokka - for not turning red. Green light is on early for the Great Ocean Road in March.

Spain September 2011

The stories, more pics, videos will come. Stay posted..........

In the meantime, check these out, and keep checking as more will arrive.............



"The call of BERSERK was made"

Saturday - A quick ride to Carrum and back. Everyone had a turn at the 'smashfest' enjoying it and not enjoying due to some groups that were over-rating their own ability. Riders were Piffy, Wiz, The Mayor, KY, Joe & KT.

Sunday - KY did 11 Concrete Hills. On the 3rd climb another rider said "You're almost there" - 2 words, there were 8 to go you dickhead!

Votes :-

3 - KT - did he have a crash, did he break ribs? He is back in FORM!

2 -  Piffy - for the uphill sprint! Went berserk!

1 - The Captain - for saying he has absolutely no interest in cycling, and yet he has paid for and going on a cycling trip to Spain! WTF?

Week ending August 21

"We have this ride on our doorsteps - JUST FRIGGIN' DO IT!" Great Ocean Road 21-8-11

Saturday - The Mayor and KY caught up with The Captain and Pauly in the fog at Keilor. KY's intentions were good until he discovered after 4 laps of concrete hill, chain ring bolts had disappeared and the small chain ring was bent. A walk of shame up concrete hill and the ride was over. He limped back to Club Young an angry man. The Captain supposedly did Concrete hill 16 times with Pauly - suppose better late than never. Joe did Kinglake once again - fair tapering off Joe. May have over cooked himself for Spain? - I doubt it. Corbett - "guess where. Kinglake. Sub 4 hours. Legs in pain. Bring on Madrid. Not riding Angliru. Ever. Piffy - "As ever, Brendo has been there to support me in the training stakes. Yet another trip over Olinda to the Basin & back. A bit nippy in the shade but fantastic scenery. Spent the rest of the weekend trying to tame the savage garden (weeds not poofs), litres of sweat in preparation for the hot Spanish climate. If the Vuelta team time trial was anything to go by, we are in for el scorcho. Ai Carumba!"

Sunday - What a ride for KY, Ross and local Vladmir Karpets lookalike, Chris. Perfect conditions for a ride to Wye River, together with 2 coffees, donuts and Thai sausage rolls. KY tried to simulate Spanish conditions by over dressing and cooking himself, Chris somehow was wearing his Mum's sunglasses and Ross stripped off to his "Thomas Voekler" high shorts. A beautiful ride. Beach Road or Great Ocean Road? Not even worth commenting.

Joe - "3 votes to kt for sat kinglake. No work at front until moreland rd after 120kms!

3 votes to Paul currie this morn for drafting s truck up Fullerton rd, riding so close he had White paint on front tyre from back of truck"

Other votes :

3 - KY - another mechanical, another spat.

2 - The Captain - for FINALLY having a dip!

1 - Chris - What's going on with those glasses?


Week ending 14th August

"He didn't like it, but he did it - without the snakeskins" The Captain climbing Feathertop

During the week Joe once again smashed Macedon. KY had a mechanical on the fixie at The Boulevard, could not get the bike going so was left in pitch black with the bats and people, just walking around. The Mayor saved him.

KY and Pauly rode to Corbett's 40th at The Goat. There was a line up, so a couple of ales at The Roysten in the smoking area, then general mayhem once we got in. The Captain looked like he was was from another planet with the snakeskin shoes and True Religions.

Saturday - Stevie did Mordy, Corbett layed on the couch, Pauly and Archie took on the You Yangs, and KY, The Captain & The Mayor did Keilor. The Captain and The Mayor were testing their cameras so expect to see a video shortly. KY added to the list of crashes this year while climbing the 20 per cent Feathertop. The chain fell off and had no where to go. Complete lack of concern by others. The Captain "did you get that?". More pain - 10 times up Concrete Hill then some French, donuts.

Sunday - Clueless, although Joe did the City to Surf in his best time, and then got on the gas! Piffy "I was feeling pretty average after smashing myself on the Basin & Back run. Too many Corbett sherbets" Pauly "The Mayor and I smashed it on Sunday for  70 minutes( I was on a deadline) Kew B return to my place including two laps of Yarra Street.  The Mayor is back – and that’s mostly all I saw of him."

Votes :

3 - KY - for keeping his pants on at The Boulevard, and for another crash

2 - The Captain - for creating a new look for 50 year olds

1 - Archie - for trying to understand The Captain's "look"

Weekend August 6 & 7

"Someone pressed the green light to commence beer swilling" The Corner Hotel August 5

Friday - Pauly and KY rode their fixies into the Corner Hotel to meet Grining for some blues/funk/dreadlocked infused mayhem. Great night, with the first band playing 'food songs' including fried rice and pies. It was the dreadlock capital of the world for 2 hours. Ash Grunwald fired up and at the same time a strange smell wafted over the crowd. Thought smoking was disallowed in pubs? Grining attempted to control the girls dancing around him but the music drove them wild. Kram joined Ash on stage and let loose - absolute madness! Plenty of Melbourne Bitter for some very bad breath, and an Invalid Stout for the ride home. This is what you missed -

Saturday - A late start due to beer action the night before and KY, Wiz and The Mayor headed to Mordy. Wiz called it 'berserk', KY called it a 'Smashfest' as it was madness all the way. Apart from a puncture for The Mayor it was full throttle. The Mayor had no idea with his camera, and finding out later it was all upside down. The advantage going late there are less groups but there is more traffic. All had a dip at the front but Wiz exploded on the way back after a turn past Black Rock. Too 'berserk' for him. Europa for donuts and The Mayor questioned the felic design on his latte. Some blushing and a quick ride home.

The Corbett once again did his "Fatman" ride to Kinglake, hopefully missing the rocks and hopefully chai-ing up.

Sunday - KY and The Mayor headed to the Keilor hills with KY puncturing early. That was enough for him and it was a total of 10km for his ride. After assisting KY, The Mayor continued on. Pauly rode around the Boulevard and caught up with Annabella from Top Bike. Pauly could not persuade her to join us on our group in Spain and probably a smart thing for her.

Piffy - "“ride option” and Goat options for Friday. Smashed Brendo on 1/20, got wet, didn’t care. Bring it on"

From PC - "I think young Joe needs a few votes for an attempt at riding the wrong way down the 4 lane airport in road on Friday.  Navigation is obviously not one of his strengths. It was accomplished with a WHY ARE THE CARS GOING THE WRONG WAY facial expression."

Votes :

3 - The Mayor - clueless with his new camera, firing up the girls at Eurpoa and smashing people on the Mordy ride.

2 - Wiz - too 'berserk'

1 - The Grining - unable to control the frenzied women at The Corner.

1 - Joe - you are not in Europe yet!

July 30 & 31

"He is a tough a man - KT could still manage a smile"

Saturday - On a blustery morning KY, The Mayor, Pauly, Joe, KT & The Corbett took to the road to Kinglake. Joe & KT as expected were doing all the work while the others battled their way through Warrandyte and the hills it had to offer. We caught up with Ewen Gellie who would have seen some of the crew at their worst. The crew split and KY's mechanical (SRAM - not rated!) probably saved him from explosion. Towards Kinglake Fast Crew boys Joe & KT flew to the top while the others did what they could into the breeze. On the climb, The Corbett & KY agreed that tapas was an absolute rip off, a way to charge main meal price for entre, and that sangria should not be purchased in Australia! Coffee and donut, then the nice downhill with the wind, and then chai tea at the St Andrews market. Disappointing there were no bongos. KT could not work out why we were there but realised after tasting the magnificent chai. We were looking forward to the wind assisted ride home and near Panton Hill the sound we all despise was loud. The sound of a crash coupled with a loud grunt. KT at the back of the group hit a rock the size of a golf ball that somehow the others missed. He didn't look good and the ambulance was called. The ambo took over an hour and in the meantime others assisted. Thanks to the nurse who was passing by, neighbours, fire brigade officer, and from passing cyclists including Andy from Fyxomatosis who all showed concern. Also thanks to the ambo officers who pumped KT with drugs. Last we saw of KT was him throwing up all the good stuff. The result is that he has a broken rib and some severe lacerations. Also some expensive Assos knicks and replacement Top Bike gear destroyed. He is a strong man and will be back for Spain. The others continued with Pauly needing food because of an imminent explosion. The Mayor's homing device cut in and it was 50 kmh along Moreland Road. Joe and KY struggled to keep on his wheel.

Sunday - Stevie took to the the Boulevard. KY was meant to join him but poofed out.

Votes - KT, you get them all. The 3, 2 & 1for your crash, and being your 1st crash. Also for the disbelief that a chai tea tent actually existed!

July 22 & 23

Are these blokes crab fisherman? - St Andrews market

Saturday - KY and Joe took to the ski slopes at Kinglake. Freezing with frost covering our clothing, until the higher section of Kinglake was reached where they found themselves in sunshine, above the clouds. Coffee with donut with powerade with quality at the cafe. Back down the hill where Joe was nearly taken out by some hippies who cut the corner on the way up. The sound of the bongo drums lured them into the St Andrews market where the chai was magnificent (or should it be honey with a touch of chai). It was not the place for lycra! One of the chai drinkers could not understand CNUT humour. Joe later was nearly taken out 3 times in the one round a bout (car did not realise Joe was turning, car did not give way and car door was opened in front of him - Joe at his abusive best!). If it was a breakaway in Le tour the work rating would have been Joe 99%, KY 1%. The Corbett was also in the area for the 10th time in the past couple of months. Went a bit later so he did not have to endure the cold. Word is he was rooted.

The Captain and The Mayor again ventured for some hard work around Keilor. Evidently Concrete Hill and McNabbs was done 5 times in a row once again.

Piffy and Brendo would have needed to pry their nuts out of their stomach in the Dandenongs. Piffy : "I smashed Brendo around the Dandenongs on Sat morning; Christ it was cold in the foggy gullies around Monbulk. Frostbitten fingers & other bits. Sadly, blew up a bit later on Perrins Creek Rd, but recovered by Olinda. Good training given the lack of sleep. This week I am breaking out the Spanish vocab books. Mañana Piff"

Wiz and Vista rode to Mordy and considering they are not Spain participants would have enjoyed the ride. Vista seriously thought about going to Kinglake!

Pauly rode the Boulevard and had good intentions for Macedon Sunday - too much rain!

Votes :

3. Joe - for somehow avoiding cars and carrying KY the whole way (except for 1%)

2. KY - for trying to make the chick serving chai smile (eventually did) and for the amount of honey in the chai creating overflow.

1. Corbett - for the private training. Watch out!


"Some think it is Paris, in North Essendon - wouldn't have thought so"

Saturday -

Joe and crew busted their ass to Macedon. 140kms at 30 kmh. They are flying. However, rumour has it the sag wagon was called to Riddles Creek!

The Captain & The Mayor ventured to the Keilor Hills with Concrete Hill being completed 5 times in a row. Good to see others hurting.

Pauly, Wizz & Supa - "lads club for us - coffee and sourdough. No bins no traffic Cold as a nuns out this morning  4 degrees at mine however Wiz reckons -1 at casa Young Wizza had a meltdown at Mordi - he had 5 layers on , 2 sets of gloves, a beanie, cnut hat and two pairs of skins Supa - man he is crazy. Rode with a chipped and stress fractured wrist. Had to lean on some bloke to stop at the lights"

KY - in The Otways and never been so cold. Pace was on and near vomit on the flat and near loss of bowel fuction on the hills.

Sunday -

KY & Ross rode along the Great Ocean Road. Ross somehow got dizzy spells near Lorne so KY ended up riding the hills alone  to Deans Marsh. The hills seemed harder than the Otway Classic. Walking in pain now.


3 - Supa - Heroic riding, should be coming to Spain

2 - Wiz - meltdown

1 - to be confirmed, whoever it was in the sag wagon at Riddles Creek.





"PC putting in the effort to change the tube - but forgot to use the new tube - WTF?"

Saturday - Pauly, The Captain, KY, The Mayor and PC ventured to The Boulevard. 3 laps, 5 Yarra Streets including 3 in a row, 4 schools hills and a few punctures.

Corbett - "As usual could not get away early enough to ride with the crew so the solo fatman ride was it. 100km to Kinglake with a nice NW headwind on the way out. Headwind died off and became a Southerly headwind on the way back. Got to St Andrews and the SRAM powerlink in the chain decided to unlink itself. Nice. Quick repairs and offers of lifts back to town with some ferrals. Managed to get bike fixed and then rode off. Just after Smiths Gulley rear tire goes flat. They love breaking glass out there. Quick repair and swear never to use Michelin Pro Race on that ride again. Back home and absolutely rooted. Looking forward to Cerveza and Chorizo."

Votes :

3 - PC for the lesson on canisters, only to use it on the same tube that was punctured

2 - The Corbett - for somehow getting another mechanical

1 - The Captain - for the manlove and when told we were doing a 4th lap, in a schoolboy voice "well I am going home!"



Read Report from last week - identical ride

......except for Supa - absolutely rooted, the return of the Captain's copper, return of the Mayor somehow in form after a week of prawns and beer.

Joe and the Fast Crew flew to Kinglake and no doubt no chai tea at St Andrews. Why - scared of the bongoes?

Stevie and Michelle completyed the Gold Coast Marathon. Stevie did his best time at 3:14:26 and Michelle just under 5 hours. Great effort.

Votes :

3. Stevie - for achieving his goal, hopefully not losing anymore weight!

2. Michelle - don't know how you can run that long!

1. Supa - once again winning Fashions on the Field and for totalling busting himself on the bike.


26-6-10 Melburn Roobaix

Riders - KY, Piffy, The Corbett, The Captain, Archie, Ewen, Matt (lost at start!), Supa, Pauly, Mitch, Brendonovitch & new Irish recruit Joe.

Minutes of ride :

Early kiss to the 2009 trophy, The Captain & KY early reccy on the Nappenmuur, The Captain early mechanical (loose headstem), Pauly early mechanical (loose crank), Matt early mechanical (floppy chain), KY - Poon Leaders jersey, Hawthorn velodrome - big bikes, ninja's, clowns, Supa early crash Twa-ville at speed (took out another, covered in mud, thought wrist was broken, brake lever busted), Corbett's salute to Glenferrie Oval,  Supa presented jersey by podium girl, Pauly & Mitch taking on the off camber single track along the Yarra and nearly crashing, Joe presented the jersey by Super Girl, Brendo presented jersey by anti- podium girl in Northcote (no kiss for you), lunch at the Great Northern (black beer, amber beer, dodgy coffee, microwaved pie at milk bar, pizza with eggs and bbq sauce - YES), Archie presented the jersey by taller podium girl,  Ewen disappeared but returned (battling with - a hole in his leg), The Koppenberg twice (except for The Captain, why not? He already had his chocolates), Piffy final wearer of jersey, 1st time up Koppenberg high level of excitement by spectators, 2nd time spectators had enough!, Nappenmuur for the 2nd time (just a bit harder), funk music blasting - love it!, finally get there, Power Rangers - love their work, Catwoman - not so sure!, a couple of laps of track, KY left some skin on the track much to the amusement of fellow team members, (actually a complete lack of concern, thanks to the 2 riders that looked after him, thanks to St Johns who patched him up, track rider he is not), Beers and sausages (The Captain - you cannot get a better meal!), Brendo wins DVDs, no trophy for us - next year. Enough beer, enough riding, Corbett only had another 50km to get home! Pauly, KY and The Captain finished off with coffee at Ray's, KY discovering another scar.

Thanks to Andy and his crew  - another great day, don't know how they pull it off!

Thanks also to the podium girls -

Votes :

3. Pauly - smashed everything in his way. Very urban man, very Brunswick man.

2. Supa - for continuing on with a smashed wrist, one less brake, riding one hand - courage above and beyond!

2. Ewen - using the excuse of a dodgy leg to get away from the crew.

1. KY - for leaving most of his right side on the track, and getting absolute no sympathy from family!

Special mention to Joe who we met on the ride, great bloke, rode the 'blue bike', drank beer, wearer of jersey, hope to see you for another outing on the bike.



KY, The Captain, Pauly, Stevie, Wiz and Piffy -  Pretty standard ride to Mordy at at fair pace - 85kms all up. Coffee was had at The Salford Lads Club in Port Melbourne. Women in floral dresses - RATED!

Joe & KT rode to Riddell's Creek and would have been MORE than a fair pace.

Votes :

3. Piffy - was turning a lighter shade of grey but kept up the whole way. Getting stronger for Spain.

2. Pauly - for the adventure to Salford Lads Club.

1. Stevie - for trying to teach us new rules. No caps while drinking coffee? - WTF?

June 18 & 19

Saturday - KY, Joe, The Captain, The Mayor, Wizza, Brendo & Supa turned back the clock and enjoyed the ride to Mordi and back.

It was opening day for The Mayor's Pinarello FP7 beauty but this was somewhat overshadowed by The Captain's opening stanza on Beach Road with his retro copper Wilier. It was the Pinarello boys, Joe and The Mayor, leading almost the whole way to Mordy. The rest of the crew thought it was best to put the expensive bikes on front for a little "Beach Road cred". Call it want you want (Rheem hot water system, Paleface Adios), The Captain (we could call him David Copperfield), struggled to hold the copper beast on the sprint to Mordy. It was a laugh the whole way as he held the one one split before he pulled out, and exploded. Captain, tried his best to convince other non team members he was actually on a horse! Wiz had to cover the copper beast at Mordy as he told all onlookers "$2 per view". Joe continued onto Frankston while the others rode back into the wind to St Kilda. The group split, due to the Black Rock round a bout, and due to some lack of fitness with KY and Wiz taking the lead in astrong bunch. All met up in Elwood for the ride to the city. It was very very ordinary coffee at Hell's Kitchen but there were again plenty of oohhs and aahs as onlookers stopped to look at the copper beast. A Canadian  couple fell in love with the Copper (see pics) and took some happy snaps (maybe looking for a 3some with The Captain)before Supa had to put the hat down for collection of coins. In need of some good coffee we headed to the city version of Padre in Bennet's Lane. Of the highest quality it was, as was the food. While other customers could not understand our eating methods, we did not care. The ride was finished with a nice Corona on the verandah of Club Young. 85kms of mayhem.

Others - not sure, awaiting information.

Sunday - KY thought he would take a lazy ride to Wonga Park from Moonee Ponds. Turns it it was windy, hilly and hard. He got lost and made the call as he was heading miles out of his way. 45kms of non fun!

Votes :

3. The Captain (aka david Copperfield) - endless copper pipe hysteria!

2. Wiz - endless puns on the Copper.

1. Brendo, Supa & The Mayor - great to see them back in action, on and off the bike.

June Long Weekend

"Just before it got serious" - June 13

Saturday - Joe and the Fast Crew busted themselves on their ride to Kinglake. Evidently there were a few explosions including some crampage. KY has the Zulu cramp stop tablets if required. The Corbett was spotted on his own doing his own private thing through Kinglake. Not sure if he fuelled up on the chai at St Andrews. Pauly and The Captain ventured to the Keilor hills with The Captain riding the copper Wilier for the 1st time. Evidently not an enjoyable ride. KY was down the coast and 50kms with the locals. A wake up call on how unfit he was.

Sunday - KY, Ross & Tony rode 80kms on the Great Ocean Road. The wind was hell. Somehow we seemed to be riding into it both ways. KY was a little fitter but was 'gorn' at the end.

Monday - Joe, KY & Ross rode in absolute perfect conditions along the Great Ocean Road. Joe was the strong man and KY was hallucinating trying to keep up. Had expensive coffee and donuts with Bracksy and another 30 poons at Wye River. On the way back Joe and KY lost Ross and while waiting Ross rode past trailing some quality female. The arms were in the air as he passed. KY and Joe finished off with some 20 per cent climbs and with some encouragement and heckling from local walkers.  KY could not turn another pedal.

Votes -

3. Ross - for the victory salute

2. The Corbett - for refusing to ride with others

1. Joe - for doing it too easy

Weekend June 5

"A touch of the European atmosphere - in Brunswick"

Friday - Pauly and KY road the fixies to Brunswick Velodrome to watch some cyclocross madness. Ewen was there checking out the course for an assault next race and Scotty wheeled a highly stocked esky there but refused to give a beer to KY and Pauly. The fixie boys then road to Pinna's birthday celebrations in Richmond. Pinna was toasted on vodka and the sambucca shot didn't help him. 8 beers and $60 later, Pauly and KY left and completed around 35km all up - not bad for a Friday night.

Saturday - Wiz and KY took on the Boulevard. 3 laps, 2 Yarra Streets and 3 school hills. 75 cruisy kilometres. Coffee at Euro style cafe with salami ciabatta. Quality.

Corbett once again did the Fatman ride out to Kinglake. 4 hours worth and he is only getting stronger.

Piffy - "Brendo & Piff experienced the delights of the Dandenongs on Saturday morning, great conditions for the first weekend of winter.  A miracle of sorts has occurred.Despite not riding the previous weekend, I seem to have found a new mystery power source, getting up Olinda & 1/20 with relative ease. Possible explanations:

1. Previous Kinglake training.

2. Relocating  "single-speed Piffy" to the study & spinning up a few kms during the week

3. Pilates "plank" exercises, very good for the core

There is some hope for me yet in the mountains of northern Spain."

Not sure who else rode...........

Votes :

3 - Pinna. For celebrating hard on his birthday and for the comment "vodka has no effect on me".

2 - Scotty. Not allowing KY and Pauly a frothy.

1 - Joe. For his love of Otto and truly believing he won't let the Cats down.

Weekend May 29

Rides and non rides :

Friday : The Mayor and KY did 95 kms for the opening ride of The Mayor's new Pinarello (pic to come)

Weekend : KY, The Mayor, The Captain, Vista and Wiz enjoyed a weekend of increasing girth at Q1 on the Gold Coast. Thanks Wiz for a great weekend of surf, fast japanese eating, beer of a different style (xxxx or Carlton?), The Mayors spitting a pie on a woman at the footy, a pie for every beer at the footy, Wiz bagging Karmichael Hunt and then.....Wiz being the only person in the stadium not standing and cheering when Karmichael Hunt kicked a goal from outside 50m, bus rides in opposite direction, The Mayor's acrobatics on the bus, The Mayor's rendition of a Scottish classic on the bus,  wine southed quickly, expensive jackets, Smirnoff Ice road trucking, craps, steam rooms with some sort of funky smell, sauna with liberal use of water of the coals, spas with some sort of funk, north pool, indoor pool, binoculars, winning with the horses and losing it all, a little salt and pepper calamari with a lot of batter, the woman who was 'pied on' spotting The Mayor at the airport, and unfortunately plenty of The Captain nude.  

Saturday : Joe - 3 votes to the guy in the black russian kit who with his 3 comrades flew by me at Sandringham providing a useful draft to Mordi.  Was raining a wet & he only slowed up a bit from 40 to 36kmh when his mates were querying whether he was making a cappuccino with his arse. He tried to explain thha all the bubble & froth was to do with the Omo that he had  being using but his comrades weren't buying the story. 

Pauly did the Whittlesea Challenge : "The cnut brother hood ?? - no riders on Saturday. I know "harden the fuck up". It's only a 110 kms but I got t say it's a hard 100 or so. Averaged about 28km/hour and absolutely smashed myself. Cramped so much that I seriously thought I was going to have to use the sag wagon. Rode the last 30kms ensuring that was spinning on everysection - any change saw a great knot of thigh muscle.  WTF - must have eaten the wrong fuel or am just not used to riding without a group.  Most of the ride was dry but foggy and cold . 4 degrees up at kinglake.  Lots and lots of carbon wheels - why ? All in all I hated most of it - was never riding a road bike again by the end of it. However I'll be back out there next year and on Saturday.

3 votes - Pauly for the above

2 votes - Vista for finally taking us to Jimmy's Kitchen for salt n pepper calamari

1 vote - The Mayor for riding so hard that he had to scream

Others - clueless.


Weekend May 22

"The Boston at Kinglake - rating of 8 out of 10, the icing not quite as high as Fergusson Plaires"

Ride Report Saturday 21 May.


A relatively fine day saw a small but enthusiastic crew link up for the assault on Kinglake. A dedicated bunch took the Joe McShanag tourist route (much to the disgust of Wizz) to link up with the not so hard men of the east in 'The Corbett' and Piffy who were running a couple of minutes late due to a dodgy warm up loop. Prior to the arrival of the representatives of the eastern crew, the two fast crew riders who turned up for the ride to Blackburn Rd turned around and headed back home.  Joe breaks with conventional wisdom and heads along Warrandyte Road by passing Eltham and throwing the rest of the crew into the unknown. 


A fairly tight bunch riding along but it becomes clear the Joe and KY are in a class of their own leaving Wizz, The Corbett and Piff to form a division 2 squad and continue on. No break always survive too long as anyone in the lead waits of the crew to reform. Mid way through a discussion on the merits of Corona's in Mexico and how hard they seem to be to get hold of The Corbett rides over shards of glass and his rear tyre explodes. It is at this point we realise no one has a pump. Joe saves the day with a gas canister and we are on our way.


The ascent up to Kinglake was a it always was. The only way to ride is at your own pace. Climb honours went to Joey followed by KY. The Corbett, Wizz and Piff followed.


A brief stop (for some) for coffee and Boston Bun and then back on the way home. Joe had to leave early so he took off never to be seen again. There is some dangerous signs for anyone riding in Spain. Joe is in form.


The remaining crew made the way back to Eltham where the Eastern Crew once again took on Blackburn Rd and then to the finish. No idea of how the other boys went but no reports of major failure.


A good solid ride to start the official base building phase. (This was supposed to be active rest for Wizz - but not much rest at all).




3 - Joey. Unstoppable.

2 - KY. Solid effort and in form

1 - Wizz. TT bikes are not the best for climbing or high speed descending.

1 - Piff. Did not turn grey and limited consumption of 'orange whips' the night before. New training plan started there.

Others - The Mayor rode his own road "McNabbs Road" in the dark - with vest I suspect, The Captain and Pauly did a couple of laps at the Boulevard. The Captain actually rode the school hill (that's way out there!) and Pauly did double the work on the fixie.

Not sure who else.........


Weekend 15-5-11

Friday the 13th - the lads above celebrated with some coudy filth at Mountain Goat. Weather wasn't great for riding but enjoyable. Standard fair - Pinna eating someone else's pizza, The Captain southing some very quick beers, some chick planking Pinna - WTF?, lessons from Pinna how to talk to women,Pinna picking up a Collingwood scarf on the way to Pellegrinis, Pellegrini owner giving it to Pinna thinking he barracked for the pies. No vodka syringes though. This all adds up to 3 votes Pinna.

Earlier on Friday, The Mayor attempted to ride to Sorrento and had to admit his vest wasn't up to it. He was totally unprepared and had to stop at Mornington and get picked. 3 votes Mayor

Saturday - Wiz and KY (with hangover) had all intentions to ride to Mordi. They made it to the city where bacon and eggs were consumed in Hell's Kitchen lane. KY woke the Bridges household in Carlton up by yelling "harden up". Evidently Michelle was not amused. The Fast Crew were meant to race - Joe was still celebrating the Cats win so couldn't do it.

Not sure who else rode...........



Week ending May 8

"Cavendish couldn't crack a smile the whole ride"

Friday : PC -

Joe is making a habit of collecting midweek votes and today was no exception. In fact it was a stand out effort on his behalf. A depleted "fast crew" made a slightly delayed start from Richo and Joe proceeded to catch every red light available I certainly observed different colours to the rest of the squad. Joe's lead out to the 112 Tram in St Georges Rd was something to behold and certainly drew the ire of one tram driver who repeatedly rang his bell. He was later heard saying "I am sure there was room for the two of us".

2 laps of the bouly with a Yarra st and 2 schoolie hills completed the mornings training. Joe followed this with a lead out to a Nissan Pathfinder in the back streets of Brunswick that had a similar outcome to the 112 encounter.

So todays Renshaw award goes to Joe 3 points 

Saturday : Fast crew PC, KT & Joe joined with KY, Pauly, The Captain, Cavendish and Mark from My Mountain for his virgin CNUT ride. Anything but a normal ride. Moments of madness :

1. Near head on between a truck and a 4 wheel drive with horse trailer. Would have taken us all out.

2. Mark's problem with the cold thinking he was at Base Camp on Mt Everest - had to stop in Wildwood looking for a newspaper. When he saw the 4th "no trespassing sign" he knew that we were not welcome.

3. The gravel and glass near the airport. There were some brown stains in some knicks.

4. The driver pulling out in front of us who must have forgot he had a trailer. Close call. Cavendish gave him a verbal along with another driver!

5. The coffee place in Essendon Fields forgetting that we ordered coffee - WTF?

6. Mark getting hit by a mirror on a 4 wheel drive in Essendon. The verbal was magnificent! No injuries luckily.

Votes : 3. Mark - for the above and calling the ride more dangerous than Paris Roubaix........and for not coping with the cold. Get some decent gloves! 

2. Scotty - for being angry most of the ride

1. The Captain - for continual blow ups

The Corbett, Piffy and Stevie were spotted at Kinglake. Two word from The Corbett - "Piffy destroyed". 3 votes Piff!

Sunday : Brendo "Princess"- Yep, rode to Rye... on sunday.... And yes, two km's of  the 85, were dry. Not the work of a princess, me thinks!!!


Wiz the Ironman 1-5-11


Arrived at port mac on Wednesday pm after a drive up from Melbourne  my back was still sore and it then starting raining all the way thru to Saturday afternoon without stopping got one short ride in  (got wet)  two runs (got wet)  one swim  (got even wetter) before the big day

Alarm went off  415am on Sunday    this is it   10 months of training  early morning swims afternoon bike rides and evening runs were going to be played out over the next 12-13 hrs.

Got down to the check in  was feeling ok   1086 people of all walks of life and about 300 of them like me doing this for the first time

About 610am started getting the wetsuit on for a 630am start then when all was done and walking to the start   oh no  I need a crap   so wetsuit down to knees  tri suit to knees and a big shit was taking and needed. Got zipped up entered water with about 5 mins to go  (so much for a warm up)  swam out to the start about 50 mts off shore then tried to get the goggles right that at 630am BANG 1086 people started off I was right in the middle all arms and feet by I said to myself don’t get upset or uptight with all the arms and legs   just relax and it seem to work  got in an easy stroke and away we went only had 1 women call me a fuckwit in the swim so all good and exited the water 1hr 20mins  which for me wasn’t too bad  I was taking it easy

Got help with the wetsuit for all the helpers in transition so got all my food and now off for a nice 180km bike ride the 12mts draft zone was interesting came past the first penalty box and 9 people were in it so be carful

The first 20 kms  I was told was like kew  but I thought it was a lot steeper and the road surface was crap and to top it off all the way down to the turn around 45 kms  was into about a 25kms head wind   tough

I kept  telling myself to take it easy not to blow up on the bike don’t forget what was to follow and to keep eating and drinking and it seemed to work  about 8 kms from the half way mark is a  climb called mathew flinders drive  it makes yarra st like like a bump  my legs were both cramping and I was doing 6kms with a heart rate of 185 when I got over it and all I could think off for the next 90kms I how I was going to do that again.

The second lap was harder with the wind picking up   got over the hill and returned 180kms is 6.5hrs  slower than I thought but I made sure I had something left

Went out on the 4 lap run never having run 42.2kms before and determined not to stop except for the aid stations

Got into the grove ok  and the kms ticked by by the time I got to 25ms I knew I would make it  just wanted to keep going to make sure I could run it without stopping

Got on my last lap it was dark and I was going to be a IRONMAN

Coleen,Sarah,emma were in the finish cute gave them a kiss  then as I ran to the finish line mike to voice of IRONMAN thru out the world said “AT 50 YEARS OF AGE AT HIS FIRST ATTEMPT FROM SUNBURY VICTORIA PAUL WILLIAMS   YOU ARE A IRONAMAN”  that was great   42.2 kms in 4hr 46min   and stopped the clock at 12hr 59 mins 13 sec

Thanks to all you guys  for all your support and interest it was great to get all the good luck messages and thanks god its all over

I may not have retired from IRONMAN but I wont do port mac again  the ride is too hard



Weekend May 1 2011

"Yep Mayor, the sun came up, unusual that!"

Saturday - The Captain, KY (with hangover), Pauly, The Mayor, the new bulked up Pina took on The Boulevard. Supa turned up later and took only. Only 2.5 laps which included Yarra Street twice (refused by The Captain) and the school hill twice (refused by The Captain). Some inside overtaking and some verbal probably the only highlight. Also KY got angry as he did an Andy Schlek. SRAM let him down again as the chain came off at speed. Coffee in Lygon Street where Pina discovered Supa has an "old man's long ass". Beers followed on Club Young balcony.

Votes - 3. The Captain (for the refusal to do the hills for training for Spain. WTF?) 2. Pina (for finally turning up and the beer opening skills). 1 Supa (for the package and for kitting up for a 15minute spin to the Lygon food store and having a long ass!)

Definition : "The long ass refers to a more mature gentlemen (or lady) with no defined area where the top of the bum finishes and the back starts"

The Corbett and Stevie completed as casual ride around Kinglake - nice work lads

Well Joe's Fast Crew competed and completed the inaugural Arthur's Seat Bay 2 Bay ride and what an event it was. 113km of sensational scenery and quiet peninsula roads that felt like 10 Kew bouly returns with 6 continuous Yarra Sts at the 20k mark.

The Crew on the day were Joe, K.T., Rob, PC, Wazza from Brighton, and a couple of ring ins Andrew and Alistair.

The opportunities for points were far to frequent but here is a bit of a run down.

Joe; 3 points for precision driving display on the way home and another 1 Point for the start line creep that took us 20km to make up, nice one team leader.

The unknown Brothers of Darkness rider with the mullet; 2 points

Rob yet again far to strong 1 point

K.T. Where is wally abscence from finish line photo 1point

Wazza 2 points for the post ride beers story about his dread locks

PC self nomination for the dummy spit 3 points

Andrew 2 points for never letting his nose get near the wind.

This will become one of Melbourne's best rides. An inaugural ride that was very well run over an awesome course.

Results from the climb out through the week.


Sunday - Wiz completed the Port Macquarie Ironman. Huge effort! Awaiting details from Wiz.

Easter Weekend 2011

"KY's mtb anxiety attacks were gone after this view" - Anzac Day

Reports to come.....

Friday - The Mayor and Joe's Fast Crew were out and about Macedon. From Paul C : "Good Friday was just that with a group of 5 heading north for well earned HOT Cross Buns straight from the oven at the Riddell's Creek Bakery. The days votes dominated by the performance of one KT. We feel it may be necessary to enrol him in some prep classes to help with left and right so 3 votes for wondering why his booties were rubbing. 2 votes for the very early suicidal sprint from the Lancefield road ,he went 30 seconds late last Saturday and 5 minutes early on Friday only to be chased down by one Rob Poulter. 1 vote to the fox that nearly took out all of us on the way home and a further 2 votes to Russ for failing to observe the religious significance of the day, a 1kg piece of red meat and a bottle of red for dinner." 

Saturday - The Captain, The Mayor, Pauly & The Fast Crew were sighted around Wildwood. KY & Brendo rode with the Great Ocean Road crew. Brendo was complaining about the cold when a local, Kylie, told him he was a "PRINCESS". This must stick! The way he was talking about it he wants it to stick! 2 votes for you Brendo.

Sunday - KY and local hardman, Geoff (hard because he has done 20 marathons!) met up with Paul from Moonee Ponds and did the Benwarrin thing. Highly enjoyable.

Monday - Pauly, Joe, Martin and not sure who else took on some hills in Bendigo. I think Pauly was sorted out. KY was also sorted out on the mtb by local guru Tony, and joined by some other tourists, with some insanely steep fire trails and beautful single track. 2 further crashes (due to a wet bridge and then deep sand) adds to his count for the year (10 to date!)  KY gets 1 vote.

Mid week 20-4-11

"Pauly tried to ride in the dark - without a chain"

There has been some sightings mid week.

Joe and The Fast Crew were out at Macedon :

J McShanag - 3 Votes. Early morning rendition of Collingwood team song on Honor Ave scarring Macedon locals and causing dogs to take cover.


J Mcshanag - 2 Votes. heard mooing at cattle in paddock Hanging Rock.


J McShanag - 1 Vote. Some lame story about keeping his heart rate in zone 2 whilst trying to climb Mt Macedon.

Will leave it a 3 only Joe.

KY, Pauly & The Mayor have been sighted at The Boulevard in the dark on a fixie, single speed & a bike that completed the 1988 Great Victorian Bike Ride. It was full on, Pauly gassed it up the hills, KY busted 3 veterbrae up the school hill & The Mayor somehow kept up on the old rust bucket.


Weekend 17-4-11

"Not a true reflection of what speed were actually doing"

Fair crew to Mordy on Saturday - Joe's (virgin ride in full Top Bike kit) & his fast crew - KT, Rob & Paul together with regulars KY, Pauly, The Captain, The Mayor, Wizza and Stevie.

As expected the pace was hot from the get go, with us joining some quality Tri dudes having a real dip. KY had a sinking seatpost due to too much grease slowing the crew but it soon when back to the 'normal' 40 kmh. Pauly waited for the Captain who is missing his big gears at Mordy and turned around back to the Velvet. KY had another malfunction as his bars bent forward over a pot hole and it was a big group together over Olivers. Stevie did a "Piffy" and stayed in the Tri group (understandable) and then tried to convince us he nailed us up Oliver's. The fast crew left the rest in their wake up Humphries for the turn around. The tail wind on the way back assisted but it was full throttle with the fast crew swapping turns at the front at over 45 kmh. (one point it was 52kmh on the flat!) The Mayor's split system jacket had to be removed as Wiz stopped at Mordi for his cookie. There was some agitation thrown at us for no hand signal into Mordi. This bloke had drafted us for 20kms and was angry. Give it a rest Champ!  There was no let up as we again set off. It was no Jason recliner as the 'armchair ride' behind was getting a little uncomfortable. Wiz ignored his coach and had to put it in th big ring to hang on. Stevie was getting a little agitated with some riders not holding wheels and also received some agitation from the same. Stevie at his angry best. Rob in particular was smashing us all and some other riders showed no repect by sprinting past at the end. KT tried to sort them out but left the sprint too late to upset anyone. The donut at Europa was well deserved by all. The bloke walking the middle of Acland playing guitar also entertained. Wiz finished the ride with another run or should I say shuffle. Why - because his coach said to.

Sunday : The Corbett managed to finally ride after a couple of delayed starts. A fondness for at least 6 hours sleep and an infant son who has so far refused to comply has taken its toll. I managed to venture out at about 11:00 on Sunday and put in a non stop cruise of 102km. Nothing special, just keeping the legs turning over. No racing, no poon abuse, no cookie stops. Simple old school ride. I'm looking forward to riding with the crew as soon as I can but not looking forward to the inevitable being smashed by the hard men of team c-nut. No amount of solitary riding prepares you for the pain of a bunch ride with mad men.

Voting :

3. D Hilton - snow blindness caused by those calves
2. S Bridges - remonstrating with fellow cyclist on Colnago & his mate (stage winner of Giro d'Italia). It's muted that he told them that they didn't know how to ride in a pack. Huh! Beach Rd clearly more difficult than the pro peloton Stevie
1. K Tonge - chasing & destroying anything that dared to challenge Team Cnut, including VIS champ on Rabobank team bike
1. P Currie - too fit, too much time at the front. Your superior form is rewarded with votes cnut style where only oddments get notoriety
1. Nameless chap on the mountain bike who drafted us at length at speeds in excess of 45km & 1 to Russman  also for asking him if he had broken a sweat yet 



Weekend 11-4-11

"The Corbett 9-4-11 - 22km of climbing, 1270m high, ROOTED!" 

Pauly, KY, The Mayor, Piffy, Brendo, KY, The Captain, Supa, Wiz and later Joe and Paul enjoyed the festivities of 4 laps of The Boulevard on Saturday. It turned out to be a tough ride with 2 or 3 Yarra Street climbs and 4 climbs of the school hill. Pauly tried to ride up one of the hills in the hardest gear (35kmh) and blew to smithereens. Piffy continued his new tradition by riding in other groups (thinking the discussion on Carlton did this). Paul fresh from 1000kms in 7 days was strong and fit and together with Joe on his formula one bike sorted out the field (they actually brained everyone). The Captain was crying like a baby when his heart went to 190bpm up Yarra Street. Coffee at the new Padre in Exploration Lane was enjoyed by all. Wiz had another 4 hours to do on the bike and supposedly Supa went with him. (Doubtful I would think). It was good to have a decent crew together. Joe is putting the finishing touches on our Spain training so expect more of The Boulevard.

The Corbett had to ride up Mount Wellington to escape his skeletons on the weekend. Watch out for him. Predicting the Corbett kilometre will be back down Beach Road.

Votes :

3. Paul - for smashing everyone except himself

2. The Corbett - for training up Mount Wellington so that he can smash us next

1. Piffy - for trying to make new friends and refusing to ride with us.

Late voting :

3. Supa - "For those of you who gave me shit about not oiling my chain I now now why I didn't do it earlier!! This is definitely an over rated job. I even wore a pair of rubber gloves and still got my hands full of f*^#in grease. However I did find a dead frog! "



Duael MTB Race 3-4-11

"Archie where he is most comfortable - up front smashing people"

"Pauly - you should be looking further forward. Technically incorrect"

Pauly and Archie at their feral best. From Archie :

Seemed pretty simple. Grab an old bloke and get him and his Kombi out there to cut hot ones for six hours around a reasonably flat mountain bike circuit. Turned out to be that - pretty simple. Also turned out to be FARKIN HARD!
As we pulled up to race HQ Paulie was heard to mention that the field looked pretty mean. There werent any fatties clattering around on old busters, no sausage van, no coffee truck, just a sh!tload of SRAM bunting and a whole bunch of serious mountain bike metal and muscle.
It was full of Victorian and Australian mountain biking royalty. It seemed like half the people there were pro. Proper pros - I mean, Trent Lowe was there. It was downright frightening.
When race start came around, I was sent out to cut the first lap. Paulies rationale being that I could get us in a good position that he could defend from lap two onwards.
It all started with a 500 metre uphill sprint leading out to one full lap of the 7.5km course. I got the elbows out and got us to second place in our group, which was Veteran Men (30+). I also damn near completely blew myself to pieces.
By the time I came in, I was tasting my own blood (which I kinda like sometimes) and feeling a little scared that I'd need to do that another 6 or 7 times.

The course was fast, but the format was pretty rigourous. Get warm, absolutely smash yourself for 20 minutes, send out your buddy, get cold, get warm...repeat.
With the laps being so short you had zero time to properly recover. There were no blankets, foot spas, hot coffee or harsh tongued women to get you to toughen up. And it was cold, real cold.

As the race ticked on I did a few hot ones, Paulie backed it up with a few hot ones himself and the course bedded in to become a big smooth whip fest. The elites were right on each others hammer, making a cracking race of it which in turn presented an awesome spectacle. The commentator was having a ball and apart from refering to Paul as my dad (I did correct him to say he was one of my dads) he was frothing, calling the results of 2000 odd laps that were cut. Paulies family came out to get lost in the woods and also brought us coffee, which was nice.
We ended up being placed about mid field by the time the race came to its conclusion, and considering the strength of the field, I was pretty happy with that. With about 45 minutes till stumps Mr Crampy paid a house call to Paulies lower half, forcing a slightly early exit.
Great race though. Great course, great field, even the injuries were great. Once cat broke his humorus in three places and another dude crashed in the timing chute to break his hip and his leg. Props to Paulie for pushing so hard for so long - and for taking us out there in the Loaf of Death.
Some results are attached, and a link to some of the photos is here:

3 votes each to Pauly and Archie - for getting through unscathed

Weekend 2-4-11

"Wiz - very very scared"

Saturday - Wiz, Vista, The Mayor, KY and Supa once again did the lazy ride to Mordi. Wiz did the "Ellis" and turned up late because of lack of organisation. Vista had already hit the road! Windy and rainy, those who missed it would have been happy. Vista and Supa both struggled as The Mayor and KY worked into the wind......or was it? Wiz and Vista behind refused to believe that the wind had actually turned around on the way down. Just get on the front and check? Supa had to wait at Black Rock because of the 5 kilograms lost during the week through both ends.  Vista was in a lot of pain and he had to play a full 'legends' football game later that day! The double was completed with good coffee and service at Hell's Kitchen (Vista claimed Velvet is still better, as always "coffee was not hot enough")  followed by another coffee and ..........strudel at Pellegrinis. Some quality walked into Pelligrinis and were very interested in one, R. Allcock.

Votes :

3. Vista - for the sufferring, playing a football game later and then getting on the turps (that's one big day)

2. Wiz - for doing the "Ellis" and for the "uncomfortableness" at Hell's Kitchen. Don't be scared Wiz.

1. Supa - for actually riding after a big week on the throne.

Sunday -  Joe and a few others ventured to Mt Eliza while others were utilising the extra hours sleep (or getting up an hour earlier because of the kids factor).

Wiz completed the half ironman at Geelong in 5hours 30 minutes. Double that and you have a pretty good ironman time. There was even a few extra kilometres thrown in at the end by the organisers! Very professional!


26-3-11 The Otway Classic

"The Devils were in full flight........"

Participants : KY, Wiz, Supa, The Captain, The Mayor, Piffy,Pauly, Brendo & Tony

Minutes : Friday night pub activity, Nando's, beer, more beer, Guiness, le rice, gravel, Wiz's music including MJ & Hairspray (WTF?), digital signal - pathetic, football, SBS 10pm, late start 7:30am, fair stench from overworked toilet, more le rice, early mechanical Supa, early mechanical for quality chick - The Mayor stopped for her causing complete split in group, "shortcut" through Moriac that may not have been short, rain, "comrade" formation at 40kmr with Tatura milk team, The Mayor's jacket with inbuilt split system air conditioning, "no 1" got an earful, KY scaring the female riders with his tattooed arm warmers, rain, more rain, The Mayor up the road leading the big bunch, The Captain in his own personal world, punctures everywhere but not us, no Billy Joel at Dean's March, The Captain angry in a world of hurt, the Devils weren't playing ACDC and were told, Brendo's comments re holes in the road and the "walk of shame", Wiz retaining KOM for 2011, the rest were at full tilt after the photo session with the Devils, The Captain and Supa leading a bunch up  to Benwarrin, freezing on downhill, another mention of The Mayor's jacket, Brendo and The Captain nature call on downhill (couldn't wait? KY went back up the hill to see if Brendo was ok! At 55 kmh couldn't differentiate between slash and flat), Thai sausage rolls at cafe, magnificent tailwind, madness at speed through Big Hill on the Great Ocean Road, The Captain, Piffy & Supa lead us home after the monument, Supa in unknown pain territory, Spanish style hill to finish us off, beers and bbq (plus QF shots), Led Zeppelin, JJ Grey & Mofro, good byes, pub action for KY & Wiz (missed the 'Z' at $14 but got "Jimmy Choix"), cheesiest pizza in the world, bed by 9:30pm!!, a great ride enjoyed by all.

From Pauly : ah the love  excellent riding ladies  

Dave with his fist in the air at the top of a climb - never thought I'd see that.

Brendo taming Donna and seeing the fruits. And he is so so quiet. 

Super - just for coming and gutsing it out.

Piff - the quiet achiever. No more where's Piff. He is right there in the thick of it. 

Youngy - in his element and smashing us all. Every time I tried to get near you I got humbled  

Russman - turning into the hardman again. Slow not soft is out the door I reckon.

Wizza - just rode with quiet determination then as we all sit back for a beer he goes for a run - WTF

Tony - where did that man go ?    

My highlight and lowlight -  

Brendo trying to commune with Alpacas by squeaking at them. 

Idiots flying past on team replica bikes with carbon wheels -  they are not even anywhere near the front of the field. toss pots

Votes :

6 - Brendo for his obvious comments

4 - Wiz for that music, Hairspray????

2 - Supa for gutsing it out at the end when fully rooted

2 - The Captain for continuous ranting and raving (because we wouldn't have it any other way)

1 - The Mayor for the continuing explanations on that jacket.

Other votes..........we all deserved some so one vote for all the rest of the poons


19-3-11 Frankston

KY, The Mayor, The Captain, Vista (Zavite can't win!), Wokka, Piffy (up at 4:30!!), Wiz, Supa, Stevie fresh from the Ironman in full kit & the new "old" Steve making a reappearance on a brand spanking Specialised.

On Saturday, the long journey to Frankston and back commenced at 6:00am in perfect weather conditions. A nice ride to Mordy where Wokka, Vista and the 2 Steve's pulled themselves off whilst the rest of the crew journeyed to Frankston. Most memorable moment was the full disc and time trial helmet passing us at speed. After Olivers KY pushed the crew a few extra kilometres but somehow got lost.........or it should be said got The Captain lost. He missed the turn off and added a few climbing metres. A quick stop in Frankston and it was the "Comrades" formation again working beautifully until some crew passed us, broke it up, and then slowed down for us to pass again! WTF? The Captain was singing "Reminiscing" by LRB. Definitely a winner on Gold FM. Get that out of your system before Spain. A quick stop for Wiz's must have biscuit at Mordy and it was strong riding back to Port Melbourne. The Velvet Bar was attended minus KY who has made a self imposed ban on the place. The Captain clocked over 140kms and was snoozing all afternoon.

The Corbett evidently attempted the same ride on Sunday and with 2 punctures by South Melbourne he gave up and took the train home. A great look that would have been.

Wizz at triathlon - Awesome effort on Sunday! 7th place overall and 3rd fastest bike split after a 140k ride Saturday, impressive stuff. (USED BIG RING FOR ONCE)

Votes :

3. The Captain - for getting lost, continually screaming "170" (his heartbeat), becoming a Gold FM addict singing "Reminiscing" (fxxxin' terrible) and for that bloody creaking bike. 2 words - "old technology"

2. Wiz - for riding the whole way on the small chainring because.........his coach told him to. The noise coming out of that bike was deafening. No suprise if the chain breaks on the Ironman.

1. The Corbett - for continually having issue getting over 40kms on a ride.

1. The new Steve - for actually believing KY's tattoo'ed arm warmers were real.

Next week.........The Otways


14-3-11 Keilor

Joe & KY ventured to the Keilor Hills for a quick 40km squirt taking in all the hills and were 1st on the scene to this - still smouldering. Looks like everything of value was taken except for a Shadows CD and Fleetwood Mac CD. Sorry - they are of no value.

3 votes for Joe for doing his citizen's duty and ringing the police.

Weekend 13th March 2011

Piffy - "This was handed to me by the guy with the tie who pulled over and offered me water as I was cramping in agony on the side of Mt Rael. Thanks JW's, you just made my day."

Piffy, Brendo & Jason A took to the hills and destroyed themselves. Piffy took some divine intervention assisted by the Jehovah Witnesses as he was lying on the ground crying from cramp. Now converted. For that 3 votes.

Wiz, KY, The Captain, Pauly, Rob, Kev & The Mayor took off early for a bit of an epic to Humphreys. Rob & Kev got bored with the easy ride to Frankston and no doubt smashed themselves on the way back to Essendon. The others continued on in perfect conditions. The Captain made the call for rolling thru and military precision it was - albeit with a lot of mouthing off. Europa it was with some new trim serving some average coffee and great donuts. Too many 'shirts off' for our liking along the way but an enjoyable ride. 130kms all up with strong man The Mayor leading the way on the Mount Road hill. 130kms all up. KY had a fair pumpkin from the night before watching The Hold Steady with The Grining and was glad it was over -

The Corbett - rode 125kms from Doncaster to Frankston but was not spotted. Evidently he is back to his best. Could have been an explosion though. Not sure about the Corbett kilometre.

Joe smashed himself Sunday doing 100kms finishing it off with the 'O' riders who evidently sorted him out on their 'warm up' ride before the Port Melbourne Crits.

Votes :

3 - Piffy for the conversion

2 - KY for holding in the vomit and riding 130kms

1 - The Captain for actually doing something that made sense calling the roll thru............and for keeping his shirt on.


Weekend 6-3-11

"One word - ROOTED"

Saturday :

  • The Captain, Brendo, Jason E, The Corbett & Supa took to the Dandy Hills with The Captain not convinced with compact cranks. Evidently hours on the trainer does not equal the real thing. A beautiful still morning for a ride from Olinda and up many hills/mountains, but it was cold, cold COLD!!!! Supa was first to arrive at Olinda pool, followed by the Captain, Brendonavitch, Jason E and The Corbett, wearing short knicks and short jersey and fingerless summer gloves! Votes. Let's "Train for Spain" was the call and the group set off, minus Jason E of course as he hadn't got his attire and bike ready even though he had arrived at the car park 10 minutes before The Corbett! Heading down the wall, The Corbett, Supa and Brendonavitch flew quickly into the descent. The Captain, feeling a little more conservative stayed well back, glancing at his speedo reading 68kmh and thinking "That'll do pig." All of sudden a green flash whooshed by, scaring the shit out of The Captain, only to see Jason's ass in full tuck scream by!Intelligencia. (Later to be told "I hit 93kmh down the wall!") Votes. Apparently he caught up to The Corbett, who had to brake heavily to let him in lest he collide with an oncoming car! Hmmmm, more votes! Jason, you have a wife, two children and one on the way! Unless you are insured for high seven figures, slow down! There is simply no need to take risks! Once the group collected together at the bottom of the Wall, a steady pace commenced with the pack of five up many unpleasant climbs. Still, good training for Espana thought The Captain and Corbett, but both agreed we were not built for hills! (Even with the new $1000+ compact cranks The Captain has had fitted, he struggled, but didn't whinge!)
    Brendonavitch and The Captain became separated from the other three due to a directional misunderstanding between Jason and Brendan which resulted in The Captain having to a climb a ridiculous 17% hill to meet the others in Monbulk! Not happy! A final ascent up The Wall to get to the cafe saw the group round out a hard, but productive 78km climbing morning. Coffee and scones at Olinda and goodbyes were said back at the pool carpark. Special mention to Supa who hasn't been riding a lot due to well known reasons but still manages to climb like a f*cking mountain goat!! A great ride Brendo in near perfect conditions! Thanks! 
    3 votes. Jason E. For screaming down The Wall at 93 kmh, scaring the shit out of other riders and for no sensible reason.
    2 votes. Brendonavitch. For telling the Captain "there's one more little climb to go" before rounding a bend to be confronted by a ridiculous 17%er!
    1 vote. The Corbett. For leaving home thinking I don't need to wear longs, to get out of the car at Olinda pool carpark to be wearing summer riding gear when it's 4C!
  • KY rode with a crew in the Otways around 60kms. 2 dickhead motor cyclists missed the 12 strong group by centimetres. As David Bowie said "We can be heroes, just for one day". Or was it "little Fat Man"? Finished off the ride with the steepest hills possible without flipping the bike. (Gonna be tough in Spain)
  • The Mayor, Vista and Wizz - From The Mayor "Wiz, Vista and I took off from club allcock for a very lazy stroll to Mordy. Wiz had triathlon Sunday so rolling the legs over was the objective.Bit Nippy. I had my brand new wind vest and was loving it! Think I may have mentioned how good it was about 112 times to Wizza, who just quietly I think, may have wished he had one!!! Vistas old stalian had a few gear problems and got stuck in a gear half way to Mordy so was peddling about as fast and hard as a great big Armadillo could. Never a complaint or upset word came from him. Maybe because he couldnt speak... Time for a service we felt, but having Wiz and I there, who are as useless with mechanical things as tits on a Angus bull, weren't much help at the turning point so we decided we would also stay in the small chain to support Vista on his charge home. Into the wind on the way down. With it on the way back, no large chain, so legs were spinning pretty fast as we headed back to Port Melbourne  where I  introduced the lads to the thinnest Sour Dough toast ever at a new cafe. They didnt have Apricot toast so Vista was pleased, although the Sour Dough toast was pretty thin...... Well paper thin really..., but served by a fine looking Eastern Block spunkrat that pleased the lads enough to deal with it. No incidents Really so I have to take the hard Youngy line and give everyone else but me a vote!!!! I feel my new wind vest made me exempt from any! How good was it Wizza!! 

3 Votes Greggy Vista Armadillo for his high speed pedalling prowess and mechanical bike skills

2 Votes for Youngy  because I had to feed his cat again this weekend !

1 Vote Wizza. No reason. Just because I sent this email before anyone else did!!!!"

  • Stevie did the Ironman in Taupo - "Tough day. It rained throughout and heavily most times. Made the ride hard and the run very unpleasant. Finished in 11:46 which was disappointing but a PB finish. Looking forward to a beer and riding with the crew soon" GREAT EFFORT STEVIE - now you can get back to your main role, riding at the front into the wind saving our skins!

Sunday :

  • Ewen & Jason A went mountain biking at Smith's Gully - Ewen "Paul didn't make it succumbing to sickness, only Jason got a taste of the Smiths Gully singletrack, and did well managing a fast pace on trails that demand 100% concentration ... almost too much concentration for a 8am Sunday morning start ... . The post-ride coffee, and bacon croissant....err toasted sandwich sir? Were worth the wait." Jason A - "Toasted sarnie was worth the wait. Only just, but it was a long wait.Excellent riding out there, however trying to stay with a bloke who does wheelies around uphill switch backs at attack pace can be a bit of a limit experience.Lots of fun though - and its like chook sh!t for your riding skillzzz roses."
  • KY rode on his lonesome 90kms around the Great Ocean Road. Thought the ride was easy to Wye River but had to ride the 45kms back into a stiff easterly.  Could barely turn the pedals by the end. Legs absolutely 'gorn'. Saw fabulous Phil at Wye River while drinking a $4 coffee and $4.50 almond croissant the size of a 50c coin. Beautiful ride though.



Weekend 27-2-11

"Opening day of the white pant - early shot required"

What a morning!
The weather started off fine, remained fine and got better! No wind, warm sun and great riding conditions saw the group head off the long way round Lorimer street to Mordy.
The Captain arrived at Club Young to meet Joey, The Mayor and KY and caught up with Stevie and Pauly in Mt.Road.
Around Port Melbourne to collect Supa and Piffy and we were off!
The eight were led by strong men Joe and Steve and a good clip of 34kmh was constant into Hampton.
Piff and The Mayor took over followed by The Captain and Pauly. The Captain's Spain training is helping but he couldn't maintain the close to 40kmh upfront so it was back to Joe and Pauly to keep the now fifty or so riders drafting off the Cnutters!
The Captain looked resplendent in his new white knicks and Wilier jersey, many a positive comment was heard!
With the team keeping together right up to the Mordy sprint, Piffy took off for the final sprint to the line!
KY shot off after him, only to derail his chain and bend his SRAM red chain ring!!! WTF!!! SRAM?? Never buy it!! Dangerous product!
Drinks at Mordy and a quick turn around by KY as he only had the small compact ring to get home on, saw him leave early to be caught up by the group by Mentone.
With the tetosterone pumping the Cnutters joined another group and the pace quickened to over 40kmh!
The Captain pulled out to be supported by Stevie and all arrived at The Velvet at about the same time for coffee and toast.
KY diverted to the Freedom Machine to see what could be done about the bent chainring. Their advice? Do not buy SRAM!
With the weather warming up, we said our goodbyes and headed off home, a great mornings ride in near perfect conditions!
3 votes. KY. Bending a chain ring! Even if it is SRAM, only the strongest of men can bend it!
2 votes. KY. For ordering a new SRAM chain ring then reading a forum review that suggests you don't buy it! WTF?
1 vote. The Captain. Okay, white knicks usually look bad but on The Captain, Fantastic!

Weekend 20-2-11

"KY attempting to hold things together at Ballarat"

There was some riding done this weekend in wet & windy conditions.

Pauly, Archie & Grinderman completed the Otway Odyssey. Pauly - "50km not as hard as 100 but still hurt. Rained all night but the trails were perfect. Windy as fxxk out there."

Some gems :

Archie - "Might be up for crash of the year again kids. 
I flew off the high side of a berm during one of the descents – right in front of a camera-woman.
She looked pretty happy with herself when I got back on. 
Props to Fletty and Pauly who punched out good times in trying conditions. Moreover for having the brains not to do the 100. 
+1 to taking mud tyres and switching onto them at the last minute.
+111 to getting the roadies out there. You’d love it. (Check the cycling tips blog:"

Pauly - "What happened on the weekend lads ? Ballarat ? Beach Rd ? Nesting ? 
Archie, Fletty and I took on the wilds of Forrest and the Otway Ranges.
Archie finished the 100km marathon in spectacular time and then collapsed in a sea of mud, pain and why did I do that thoughts.  
Fletty and I took the scenic route this year - 50km of pure joy.  
We camped in the Cnut tour bus on the edge of the trail and listened to it pour rain all night. Waking to think the race would be postponed or the track changed. Turns out that neither happened and the trails were perfect if not a little muddy in a few places.   
I reckon I'll be back on the 50 next year - at least I can walk today and at least I can make it without my legs cramping to the point of disability or praying to the cycling gods for a well placed mechanical. Lets see some of you roadies out there with us - there nothing better.  
Congratulations to Archie for finishing his 5th 100 Otway Odyssey in a row.    
Ps As we were sitting at the tour bus yelling encouragement to the late arrivals in pain and suffering, the bloke next us lit up a ciggy - his reward for finishing. I asked him what the fark ?  He just laughed and said he was disgusting.   

Brendo & Piffy were on home soil riding the Dandenongs getting saturated.

Wiz rode to Ocean Grove from Geelong in blizzard conditions on Saturday.

Wiz & Stevie braved the Corio Bay poo and completed the Geelong Olympic course triathlon. Evidently one of them thought the course was easy! Your call who it was?

Joe & his fast crew with KY, The Mayor & Ross had a dip at the Ballarat Cycle Classic :

Joe & the fast crew attempted to stay with the first group. After a lot of battling they finished in the 2nd group averaging 34 kmhr for the 100kms. A fair effort considering the conditions. KY, Ross and The Mayor let the crew go and enjoyed some strong tail wind through the farmlands. The Mayor was coughing up numerous oysters and scallops and was told by KY to turn at the 60km turn off as collapse was imminent. The Mayor didn't like this as he was hallucinating thinking he could do the 85 km  route. Some quality passed him and away he went, somehow surviving the 60km!   KY and Ross enjoyed the country surroundings until the turn back into the wind when it started raining. At the 65 km mark, for some reason KY took off and time trialled all the way back to Ballarat selfishly leaving Ross to bat for himself. Ross punctured twice and rode the last 5kms on the rim. Nice bloke that KY.

A ripper course and a few more needed next year. Hopefully not as wet and windy. (What's with those Pearl Izumi gloves Supa? KY's disintergrated in the rain!!)

The Captain was busted shoe shopping in Torquay with a posse of women while his mates were playing golf. WTF?? This was after he sprayed the Oakley shop on how their prices are double to anywhere else in the world. No ride for The Captain. Too wet!

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for the supply of cock sucking cowboys at the start of a 100km race! Also for starting with a near fatal flu.

2. Ross - for being so close to vomiting the cocksucking cowboy and for riding the last 5kms on the rim

2. Pauly, Archie & Grinderman for being feral in their natural habitat in Forrest.

1. KY - for leaving Ross behind - very ordinary

1. Joe - for the disbelief in his face that cocksucking cowboys were being southed before the ride


Weekend 13-2-11

"Don't mess with Sam on the hills"

KY did a couple of Great Ocean Road rides on the weekend in preparation for Ballarat in the coming week. The "rooted" word was used regularly by Ross as mountain biker, Sam, sorted us out on the hills.

From Paul Currie : Joe must deserve another vote for being so intimidated by last weeks sledging that he turned around at Riddels Creek so he would be home on time this week.

From Pinna : I had a puncture on my front and tried to fix it last night and couldn’t get the tyre back on so I’m gonna quit!

From Archie Jones:

1 – I got covered in mud at Woodend yesterday

2 – I got covered in mud at Woodend yesterday by myself because I’ve got no mates

3 – I sent Pinna some psychic mind control how-to messages on how to change a tube – while I was watching pr0n – so I hope he’s OK

4 – I got over the ego-glow of being a local blog hero, finally:


My hardly newsworthy 0.02


From Joe : 90k's to Riddles Creek on Sunday. Uneventful except for barely escaping Kelpie attack as I was flying down the hill at Wildwood. Locked up the rear & thought this is going to be extremely ugly so I roared at the mother fukstgfer & he retreated!

From Piffy :

Saturday: (Solo): Montrose/Olinda/Basin/Olinda/Montrose

Sunday: (With Brendo): Rode (down) Wall/Monbulk/Emerald then snapped gear cable just prior to Brendo's 17 percent *challenge*de*jour. Monstered back up the hill to Emerald then almost back to Monbulk before calling for roadside assistance/rescue (thanks Cath) Bike is recovering in the shop, currently receiving multi-cable transfusion Piff

3 votes Piffy - for purposely cutting the gear cable to avoid the hill

2 votes Archie Jones - no one rides with you because warp speed is too much for the rest of us!

2 votes Joe - for barking at dogs

1 vote Pinna - anything to stop riding



Weekend 6-2-11

The rain put an end to the Wildwood ride Saturday morning but a few did ride over the weekend. If Wizza pulls out on a Saturday ride it must be bad!

From The Mayor :


1 vote - Paulie gets at least a point for saying we overrated Feathertop ( 1st time up anyway!!). The Mayor and Pauly were spotted on the front lawn drinking The Mayor's new favourite beer - BROO!!



KY journeyed to the Keilor hills for the standard ride. Took on Feathertop a few times (The Yarra St of the Western suburbs). Can anyone let KY know why there are undies strewn all over McNabb's Road?


Others : Think Beach Road was used again on Sunday.


 2 votes - Joe did 140km and took on Macedon and tested his wife. From Paul Currie :

No pictures but Joe must deserve a couple of votes for his "couple of hours" ride that saw him arrive home to condemnation from the entire McShanag team. Whats 140km out and over Macedon going to take. A little more time than allowed I think.

I am fairly certain even the dog engaged in sledging of 1 exhausted cyclist upon his return. When the lunch guests arrived they also took up the cause. There was a distinct lack of bro lov for Joe on Sunday afternoon 



KY & Pauly went feral on the mtb's mid week. Pauly's fault - forgot to tell KY he can actually turn on the suspension before riding over logs and other obstacles. Seat nearly disappeared up the brown.



"Yeah, don't bother comparing rides. Beach Road or Great Ocean Road"

From Supa :
That was no "lazy ride to Carrum" averaging 29.5 and riding at over
40kph Wizza needed to slow up when the roadworks signs stated 40ks.
Therefore I recommend votes to:
3 -Dave for the lazy ride call...NOT!
2 -Russman to toughen up or as the gorgeous girls commented "just deal
with it"
1 -Joe for not riding with the team and then leaving his fellow rider
to catch up and without a coffee.

Great to be out on the bike again with you guys!

From The Corbett :

2 rides this weekend and absolutely rooted. Saturday - 2 hours of MTG madness at the back of Templestowe. Chased loons doing Specialized test riding. Told them too expensive and over rated. Unless they would do a straight swap to the Cannondale the could cram it. Sunday - Fat man ride to Mordi and back with no stops (113 kms). Poons everywhere and drafted clowns in 'The Pack' kit. Ride back alone into headwind. Crying like a baby.

From KY :

Enjoyed the delights of The Great Ocean Road both days. Hard and hot - Ross suffered but got there. Swim and Boag's Ice cooled things down.

22-1-11 Weekend

"Brikos, nothing better. You can keep you Rudys & Oakleys"

A quick Mordy trip - The Mayor, The Captain, KY, Joe, Piffy, Brendonovitch & new bloke.

Votes :

3. Joe - for high testoserone

2. The Mayor - for turning, very very early

1. The Captain - for the worldly knowledge on what people want to be.

The Corbett did the new ride known as "Fat Man's Ride - 102 km ride from East Doncaster to somewhere


Rooted 2011 @ The TDU

"Macka - Would you believe he now loves the hills? Still did it tough but he is going well on his Colnago, with carbon wheels"

From KY :

Well, I have returned from Adelaide beaten, but not cracked! Pinna is still over there getting smashed on and off the bike.


I am sure Ryno will put together a report but briefly this is what occurred on the first 3 days :


Saturday – Crack a Vic loop, 105kms, 33 degree heat, 21 per cent hills, something called a corkscrew, “pro look” opening of jerseys, European climbing of hills with no helmet, 6 cramp stop tablets, Vics weren’t cracked  but the head rooter, Ryno, destroyed himself! Also caught up with the BMC boys. Ballan was so happy to be riding something other than a Wilier.

Sunday – paired time trial to Norton Summit. On handicap 2 Vics won! Rob from Jones Cycles in Frankston and myself took the glory (we started second !!) Back into town to give Pinna a serve (he was somehow in a promotional car) and also to tell Cavendish about on what side of the field he plays.

Monday – pleasant ride to winery for lunch. This is where I left the crew. Most were half cut and not sure how they got home.


Pinna and myself sorted out Ryno by having a beer at every stop. The Southwark finished him off! He was a mess when I left him!


For some photos of the 1st few days (Pinna has more to come) check out the photo gallery and load up the slideshow.


We all must do it next year. The SA’s were strong but need to be taught the nutritional value of beer while riding.


Weekend January 8 & 9

"Brendo - still wearing the see through shorts? Narelle promised to thow them out!"

Those that ventured out :

Piffy & Brendo did some hills around Gembrook

Stevie took on the wind to Mordy.

KY hammered himself into submission around the Boulevard taking on Yarra Street and the school hill numerous times. He also ventured to Keilor on Sunday to prepare for the "Crack a Vic" ride in Adelaide next week.

The Mayor has been riding all week around the West Coast with the highlight a 70 year old passing him on the Benwerrin Hill. Some comments from The Mayor :

Lorne Lick and Sip cafe. Main at just after roundabout. Rated-high. Coffee strong. Muffin warmed and yummy.8 out of 10 and one more for the spunky chic who served me. Lost a point as some bloke bought the coffee out.. Mayor to have words"

"Turn at first roundabout at Lorne he says!! It's an easy climb for 10 Kms he says.... After being overtaken by a 70 year old twice I think!! 

A 12 year old once, I made it!! 45 flaming minutes and the poon who took this photo(good bloke actually) said they do it in 24-25 minutes.... One WORD... Pricks!!!"



Votes :

3 - The Mayor - for smiling on top of a hill instead of stomping ants

2 - Brendo - for the knicks

1 - KY - for finally realising he hates hills


Also discovered Archie did this with Andy from fyxomatosis:


Christmas Rides

"Yep - It was going to be wet!"

27-12-10 KY, Pauly & Brendo - a few Victorians once again overrated their own abilities by riding along the Great Ocean Road through the Otways around 90kms all up. After eating 3kgs of turkey skin, the probability of cracking a Vic is high. The average after was less than 25kms an hour! The unintelligence continued as one rider, myself, decided gloves and winter gear was not required. It would have been 5 degrees on top of the mountain and riding down Pauly was turning blue in the teaming rain. Pauly was hallucinating as he claimed to see Cadel Evans.(It is a training ride of his though)  3 votes - Brendo (for doing 9.5km up a 10km hill and turning), 2 votes - Pauly (for hallucinating), 1 vote - KY (for the summer gear in winter weather)

30/12 Russ kev t rob & Joe 100k carrum dash

3 Russ wheel sucking supreme

2 rob for starting a sprint of madness along beach road which hurt everyone

1 keV for attempting to respond to aforementioned sprint


31/12 last Cnut ride for 2010

Stevie Russ piña Rob keV t & Joe

3 Stevie for attempting to control the pace & then telling us were doing it all wrong!

2 tossa who sat on the back & then attacked on beach road only to be spat out

1 Russ too much time @ the front & very red face @ ideals cafe


2/1 KY Mtb ride

Got over all logs. Absolutely crapped myself. Failed to get through a rocky section - what's with the pedals and rocks? No stacks but 2 nearlies. Speed,brakes off and no pedaling over logs - who would have thought? 

Weekend 18-12-10

18th December, the last ride before Christmas.
A morning better spent in bed as the weather was just starting to turn when the hard men left Club Young.
The Captain, Wizza and KY started off towards Port Melbourne with a slight drizzle just starting to happen. An uneventful trip to pick up new Daddy Supa (both Bec and boys are doing well), then another stop at Luna Park to pick up Apollo Creed and his riding mates.
The tail wind was strong and a good clip towards Mordy was being made when the rain became a little heavier.
The call was made for a turn back to the cafe at Black Rock to avoid the fast approaching rain storm but on KY and Wizza's call, the group soldiered on to Mordy at approx. 40kmh!
At Mordy, it was discovered that Apollo Creed had turned at Black Rock, possibly to avoid getting his Apollo dirty, but probably more due to common sense as the rain hit with a vengence!
The ride with strong men Wizza and KY out the front with The Captain and Supa following in the draft confronted the 50kmh headwind and drenching rain. The pace slowed to a hard 25kmh with Wizza screaming at his God "Is this the best you can do? BRING IT ON! More rain !!" Dickhead.
With Wizz being unable to re cleat easily, due to the soaking, relentless rain, he moved his seatpost, so a stop at The Freedom Machine in Port Melbourne was in order where the bike was adjusted and Wiz caught sight of the $3000 carbon Zipp wheels! Soon to be on the glorious Wilier time trial bike I'm sure!
Soaking, dripping wet, a large coffee was had at the Velvet as well as the obligatory apricot toast.
Back into wet gloves and helmets the ride home was cold, cold and cold. And wet. And stupid. We should have been in bed.
Next time the Captain will listen to his head and his weather radar app on his iPad which told him RAIN was a comin'! No Wizza, riding in drenching rain is not character building and no KY, it is NOT fun!
Merry Christmas to all C-Nutters, ride safe and be happy.
3. Wizza. For stating that riding soaking wet is "character building" then sooky la la's from Port Melbourne to home about being cold! Well duh!
2. KY. You don't HAVE to go to Mordy, you can turn at Black Rock if the weather is crap. It is possible.
1. Apollo Creed. We waited for him, he shot past, he disappeared. Not seen again that day. Poor form Cavendish!

Dandenongs 11-12-10

"Opening day for the Brikos"

3 hills conquered - not without a lot of complaining

Votes :

3. Brendo - for the see through "Pool Gel" shorts - check photos for some ugly crack action

2. Pinna aka Jaffa - for causing the crash at the cafe bringing Piffy down

1. Pauly - for comparing The Wall to a statement from a Tarantino movie - a "cock sucker" of a hill

Week ending 5-12-10

"Russ had it all - the pain of the hill, Wally Grout and.........a bull ant bite. A very tough man"

Saturday -

The Mayor, KY, Pauly and The Captain visited Club Wizza for a lazy ride to Woodend through the hills of Macedon. All good into a strong head wind until the Mt Macedon hill where the following occurred :

- Wizza took off and was last seen zig zagging up the 13 per cent section probably due to his time trial gearing. Finished off the hill losing a few kilos by squatting in the bush!

- The Captain had to get off his bike when his heart rate went to 210 bpm. Was looking for a ute for a lift, none came, so he decided to get back on and finish the climb

- The Mayor talked himself by using certain expletives into riding the whole way. The poor man rode with Wally Grout and lost the plot after a bull ant bit him. Evidently he is going to Mortein the whole of Macedon Forest.

- Pauly's 2nd lung is now back in action and finished with relative ease

- KY's 1st attempt on Mt Macedon on the Gellie discovering only at the bottom he was riding at 65 kmh with a loose headstem!

Coffee at Woodend followed by 32 kms at an average of 36kmh!!! WTF? Finished with Coronas at Club Wizza.

Joe took on Gerro down Beach Road and evidently had his measure! - Just ask Joe! (see photo)

Pinna (aka Jaffa) - took his bronzed skin to Adelaide. Last bit of communication was that he was preparing for a ride with Ryno, by southing many a West End lager late at night in what he calls "Radelaide".

Piffy and Brendo did the hills on home soil - Brendo & I had a great ride up Olinda. The "vitch" has finally got over his 3 month cold, clocking a respectable 24:40 up 1/20. (Piff: 26:30, consistency is the key)

Votes :

3 votes : The Mayor - for his assault on Mt Macedon, and for his assualt on the bull ant that bit him.

2 votes : The Captain - for the continuous expletives of why he didn't want to ride, and then actually having a dip and making it!

1 vote : Wizza - for getting back to nature on top of Mt Macedon. The place won't be the same! (see photos)



Week ending 28-11-10

Nomination : Stack of the Year

From Pauly & Jason A at Forrest in the Otways:

Jeep 24hr. 

6 man team reduced to four 

We arrived in the rain and we left in the rain. What a weekend - mud, sweat and blood.  Did some great riding, too much bike washing, not enough sleeping and lots of laughing. Had two newbie's with us from the Archers workplace - Nick and Stotty (commuter cup racers both) who performed like old pros and could not stop grinning. 


Hopefully some pics coming through from one of the other blokes.



Wiz & Supa rode to Mordy - evidently no rain! Don't believe it!



Votes :


3. Pauly & Jason A - for the character building weekend

2. Wiz - for riding on Saturday morning and telling The Captain that is lucky they hold operas indoors.

1. Supa - for trashing the newly renovated Biancha, sorry Bianchi


Week ending November 21

"Yep - it was slow going at 12 per cent!"

Saturday - The Mayor, Pauly, Jason E & KY took on the Wildwood loop. Too many trucks, too many lungs coughed up and too many explosions. Pauly & The mayor rode with lung infections, KY for once had a good night's sleep and Jason had come from 2 weeks of 14 hour days. The speed was not quick (except when The Mayor could sniff home - the rest were crushed!) but it was a highly enjoyable ride in perfect conditions. Finished with some all quality cafe experience in Essendon at The Village Bakery.

3 votes - The Mayor for destroying us all to get back to.....the doctors to discover he has a lung infection.

2 votes - Pauly for the amount of innerds left of the Wildwood hills, also for farting & burping at the cafe.

1 vote - Jason for the explosion in Strathmore, also for a speedo thing with more power than your average laptop computer and telling the others what degree the hills were as we were climbing them

 From Pina Sunday ride:

"There is always a silver lining……


Suited up for a quickie ride down to Beach Road, only made it to Lombard’s on Mount Rd and the rear cassette on the Pinarello died…. I was pedaling and going nowhere!!! I tried my luck with getting on a tram but it was either the lycra or the bike that got me banned? Anyways, I arranged a pick up by the “Sundry German” so I started the trek up the hill to the Laurel, I was gonna get a beer but I thought the lycra and the bike might get me bashed so I sat out the front of Dan Murphy’s to wait for the German.


Here’s the silver lining….. An absolute stunner complete with old skool step through single speed, daisy dukes, high heels, amazing legs, a red World Champs Campag cap and a bag full of green ginger wine trundles out of Dan’s car park. As she passes me she shrugs her shoulders and says “Au revoir”. In my best French I mutter a “fuck-off”, smile and wave politely! I then watch as she rides off down Mt Rd. Minutes later there she is standing in front of me to make sure I wasn’t hurt or if I needed any help. I suggested she could dinky me up the street but then realized that might be a bit difficult trying to balance the Pina as well. To cut a long story short, she pulls her business card out and says I should call her some timeJ


The moral of the story; If you’re ever having a bad day just think about how lucky I am and it might make your day better or even worse?



3.       Pinna for being a lucky bastard

2.       The cute chick for being bold

1.       The “Booker” seat on her bike….. need I explain why?


From Joe in the Otways :



Ben (future c-nut in training) & I rode from Cumberland River to Wye River on Sunday morning in perfrect conditions. Setting off around 7.45am after a latish night around the camp fire (can still smell it) with a couple of blokes from site next door. Ben had ditched us & joined the young Germans backpackers (Hans & Helga, Dirk & Freeda) who had a guitar & were infinitely more interesting than us! The climb out of Cumberland was tough on the little bloke who required a bit of a push. Awesome morning & the view took Ben's mind off the 15km's. Cafe for nourishment (coffee & a milkshake) before return which twas a bit more interesting with some traffic to contend with. Stopped at a shipwreck to split the return trip & then raced the last last 2kms back down to Cumberland for a swim. Good spot for a future C-nut outing.


Rides week ending 14-11-10

Thursday - The Captain & KY rode around the Boulevard. The steel Norco came out to play and destroyed KY's pins.

Friday - Goat night. KY and Pina the only riders taking on the Melbourne Weather. Photos tell all and it was mayhem at the Goat. Free pizza, pants down, fake tattoos and plenty of amber filth. Pina and KY rode through the city and were welcomed into many a bar in shorts, soaking wet and nearly legless. KY went down in the laneway of the Croft Institute due to one too many test tubes. 3am finish!

Saturday - Stevie "While most of you were sleeping off hangovers from a long evening at The Goat, the morning presented itself as overcast and warm with a prediction by the Bureau of 50% chance of rain. So at 6:25am I clipped in and headed off for Kinglake hoping that even if it did rain, it would be in short bursts. Within 10 minutes the first drops of rain started and it got heavier all the way through to Wild Dog Creek Rd when the rain kinda stopped to be replaced by cloud that was more like riding through dense fog. By the time I reached the IGA at Kinglake there was not a square cm of clothing that was dry, and strangely enough I hadn't seen any other cyclists. Re-charged the water and banana's and with the aim of staying as warm as possible headed of 10 minutes later. Just as I headed past the Kinglake Recovery Centre a large group of 20-25 riders were making their way up the mountain proving that I was not the only loonie riding in this weather. It was a slow and careful trip down the mountain due to the limited visibility and very very wet roads, at times there were streams of water running across the road and some corners featured rocks on the road - fabulous! It was a relief to finish the descent because it meant I could start warming up and the trip past the St Andrews market - no temptation to stop and hang out with the always happy hippies - was the first decent climb requiring the blood to start pumping through the veins again. This was also where I noticed that the oil on the chain had completely washed off, the only lubricant being the dirt and water from the road. Thankfully arrived home after 4 hours, 15 minutes and 115km of riding through conditions that should only be ridden under race conditions, and very happy to have survived with no agro from the many cars on the road and in awe of the staying power of the Vittoria Rubino's. Hope all you blokes had a pleasant morning under the covers."

Sunday - Pina and still struggling KY again went to the Boulevard while Wiz was in form at the half ironman. In his words :

"race report shep half :when I left Sunbury sat it was raining and cold got to shep it was 30C and steamy and no rain booked a room at the Victoria hotel in Tatura for $30.00 it was worse than any room I have ever stayed in on any footy trip no toilet no TV single bed and a free standing fan to take some of the heat out of the room but a sink so I didn't have to go outside during the night to take a I couldn't spend much time in the room I spent sat night watch a horse show at the Tatura footy oval with all the cowboys and betting on the Melton trots at the pub and I am not sure who were the funnier crew.anyway the alarm went of a 5am so off the shepp I brought a bike cover to cover the beast over night which worked well I poured off a lot of water but at least my bike was dry. perfect conditions    no sun  not hot but best of all very still not one breath of wind if I was ever going to break 5 hr30mi it was going to be today. Swim was in the lake   very brown but no tides and no chop   so it was going conditions   the 50-54 as per normal started last so everyone else had gone when the gun went off it was 1 1/2 laps of the lake   felt good   no kicks in the face and even thou I am a shit swimmer I did 38m43sec which I wasn't too unhappy about and I didn't feel stuffed after the swim. This was the first time the beast was going out in anger   and like George said in Seinfeld    "the sea was angry that day "  well the bike was angry. did the first lap in about 53mins sitting easily on 35kms/hr felt good so I stepped it up did the next lap in 52mins doing the last lap in 55mins total 2hr 40min  my time in gelling was 2hrs 54mins  so I took 14 mins off that time   I was very happy and still felt ok for the run

last year did the 21kms in 1hr 58 yesterday did 1hr 52min   and I was stuffed at the end  but I was trying to break 5 hrs 30mns  I crossed the line in 5hr 11mins 51 sec 25 mins faster than Geelong I was rapt ran 13th in my age group so all in all a great day thanks to the cunts for all they help in towing me back to stkilda over the years I couldn't have done it without you guys"


Votes :


3. Wizza - for the performance

2. Stevie - for being madder than those at The Goat

1. Pina - for more front than Myers


Rides week ending November 7

Pauly with night vision Yarra Street Thursday night

Tuesday - The Mayor, KY & Pauly got washed out on The Boulevard. The TFM guys were left hovering under the bridge!!

Thursday - Pauly & KY tested their high beams on The Boulevard and did it hard! KY rode to Pauly's European style with no helmet without realising! Clueless! Also got lost trying the "Captain" shortcut on the top of Yarra Street adding a few more kilometres in darkness.

Friday - Joe did the Boulevard, probably at warp speed on the Prince.

Saturday - Brendo, Jason E & Piffy were the hometown heroes in Dandenong. KY and the Captain did a short one to Black Rock and ended up eating strudel at Pelegrinis. KY blew a tyre very early, walked back to Club Young only to find it was stuffed. Lucky the bike shop in his garage was stocked with another wheel ready to go. He also found out his seat was loose at 42 kmh on Beach Road and was nearly bucked off when it jammed up his poo hole!!! The standard 'rebel yell' was given as Stevie & Michelle's place was passed on the way home.

Sunday - The Corbett got muddy at Lysterfield, unlike his beloved 'pretty boy' Hawks. Not sure if the bike was thrown this time. Pauly also ventured out there to be in his natural habitat.

Others - not sure

3 votes - KY, for the above.

2 votes - The Corbett, for mtb riding in mud, with no socks.

Week ending October 31

KY road 30kms through the Otway bush on the old Norco steelie. Evidently there was a light shade of brown in his shorts after attempting some single track way out of his league!

Wiz did Noosa again but no improvement in time. Must be the long distance training for the full ironman slowing him down. He also rode mid week. Comments from The Mayor - "Swooped by Magpie and had bandages on his elbow and knee- Bark off from a spill in Shepparton-- kept it low key but I thinks he may be now leading the stack of the year award!!!"

Others? - Pauly with the return of Pina and The Captain did the Boulevard on Wednesday night. This is going to be a regular thing so that a little winter girth can be removed. Evidently finished with some amber fluid at Brunswick HQ. The Captain and The Mayor also ventured out to Keilor Thursday afternoon in magical weather. Wished we all had our own businesses!

Stevie - "Hid from the rain all weekend and focused on red wine appreciation. Rode to Kinglake Monday morning and whilst there was no water from above, there was plenty of it running across the road from Eltham to Kinglake. The whole area is looking very green although the blackened trees still dominate. Coffee at Kinglake is still ordinary but a welcome smile and friendly greeting help make it passable. Bloody cold up the top too I might add. There were a dozen or so others out on the road with very few cars and the occasional truck on the wrong side of the road  >:o"

Good to see The Captain and Pina back in action.

3 votes for Wiz this week for the stack.

2 votes Stevie - someone's gotta be serious

1 vote The Captain & Pina - for waiting this long for the weather to get better before riding.

Weekend 24-10-10

KY got silly in the Otways

Piffy did the Warburton on his gold beast.

Stevie, Rob, Paul & Joe did the Mordi thing - fast

Supa - "Rode to Arthurs Seat on Sat afternoon and back via Flinders….lovely… 
Went to ride it the opposite way on Sunday morning got 25k’s out and snapped my chain….. 
Called the wife, got her out of bed to come pick me up….heaven!!"

3 votes - Supa for the obvious

2 votes - KY for overestimating his own ability and paying for it

1 votes - Stevie & Joe for loving each other post football season

Rutherglen 17-10-10

Highlight/lowlights - your call

Rain, cold weather, cold beer, feral netballers, parma's, southing champagne from a height, bad snooker, good snooker, Abba, Justin Beiber, women from Pulp Fiction, potential new Team Cnut members, fixies ridden by hard men, stuff up by Tulleries, Bobbie Burns, 90 year old muscat, Corbett not happy, more muscat, Kasey Chambers is soft, riding through flooded roads, fake tattoos, bbq at Cofields with good wine, bike trail, discussions with Billy Chambers on his dislike for music, traditional walnut red shooters, Poachers for some cleansing filth, gambling on dodgy horses, extended time at pub meant late for dinner for some, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, The Vic meal, arm wrestling locals at Poachers, more beer at The Vic, Black Dog "Under Management"??, Black Dog service, sleep in car.

Thanks Wendy  for once agian organising  a great weekend.

Votes for CNUT's :

3 - The Mayor - for his love of wine & hatred of gout

2 - The Corbett - for not turning up to the dinner, again

1 - Pauly & Piffy - for the love of it. 


Weekend 10-10-10

"Scotty found the replacement for his lost Pearl Izumi socks"

Saturday - Pauly, Wiz, Scotty, KY and Supa all ventured down to Mordialloc in perfect conditions. Scotty and Wiz joined the fast group after Black Rock while Pauly, KY and Supa couldn't hold the pace. An easy ride back to Europa for some entertainment. See photos for the new tattoo arm warmers which received many a comment. "Did you see that guy's tatts? No they were sleeves!"

Sunday - KY, Joe and Kev rode to Mordy, After finally getting past the marathon Joe and Kev led all the way to Mordy. On the way back we somehow joined a fast group doing a 'Macka' style 45 kmh. Joe worked his way to the front while Kev and KY held on for dear life.

Stevie doing the marathon - "confirmed that I still can't get under 3:15 although it was 3 seconds faster than Gold Coast. 1st beer in 7 days after the race went down very well. Can barely walk!"

Votes :

3 - Wiz - for the line "Do you play volleyball?" to the quality Polish at Europa

2 - Joe - for believing we could get past the marathon easily.

1 - Scotty - for the payouts in regards to on line purchasing and for questioning the jam in the polish donuts.


Weekend 3-10-10

Pauly shopping - "fixie style"

From Joe in his home town - 200,000 viewers & biggest sportong crowd catland has ever seen. Superb weather & excellent competition  from u23s to women & then elite men another level altogether. Everyone  routing for cadel which switched to davis when eve yone realised he had done nothing & was fresh. The viking thor stole the silverware. Rides with degrandi crew were sensational & we nearly lost supa out the back of bells. Uci now packed & gone...


From Wiz doing the half ironman in Queensland -

Did 5  hrs 39 in geelong did 5 hrs 29 today so getting closer and for 5 hrs 29 it never stopped raining it poured.


From Piffy :

ride report Sat 2 Oct

 A beautiful morning for a ride. Vista & Piff met up at Port Melbourne for a somewhat chilly start, soon forgotten as the pace picked up. Gentle breeze, hardly anyone on the road. We managed reasonable pace into a light headwind on the way back from Mordi, ending up at Velvet nice & early.

Shame the rest of the day was messed up by Collingwood


3 Vista - for instisting on fruit toast after being given the option for plain.

2 The female jogger in the white singlet

1 Piff - because I need the points


KY & Pauly :

Ventured into the city with 25,999 others for the start of the men's elite on Sunday. Plenty of lycra, dodgy scambled eggs, multiple coffees, big screen, quality Amy Gillet fund woman and finished with a couple of beers at Brunswick HQ.


Grand Final Day 25-9-10

Beach Road to Mordi

Present: Pauly, Archie, Piff, Supa, New Bloke (Peter?) & Joe
3. Jason Ellis - ready for ride at Club Young but no one else left from there! Thinking he was late because Jason is Jason.
2. Archie - Boisterous riding & unnecessary quantum of pancakes (see photo of the week)
1. Pauly - brave effort on 25% lung capacity
new bloke has to do more than rock up with new bike to earn votes!

Weekend 12-9-10

"Wrong Way" McNabb - 6:40am

From The Captain 11-9-10 :

The mornings are getting lighter and the temperature creeping up. The Captain arrived at The Mayor's house at 6.30 and the two set off to meet Pauly at the bike path.
Riding past the Moonee Valley racecourse The Mayor noticed two large lumps at the front of his knicks. He had put them on back to front with the chamois at the front. What to do? I know!
Get totally undressed in a suburban street and turn them round!
Thankfully the camera was at hand and evidence is recorded in the photos. Three votes, done!
Picking up the skeletal Pauly, the three set off to Port Melbourne and once there picked up Supa, Piffy, The Corbett and friend Marky Mark. Black Rock was the call and the seven headed off.
 A steady 30 km/h was comfortable, but not for the skinny Pauly. With shouts of Youll be sorry, he ignored the group and took a 700 metre lead. Turning at the roundabout at the Black Rock tower, the headwind took it's toll and the ever diminishing Pauly was caught up, coughing up what little lung he has left.
Nurtured back to The Velvet by The Corbett, good coffee and fruit toast was enjoyed by all. A gentle ride home and goodbyes were said as many will not be riding for at least three weeks due to Daddy daycare duties and interstate and international travel.
The girth contest will start at the end of October with many plans discussed for Team Cnut wine and cheese night as well as the next Tour de lager.
A good mornings ride.
3. The Mayor. Nuding up in McNae street!
2. Pauly. You are not ready to break away from the pack yet. Get stronger first.
1. Supa. For being, well, Supa. And for baby comments.

Sunday : Stevie and KY rode to Mordy thinking it was easy until the return. The wind was up putting Ky into the red zone. However, both riders could hold their head high as they drove a small bunch including some quality from the front (not all the way but a fair amount of the way). Coffee at a place with "Honey" in it's name but no food. KY was feeling crook after the effort into the wind. Wiz did the Degani ride, non stop, no fruit cake, with the Wilier timer trial bike clocking some high speeds.

Weekend 4-9-10

KY was in Rutherglen but way too wet - is flooding an excuse. He did attend a party - absolute madness!

 Joe - Got out the front door to meet Rob & Kev. @ 6.30am hoping like hell that someone was going to call it "too wet". Rob (Collingwood supporter) wanted to talk about the footy & I'm sure this was the only reason he arrived. Rain was present & iphone weather maps were showing lots more to come ... so we got as far as the coffee shop, had a coffee & retreated home to bed. Feeling guilty around 9 so went for a run & got drenched but happy to have stretched the legs & to still have a clean bike. Conditions this morning were far better for the Keilor hills run.

Stevie (did it without the bike) - The Sunday ride did not happen as the Saturday run was deferred to Sunday morning; a leisurely 30km plod around the city on the Capital City Trail. Very spectacular with all the water flowing down the rivers, the path at Dights Falls was flooded although only 1-2cm under, and the Merri Creek trail was impassable as there was 30-40cm of fast flowing water over the bridges. Looking forward to the Cats Vs Freo game and another demonstration of excellent umpiring that favours neither team. The whining from the Cattery is hilarious and will be quickly recalled for years to come....


Weekend 28-8-10

Pauly, Wiz and KY took on Mordy for Pauly's comeback ride while Joe & others got saturated doing Kinglake.

A cold and little wet morning for the new 'skinny' Pauly's comeback. He made it to Black Rock and back and gutsed it out while Wiz and KY did the Mordy thing. It seemed to be quick on the road back and it must have been a good speed as Eurpoa was not open. It was a total of 7 coffees and 3 slices of toast with almond butter at some up market cafe in Acland Street. Almond butter? Not rated. Looks like Pauly is on the way back and with his new lightweight frame so he could be dangerous.

Votes :

3 - Pauly, a great effort, he put other non starters to shame. Coughed up more than a dozen oysters but will only get better from here.

3 - Joe, for the early call of 70kms at Kinglake, changing his mind to 120kms, then only doing 80kms because of saturation.

2 - Wiz, for being "Mr Likable", especially to the American female rider who was quite tidy.

1 - KY, for just being KY. Seems like he just gets votes for turning up, riding & drinking coffee.



Mordy 21-8-10

A cold crisp morning met the hard men of Team Cnut, The Captain, Wiz and KY. The rest are all soft phallus'.
The Captain was nervous as he was following the two strong men but kept up to Mordy with the strong tailwind. The turn towards St. Kilda was a different story as the ridiculous headwind brought The Captain back to reality as his average speed dropped back to 18kmh. Still the two team members kept The Captain protected and kept him in the fold back to Europa and donuts.
An interesting debate at the cafe ranging from lesbianism to Judaism had the three in deep discussion. Moving on towards home had Wiz out front when a comment from The Captain could have been misconstrued as anti Semitic causing a moment of embarrassment as he was riding with some Maccabee riders, but all was ok.
A hard ride (for the Captain anyway) back to Essendon finished a good mornings ride.
3 votes: Wiz. For his motivating talks to the Captain to "try harder and listen to that little voice in your head that will push you harder! " Er, no Wiz. I should listen to the little voice that says : "Turn at Black Rock! "
2 votes: The Captain. Foreskin comments. Nuff said.
1 vote: KY. For being, well, Youngy.

Weekend 14th & 15th August

Opening weekend for Joe and his new Pinarello (he trashed it on Sunday) :

Joe - Italy July 2010


From The Mayor :Wizza will need to put his notes in but I think It went a little like this...........doggy poo-litzer. Friday Night Stevie doing 6am run to Mt Martha. Magpies thrashing Bombers. I receive  a 10pm text.... Might ride with Wizza and I.......... 6.30am another Text- Too hung over after celebrating. 3 Votes Saturday a.m. started with Wiz rocking up to the greatest street in the world and standing in Dog shit as he started to prepare his mount. Not just a little dog shit, the biggest turtle bog from a dog one had ever seen. Both feet, extremely sticky and pungent. I couldn't stop giggling until he used my tap to clean his runners. We took off with the wind behind us to Docklands where I received a flat tyre. That fixed , Wizzas Seat cracked a wobbly and dropped down at the front, didn't look too comfortable. Rocked into Cafe Racer to get my tyre a little more air but their shite pump was broken and took all the air out of mine. Never going there again! Couple of poons thought I was a dipshit so I asked them to pump my tyre. They failed. Who's the dipshit now I thought! I manually pumped it again. An hour had passed, wondered if we'd make it to Mordy.Wizza with a bike seat implanted at a rough angle and I made it to Brighton Bike shop  where their pump worked!!  Wizz fixed his seat. We left the bloke  a tip and raced off with the wind behind us to Mordy.Magnificent ride,  we were grinning from ear to ear and solving all of lifes mysteries. The turn at Mordy confronted us with a fair head wind!. Wizza kept blasting thru it with me in tow until Black Rock where he had to keep stopping and waiting for me. Slow not SOFT people!! Made it to Verve Cafe  for Apricot Toast just for Vista. Sent him a photo of it. Totally spent when arrived home!  Great ride!

 Votes 3 for Stevie. Soft Collingwood supporter

2 votes Wizza for finding the largest Dog poo in the world and standing in it

1 vote I will take for whinging about Cafe Racer a little too much

From Joe : Kinglake return on Sunday morn. 6am depart with Rob, Kev T & Paul. Started to rain as we started the climb. Temp dropped as we rose, only thing that kept us warm was the acent. Coffee & donuts as bakery were a saviour but the wet cold descent took it's toll, on me at least who clearly failed to drink & eat (for Stevie lack of nutrition & hydration) & got myself to a state of bonksville by Eltham which made the last 40k's tough. Rained all the way home & new bici is a mess but goes well. Engine was fine for the way up but felt like it was running on 2 cylinders on the way home. Paul was exorcising demon's & clearly had an axe to grind. Never fun chasing when you're farked. Preston 7-11 was too late to refuel but the Mars bar & Gatorade got me home. Love that ride. Shit conditions. .

3 votes to Joe for trashing his new five figure machine (not sure what he paid for it though!!)

From KY : Great Ocean Road Sunday morning with Ross - got absolutely saturated. Waterfalls, rocks, pot holes, oil spills, mud across road, sand across road but saved by the coffee and apple crumble in Lorne. Only saw 3 other riders braving the conditions. Evidently KY loved it!

3 votes for KY and Ross for being one of the 5 hardmen of the western coast.

From Piffy at the snowfield with his mate Warren Miller : Skiing was fantastic. Don't rate riding anymore.

Supa from Queensland : Rode some great waves over the weekend….will send some pics….and report during the week….





Mordy 7-8-10

The hill was avoided........

Small crew for Saturday morning. The Mayor, KY, Stevie, return of Brendo & a "white" Piffy for the ride to Mordi.

A relaxed ride. Stevie continued while Piffy was miles behind - due to the lengthy celebrations of the Blues polaxing the Bombers and riding someone's dodgy mtb.

As we were freezin' taking in some Polish Wiz called from The Gold Coast - it was 22 degrees.

Votes :

3. Piffy - for being the hardest rider in our bunch, turning up half cut, in someone else's clothes (bright yellow top), on someone else's bike, dropping back many a kilometre and finishing with the whitest face ever seen.

2. Brendo - for giving it to the Bianchi rider, not once, but twice for attempting to give Brendo advice. Bianchi boy - KY was also following, a good suggestion is when you are tired, drop out of the bunch instead of creating gaps and BEING ALL OVER THE Fxxxxx ROAD!!! Very dangerous, you looked the goods though and maybe that's your thing!!!

1. The Mayor - for hanging on, asking a female if she wanted assistance with her flat tyre (kiss of death), wearing 'shortie' gloves on the coldest morning of the year and  for generally being in a rush the whole ride.

The Boule' 31-7-10

"Mr Negative"

Wiz, Joe, Kev, KY, The Captain and Piffy all met up for a ride around The Boulevard while others slept it, attended to their wives or preferred to watch the morning Disney show. Opening day of the new caps and poons we were. Some did all this hills, others did not and others felt crook, tired from the week of corporate crap. Finished off the day in Lygon Street with some french quality, and the toasted baguette was good as well.

Votes :

3. Wiz - for all things negative including The Boulevard, opera, orchestral music, Geelong bike stores, toasted baguettes or toasted 'cardboard', Lygon Street in general and anything else that was said.

2. The Captain - for trying to convince us he is not a bogan by ranting on about how good the opera and philharmonic concerts are. Bravo bravo!!! However, does an art loving person with culture watch porn on an ipad while eating dinner - and get excited while discussing it?

1. Joe - for the Eurpean costume that matched perfectly with the retro Apollo which was resurrected.


Whatever 24-7-10

Wiz rode from Melbourne to Torquay via De Grandi.

KY did the Great Ocean Road each day in perfect conditions (doesn't get any better). Punctured on Sunday, left sunnies in the long grass and had to drive back to get em!

The Mayor was in Chicago, call was received by KY, The Mayor was incoherent!!!!!!!

Joe was doing this WITH SHINGLES - what a hard man!!!!

Supa somewhere in Europe :

"Just came in following a ride around the cobblestone roadways of Riga Latvia…. 

Luckily I rented a mountain bike with fat tires and a nice cushioned saddle, although the terrain is flat the cobblestones are rough as guts and all roads are made of them….some nice pathways around the many parks…. 

Going for a massage as have such a sore neck from looking at all these gorgeous women here…

I am serious!!!!

Mix Italian, French, German with Swedish and Russian and you get WOW!!!

And yes its summer and nudity (mostly topless) is in…especially in the parks. 

Sorry KY no pictures! 

Wizz not many homos here for you…. 

See you all next Saturday….weather permitting."

Others - probably nothing!!

Pauly still crook.

Cape Schank 17-7-10

Wiz, The Captain, KY and Pina all took the journey to the Temple of Supa in Cape Schank.

Festivities included Tour De France, dodgy traditional sausages, meeting the Kangaroos coach at Nando's Rosebud, riding to Arthur's Seat via the rear entry, Wizza's virgin Wilier time trial bike ride, The Captain getting to 17kmh down Supa's corridor, Supa's announcement, unhappy staff at sorrento pub/cafe, poons doing around the bay on expensive bikes and there is other stuff that can't be mentioned. What can I say - Supa's place is the place to be!!!

Votes :

3. Supa - for the use of the Temple and the announcement

2. Wiz - for that bike. What a machine!!

1. The Captain - for the indoor riding activities.


Mordy 10-7-10

Participants : The Captain, Joe, Supa, Piffy, The Mayor, KY & Wiz

Two Words : Fuckin' windy

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for finally bringing out "R Allcock"

2. The Captain - for cooking himself in the Wilier gear - but as he said "Gee I look good!!!"

1. Joe - for the hidden knob. Is it still there?


Tour De Lager 3-7-10

Report from Piffy :


This Year’s Starters: Mitch, Captain, Mayor, Youngy, Corbett, Piff (and Archie later on)

Almost started: Paul Currie

Scratched: Pauly (deathly illness), Brendo (something about a car)


Transport beer list: White Rabbit dark ale for Piff, Carlton Draught for the rest (blew the White Rabbit keg)


Only fifty metres into the first stage saw the first casualty of the day as Youngy flatted while heading for the Yarra bank. The lads enjoyed a bonus round (Captain’s shout #1) of very average pots at Riverland whilst waiting for the repair to be completed. Bike hire shop did not have a pump - WTF. The aroma of gourmet sausages tempted us, but at this early stage eating was deemed to be cheating. Plus the asking price was $8 per snag. For only $2 more you could have had a stylish suit a la Corbett.


Onwards to the Albion in Port Melbourne. Not open. Mitchy, you just earned yourself the first yellow jersey of the day.

Luckily the Railway Club Hotel was open. Unluckily, it employs the grumpiest barmaid in the world. However, the Fat Yaks from Matilda Bay were sensational. Port Melbourne: MILF City. Getting a good buzz at this stage.


Next: O’Connells for a round of refereshing Asahis. Extremely friendly barman, the warmest pub in Melbourne. Yellow jersey awarded to Piff for not showing up at the Boulevarde last week.


South Melbourne Market: 18 dim sims, 6 coffees, Archie and 60 kilos of t*t


Headed north to the Mitre Tavern (Exchange Hotel closed). Dogbolter is back! “Piff, could you top me up with some of that black filth?”.  Archie expounds the meaning of life to the Captain


At this stage, we felt like living dangerously and headed further north in search of the Drunken Poet, failing miserably and settling on the Court House Hotel. $90 shout from Mitch – ouch. Nice beer, though. Seedy red back room with dodgy ventilation & no lights. Glad to get out of that one with virginity intact.


Next, the Albion in North Melbourne. Ski videos by Warren Miller , beer by CUB


Later, the Laurel (ugliest pub in Melbourne). The Captain wins some cash backing Sunofbula and Flirt Alert. Tequila shots all round.

Getting dark, getting sketchy. Finger food at the Grandview in Brunswick West. Great chips, waitress with attitude.


A huge chunk of metal ends up in Youngy’s back tyre


Visted Pauly, who was very poorly. Drank some more at the Union. Nice bottle of wine from the Mayor

7:40  CNuts won’t let Mitch go

7:41  Mitch does a sneak. Ends up smashing his pedals and cranks on the gutter but didn't fall off. Legend.

Piff departs. Fast ride back to a friend’s place in Northcote. Slept through the entire Germany-Argentina game with a stubby in hand.

Pizza finale for the remaining heroes.


Huge thanks to Mitch for organising. Can’t wait for the next TDL, hopefully we will see the return of the summer series.


Votes :

3. Mitch - for arranging the ride (thanks from everyone), drawing glasses on The Captain, bashing doors down on pubs that weren't open, record shout $90

2. KY - 3 flats, inability to use video camera (nothing worked!)

2. Piffy - for his interest in all beer varieties (except for Carlton Draught), also for his interest in Warren Miller, for Red Bull

2. The Mayor - for sorting out the bar staff at the Union, chatting to the Milfs in Port Melbourne, complaining about drinking coffee with Dim Sims at the market

2. Archie - for suggesting tequila at the Laurel, riding the comfort bike - again

2. The Captain - for the only 47 year old in the world wearing drawn on sunglasses, for buying the tequila at The Laurel, riding with a cigar

2. The Corbett - for suiting up and riding some tragic mtb 

1. Pauly - for hooping cough


Boule' 26-6-10

A cold morning where the comeback of Wiz was witnessed by Pauly, The Mayor & KY. Seems we have got soft in our old age. Yarra Street and others were climbed with enjoyment written on our faces. Grimace or smile it didn't matter as we were out there having a crack!!

Votes :

3. The Captain - for organising everyones else's life on a Saturday morning and then using some flimsy ballet excuse to get out of the ride. (I don't want to be tired for the ballet - WTF??)

2. Wiz - for coming back just as strong even though 4kgs heavier.

1. The Mayor - for having a big one the day before, gutsing it out, picking up his car in Kew and then making sure he waited at the cafe. That's what I call team playing. Take note the rest of you homo's.

See videos for a quick snap of Yarra Street.

Mordy 19-6-10

KY, Joe, new rider Kev "the imposter", The Captain, The Mayor, the return of Wiz, Stevie, Piffy, Pauly and the Milan man Supa all enjoying a cruisy ride to Mordy and back. Most of it together for once!

Votes :

3. Piffy - for lack of respect sprinting by himself to win at Mordy, then saluting with a raised arm.

2. The new Kev - for flatting in Port Melbourne, fixing it, then flatting, fixing it, then flatting.

1. Supa - for the "Captain America" booties. "I need Uncle Sam, I need Uncle Sam" was sung!

Long Weekend June 12

Pauly & The Mayor :

Paulie and I strolled thru Strathmore to the Airport for a blast up past the runway around concrete hill and back ( Monday) . Perfect conditions, though flaming cold.


Paulie is almost excluded from votes, as he chased down a poon who raced past us up Arundel road..( Couldn't let him get away with that!) . although I felt he was worth a vote after he claimed he cant wear his leg warmer/tights as they fall down all the time...... HMMMMM.......might need smaller tights Paulie,,....


I am sure there is a vote coming my way so I will leave that to Paulie and the poon leader Youngy to adjudicate.... Pauly and The Mayor 1 vote each.


Brendo, Grantley  & Supa :

Brendovitch, Grantley and I took to the hills as they seemed to be calling on chilly Monday…it was 6 degrees leaving home, and -6 when we arrived at bottom of the 1:20.


60k’s of hills including one that was just stupid! …however Great ride overall.


3 Votes:   Brendo for calling Grantley and I the old blokes and then finishing the 1:20 over 2 minutes behind both of us….. very soft!


2 Votes: to Supa…guys you should see my new “Hollywood Top”….but did it keep me warm!

1 Vote:  Grantley for powering up all the hills including the “this is ridiculous one”!


KY :

Saturday - with the cafe boys on the coast again, cold, wet, they are the hard men and ladies of the cycling world

Sunday - Great Ocean Road with Ross, but Ross pulled out early with shagger's back. A great ride and was passed by a long haired, no brake fixie rider on one of the climbs. Leader's jersey was worn and there was a lot of tooting from passing cars.


Brendo to wear the jersey next week.


Wherever 4-6-10

Those that rode :

The Mayor : A Cold, Foggy, and  joyful ride to the back of the airport- concrete hill for myself on Saturday. No land speed records broken. No mishaps.No votes.Very satisfying as the rain came down in buckets just after I arrived home!

KY : Rode with the cafe boys down the coast. They sorted me out by rolling turns for 10kms, time trialling 5kms, I fell off the back, they waited, and then they hit me again straight away – OUCH!! A 57 year old was leading the way!!!

Supa : Didn’t get a surf, but rode to Sorrento…..No poons, no records, no votes….

Pauly : Did not turn a pedal. Got out the axe and did a woodchopping contest though






Melburn Roobaix 30-5-10

Riders - Pauly, Mitch, KY, The Corbett, The Captain, Archie Jones, Piffy, Supa, Brendonovitch & Joel.

Highlights, lowlights - your call :

Pauly's mechanical 10 metres into the ride, Supa turning up with the "first MTB with full suspension" straight from the racks of the Brotherhood, The Captain's "only one in Australia" Wilier single speed getting scratched, Yellow & Black frequently heard, nameless people wearing bike shorts under their shorts upsetting Milano man Supa, Yellow & Black frequently heard, Archie getting us lost before we started, The Captain getting off his bike one metre into the first cobbled climb, The beer bike - gotta love it, Archie for riding a 'purpose built' Melburn Roobaix 10kg single speed 29 'er, Joel riding a formula one MTB and didn't raise a sweat, The Corbett at his angry best getting a flat and chucking his bike in the first 200 metres, running in the last group because of the flat, Mitch's tight 'mardi gras' jeans purposely cut the night before to take on the rigors of the ride, KY's "Poon Leader" jersey was cooking the man - the curse has not been lifted, Mitch taking out a downpipe, 1st beer stop - was it The Rose?, The Napier?, no it was the Lord Newry (lost and confused!), the sad soul on the bridge berating cyclists telling us to get a life and learn to read, she was walking 4 corgis for god's sake, loved the comment "it's a 2 dog limit on this bridge" & "how do you pick up all that dog shit?", conversation on ice fingers, Archie's continual skidding giving KY the shits,  Pauly's MTB skills - something to behold, Piff coming down hard in Whisky Alley and getting up straight away and back into it (as a hard classics rider should), he has some quality bruising that is still ripening, Archie making us ride the equivalent of 2 Koppenbergs by leading us and 20 others up the side road when it was meant to be the laneway, KY's spill through lack of skill on the mud section on top of the Koppenberg, Red Bull shots - now a daily intake, chicken feast at Nando's, riding with greasy chicken hands after the feast, Archie missing the arrow over Moonee Ponds Creek and taking us up yet another unnecessary hill, Brendo for thinking it was a race, Piffy for nearly going backwards on the final hill but nailing it (those who walked should be ashamed), Single speed rider credentials noted but called soft by Mitch (Piff, Brendo, The Corbett, The Captain & Archie), Fixed riders noted and called hard by Mitch (Mitch, Pauly & KY), Fixed rider who said riding the Roobaix fixed is lunacy (KY), all those that dressed up - definitely a highlight, The Lomond - why aren't there more pubs like that?, the cloudy filth was spot on with many consumed, unfortunately couldn't order the Lomond's famous salt and pepper calamari, we couldn't retain the trophy from last year but will be back next year, the joy on the face of the bloke winning the MASI - gold!, the last 2 large t shirts were purchased by KY & Pauly to be worn with pride, KY couldn't talk Pauly into another beer on the way home because he 'had enough", How's your husband Pauly or was it the pub?, thinking we all slept well, great training for Tour de Lager July 3. See "Events" page.

A great day had by our team - thanks to Andy and the rest of the crew involved.

Photos - see "Photo Gallery", load up the slide show and relax.

Votes -

3. Archie - for somehow making us and countless others believe he could navigate. Absolutely clueless. Also for playing with our minds taking us up non routed hills just to cause pain. "Poon Leader" jersey coming your way - preferably in some big MTB race!

2. Piffy - for coming down hard, twice,never complaining and gettin' on with it. In his natural habitat at the pub.

1. The Captain - at least fuckin' attempt to go up some of the hills!! That italian beauty of yours has never been ridden hard. It's about time it was!

Whittlesea Challenge 29-5-10

Pauly and Pina were the only ones that could be bothered. Pauly had to because of council regulations but Pina had a dip. Others - very very poor!!

Waiting for report and photos.


Mordy 22-5-10


"The unveiling of KY's Gellie Custom...........and Mullett"

From Supa:

Arriving at 7.05 at Port Melbourne I first thought I missed the Cnutters, but while trying to keep warm Adrian rocks up and then goes off for a slash….Piff arrives and I make the call that Jason must be with them as they are late.

The supposedly warm Yellow jersey is handed over and its not that warm.  Joey and Adrain lead the way out of St.Kilda until Piffy and I are called on just out of Brighton…I suggest we slow down the pace after 500m, or let someone who is a little fitter than us two porkers do the work…..a poon clad in white passes us ... Youngy makes the call that he has got the outfit on I wore last week….then about ten other likely lads make a break away, in Piffys usual style with nostrils flaring he made his move to get on the back while I huffed and puffed to catch up.  Although these guys could ride a bit they didn’t know what the word formation meant….we went past Vista…no its an Armadillo I called out but we were passed before any reaction was heard….. sometimes we were travelling slow but mostly about 38/40ks but these guys were all over the place while up front so Adrian and Joey tried to break them up by surging past to bring the chaos into some order…it didn’t work… just ask Pina who ran out of road and took the footpath…uneventfully trip on way back not even much talent…the points:


3 Votes: Pina for not only running out of Roadway…but for wearing his gloves on his toes because they were cold…soft!


2 Votes:  Adrian - where was the Mardi Gras?


1 Vote: Kev, for not riding your new beast with the Blokes


The Boulevard 15-5-10

"Pauly doing the yellow jersey proud on Yarra Street"

It was Pauly, KY, The Captain, The Mayor, Mitch, Supa, Brendo & Piffy enjoying and not enjoying The Boulevard (and some sneaky hills). Some had a dip, others didn't (they know who they are). Coffee and toast was had in Lygon Street (with a European priced Coke). Crownies were consumed at Club Young. Does it get much better? 

Votes :

Supa 3 - That outfit. I thought it was Melbourne not Milano.

The Captain 2  - That French comment to the waitress, that comment to an innocent bloke simply having a coffee "you are as gay as Supa", not riding up hills and being Dave  

Pauly 1- For cracking it about wearing the cursed yellow jersey. I got over it quickly - peer group pressure what is that ? Also for doing Yarra Street 3 times in a row (why? - because he can)


Joe at Disc 11-5-10

Tarmac & lager ..... well selected c-nuts (Supa, Pauly, KY & The Captain) witnessed and/or enjoyed both last night.  I hit the tarmac or the wood (feels just as hard) whilst the c-nut crew sipped lager from the stand. Thanks for the encouragment, particularly Dave who's "stick with 'em Joey" when I was absolutely f....ed almost made me fall off....again.
Photos on c-nut site thanks to KY
3 Votes to Joe - we can't believe he is doing it!!


Mordy 8-5-10

"Sometimes you gotta return to your roots (or Polish plum jam)"

Wiz, Pauly, Pina, The Mayor, Mitch, KY & The Corbett (potential CNUTter Simon also joined in) rode to Mordy while Supa & Joey did the long ride to Frankston.

A fairly brisk ride to Mordy with strongman The Mayor pushing the peleton. The standard "Corbett's Kilometre" sorted out who was ready for the sprint and skinny Wiz blew them all away. I was meant to be a social ride on the way back to Europa but some long socks with others tried to sort out our crew. Pauly put a stop to that and hopefully we were given a little respect as the pack was driven in turns by each of the CNUTs into a long single file. Again many a donut was consumed in Acland Street and Crownies were consumed at Club Young by KY, The Mayor & The Corbett.

Pauly - you get 3 votes for earning respect (even if it is self respect). Others - 2 to Mitch for his Marcel Marceau impression at the cafe. He was so rooted he couldn't talk! 1. The Corbett - for the Corbett Kilometre before Mordy trashing the peleton and himself.



Mordy 1-5-10

"Hughesy hamming it up with a couple of poons!"

Votes from Wiz :

3. Supa - for all the talk about gays. We think he is one especially with the powder blue top.

2. Youngy - how much time can you spend in the toilet at Mordi?

1. The Captain & The Mayor - for turning at Black Rock - soft!!

The Boulevard 24-4-10

"Wiz giving 'assistance' to The Mayor on his own tyre"

KY, Wiz, Pina, Pauly, The Mayor, Archie Brown, Piffy, The Corbett and Brendo tackled the Boulevard early Saturday morning.

KY donned the yellow jersey and continued the curse with a gastro induced ride. A couple of climbs of Yarra Street and the back of the school was enough. Brendo and Piffy made a call of single speeds but could not make it up Yarra Street (not suprising). Coffee was consumed in Lygon Street while the rain pelted down and served by a supposedly French lovely.

Votes :

3. Wiz - for once again not fixing his own flat (The Mayor took over), puncturing again on the way home and calling a taxi, and for calling on on KY's place Sunday for some repairs and maintenance to his bike and then taking his shirt off because he did not want any oil on it. (Special mention about his bike - was filthier than the Mayor's and we thought that was an impossibility)

2. Brendo - for his attempt on Yarra Street on the single speed nearly causing an embarassing brown issue. (He had a red hot go though)

1. The Mayor - for changing Wiz's tyre and probably causing another flat


18-4-10 Aust Marathon MTB Champs

Archie and I took on the 2010 Nemisis Australian MTB Marathon Championships on Sunday. We arrived in the thriving metropolis of Avoca to locals headbutting each other and crazy mountain bikers hanging at the local pub. We wandered over to the Shimano bike service area and ran into Craig Gordon (reigning world Solo 24hour MTB Champ) who was getting a granny ring fitted to his bike. We gave each other a quizzical look and said Gordo why are you fitting a granny ring ? (This is a man famous for winning 24s by riding the whole thing in the big dog). His response "I don't want have to walk half the course" and then he went on to tell us that they had designed the course to be the toughest yet in this country. As a pair of finely tuned and highly trained athletes this did not scare us in the least particularly after a near perfect preparation for me  - a couple of rides with the Cnuts and a cross country training run with my 9 year old daughter and getting on the gas on Friday night.

Was he right ? Well yes. I did the 45km half marathon due to my specialised training and it was close to the hardest riding I have ever done. Everyone I spoke to on course agreed but all most people could say was thank god I am not doing the 90. The first 10kms from the start consisted of a 7km climb that made me wish I was climbing  Macedon or the  Wall on my fixie. I got to the top and my head was spinning. Heart rate blown to sh!t and that was only the start. It only got worse from there.

All in all it was a great day - tough, rewarding and fantastic scenery. Archie is still too traumatised to speak about properly but it was a massive effort on his part.  

Full course for me next year

- Great work lads. 2 votes for each of you.

Mordy 17-4-10


You could not have asked for a better morning than that of the 17th April. With perfect riding conditions of no rain, no wind and plenty of Autumn sunshine, the Essendon crew  set off at 6.45am comprising of KY, The Mayor and The Captain.
With an effortless whirr of the Campag, the three caught up to the Port Melbourne riders of Stevie, Piffy and Supa and the six set off at a healthy 35kmh towards Mordy.
Youngy's big night on the turps and the The Captain's expanding girth meant that the two struggled a little until a rhythm set in.
A slight mechanical with the Captain as he could not re-cleat after a traffic stop, so after eventually clicking in, a decision was made not to uncleat again until Mordy. Thank goodness for his incredible ability to track stand!
A pack of riders was picked up and a steady clip of 35 - 40kmh was kept until the final sprint into Mordy with Piffy in the break being chased by The Mayor. Results unknown as The Captain didn't see the winner he was just trying to stay on board!
A decision was made to go back to our old haunt of Europa as the donuts have been few and far between, so still in perfect sunshine, the group left and stayed together the entire distance!!! (Take note Pauly, Joe, it can be done!)
One highlight of the ride back to St. Kilda was the wanker in the Ferrari 430 Spyder who tried to impress the large peleton just before Elwood with how loud and fast his car was to be able to scream in between cyclists. He was pulled over by an unmarked police motorbike and was pleading his case with the cop as the peleton sailed past. Needless to say he was told. Excellent.
With rider Michelle, who has an uncanny ability to only ride as far as the cafe we are having coffee at, meeting us at Europa, great donuts were had by all with much improved cafe latte's served by some serious talent.
The call was made for better coffee and strudel at Pelligrini's so it was back on the saddle and onto the city. A call from a fellow rider was heard across the road on the way there and it turned out to be The Rookie, now known as Apollo Creed for obvious reasons. (see photos). He joined the Nutter's for coffee in the city.
Supa knew a "shortcut" which ended up taking us around Lakeside Drive and Albert Park lake and finally into the city. Yeh Supa, a shortcut. Still no complaints as the weather was perfect.
Some great strudel, coffee and laughter was had by all as well as an interesting talk with the proprietor of "American Tailors" next door to Pelligrinis. He was explaining to The Captain and The Mayor his clientele who are willing to pay $79 for a pair of black cotton socks or $495 for an umbrella.........hmmm.
With goodbyes said it was time for home. A perfect morning for a near perfect ride.
3 votes: Youngy. For a statement to The Captain of:" Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to see you caught in the tram tracks and go down!" Yeh, Nice!
2 votes: Michelle. What, you only ride to the cafe now?
1 vote: Apollo Creed. For track standing at Park street with no hands, showing up the Captain.
1 vote: The Captain, For a dodgy cleat and I should have been wearing the Jersey. Apologies.

From Stevie :

Sooooo - we had just taken off from a set of pedestrian lights and as the cars filed past this tool in his Ferrari cut across the front of the bunch and blasted up the left side of the cars. Just as he cut across the front of the bikes this plain looking BMW roars past the bunch and I say to Kev "I reckon that's a cop", sure enough the lights and siren go on just after he gets in front of the bunch. Quick thinking sees Kev whip out the camera in time for a happy snap of Mr Plod grilling the tool, with the laughter of the bunch echoing in the background. Brilliant.

Jason Isbell - The Corner 16-4-10

KY & Pauly rode the fixies into The Corner (nearly taken out in LaTrobe Street) for some band mayhem. The Grining also turned up - without bike. Jason Isbell was excellent but his set way too short, Justin Townes Earle told some good jokes and the music was good for the 1st 40 minutes (bluegrass style eventually fries the brain), then the boys tried to work out what was happening in the front bar. Still clueless - lost in a haze of expensive Melbourne Bitter and wild tattoos.

For the other that missed it, Jason Isbell

Votes :

1. Pauly - for drinking Coke in the front bar at 1am

1. The Grining - for the shotgun story under the bed in USA.

1. KY - for upsetting / busting the cloak room guy getting up to no good. 

$7.50 a stubbie or $180 a slab !!!!

2010 Otway Classic

Riders - Wokka, KY, Vista, Pauly, Ross, Pinna and Wiz. Also joining in for after ride activities Rubber and Richo.

Highlights or lowlights (whatever you prefer) :

Vista's new nickname "Chrisso", Vista's refusal to drink Becks, Wizza's refusal to eat cous cous, Wizza yelling at the TV when the Bombers were playing (why?), perfect weather, very little wind, no rain, overcast, local call by Ross "it won't rain" (it didn't after raining all night), Wokka forgetting gloves, bridging a gap at 42 kmh and then dropping from the group - wtf?, 31 kmh average to Dean's Marsh, Billy Joel "My Life" again with some Elton John and Frank Sinatra, total abuse of the free energy bars, Vista and his 'hot' foot and near exhaustion, extended stop at Dean's Marsh due to Wokka's wheel malfunction, Wokka's new best mate fixing the wheel, Vista's 'UFC' recovery after the extended rest, Wizza - KOM (was last up the hill last year, 1st this year!), Ross's statement on top of the hill (see votes), Pauly assisting a female bike rider from the ground (see photos), Vista riding down Benwerrin Hill with a deflating tyre (he was wondering why his wheel was skidding out!), quality at the Lorne cafe, lack of service at the Lorne cafe, passing of the numero uno jersey to Pina at the Lorne cafe, Wokka struggling over the 'pimple' hills on the Great Ocean Road, KY's call "FIXIE" to the fixed rider at Fairhaven, Wokka keeping his face a lighter shade of red instead of bright red, 29 kmh average over 133km (good for us) WE RODE 90% OF IT TOGETHER (2 word to those who thought or said it could not be done), Vista's marinated chicken burgers with thinly sliced tomato, plenty of coldies at Club Young, Wizza's lack of underwear and HAIR, pub mayhem, KY's 'Z' and 'Mr' theory on betting - they kept winning starting with Mr Nappy and finishing with Zoro, keeping pizza shop open at 9pm!, Vista and an old mate on the return to the pub causing raucous behaviour with the locals, Wizza's comment "no more nostalgia", Wizza giving Vista the shits on the topic of apricots.


From Pauly:

Big effort on Saturday lads - hope you were all well hydrated on Saturday night.
3 The Plod for scaring the cr@p out of cyclists who dared cross the centre line with their sirens
2 The bloke with the carbon aero wheels - wtf?
1 The bloke with the DILI GAF tattoo on his legs - wtf II?

Team Points
3. Pinna - rebel entrant - then having the hide to scam the No1 entry and put it on his back
2. Wizza - last up the hill last year and a questionable first up this year (must be the full body shave down). i.e. Whilst his fellow riders are slowing down at the top to safely pull over to wait for their fellow riders one Paul Williams puts the foot down from behind and claims king of the mountain  
1.Ross - for showing such compassion and being politically correct  - Quote " their is a lot of fat cnuts on this ride" Don't know how they get up the hill.
Hospitality Points
3. Youngy for letting us stay at his house. He may well be asking why oh why. Particularly when the paint peels off as a result of Wiz's disgraceful odors. But he is SORRY

Comments from Pinna :

Points to the good looking waitresses in Lorne for being so bloody hopeless at their jobs that we all got up and left!
And the guy at the pub for his tip: Rosehill race 8. number 8...... What a donkey!

Mordy 20-3-10

Pinna, Stevie, KY, Vista, Wokka & Piffy all made the journey to Mordy and back. We joined up in a massive group on the way down to Mordy travelling at a decent speed. It was mayhem after Black Rock with groups passing, joining up together and general testoserone being thrown about. The inevitable occurred and a few riders went down but we managed to miss the carnage. On the way back there was plenty of speed with Russ, Pinna and Vista doing us proud off the front. Stevie yook us to a new cafe in South Melbourne which was enjoyed by all except for Vista who could not cope with the warm latte, apricots in the toast and some whte greek additive. (Pinna loved it). Vista's last comment was 'why not serve the old fashioned raisin bread?"

Votes :

3. Pinna - for riding at the front for 5 kms doing 40kmh and then exploding. (Stevie predicted this) He made an arm gesture for the next rider to roll through but was totally ignored until some other rider volunteered to go up front. Good effort though considering he did The Goat and some other activities the night before.

2. The Mayor - for chatting to some quality on the way down and asking his standard question to the ladies "What do you think of shaved men?". Her answer - she loves it!!

1. Stevie - for the cafe he classed as 'best in Melbourne'. It was good but best? Better than the Polish?

1. Vista - for taking a liking to the waiter's skin tight tartan pants.

The Goat 19-3-10

Pauly, The Captain, KY, Pinna, Piffy met up for a long overdue reunion with The Corbett at the Goat.

Votes :

3. The Captain - for drinking at 3 times the speed of others, only to crash early, continuously ordering pizzas, crashing on his bike in Richmond somewhere, continuously skidding thinking he is a fixie rider and riding past cafes continually pedalling so that the punters think he is a fixie rider (just fucking ride it fixed!!!!)

2. Pinna - for turning up late because of "The Story", pulling his bike out of the car to ride into Pelligrinis, rolling up his jeans exposing the full RM Williams boots.

1. Piffy - for the unnatural act of being in his natural habitat and not getting into the cloudy stuff.

Other notables - Pauly's ordering of a pizza with only a few green bits on it and The Corbett for not having a real dip! 

The Boulevard 13-3-10

Pauly, Piffy & The Mayor

From The Mayor :

"3 votes Brendo for not showing up and obviously not knowing how to pull away even though he goes for 4.5 hours!  2  for Dave as he didn't show also!!one Paulie for' I am stuffed -on empty ' then racing past us and away. 1 to Piff because I was poon leader and can!!! Kew blvd all good! Great ride. Two full laps sun shining. Coffee at Lygon..doesn't get much better."

KY did a 100km recon' through the Otways and destroyed his Sunday afternoon planned activities. It hurt!

From The Corbett :

Saturday Mountain Bike: Afternoon ride. Crashed into small tree stump which was never there before.  Over handlebars before I knew what was going on. Managed to see a  nude photo session. Odd ride.  Sunday Road Ride : Tried to get up and go early but no luck. Tried to ride to Beach Road but the Run for the Kids seemed to block that idea. Got to ride around the city and back home. Bring on the goat.


Mordy 6-3-10

Wizza - we are athletes so steamed next time!!!

Wizza, Wokka, Vista, Pinna, KY, Pauly, The Mayor, Brendo & Piffy all ventured down to Mordy and back. Fairly standard ride at a brisk pace with only a few explosions. Padre coffee, cakes and dim sims were had at South Melbourne Market and enjoyed by all.

Votes :

3 The Mayor - for questioning KY's ability to find good coffee and changing his mind once tasted.

2 Pinna - for the biggest explosion after riding on the front at 40 kmh. Were you actually riding backwards?

1 Wizza - steamed not fried! Had his 1st taste of fried food for 6 months!

See pics

The Boulevard 27-2-10

Ride report 2, The Captain.
Got out of bed at a reasonable hour, 7.45am, dressed and rode to Kew Blvd in glorious sunshine.
Slight headwind to Johnson street but relatively calm on the Blvd.
Thinking of the boys at Macedon and smiling to myself thinking this is pleasant, no 13% gradients here, just a few steady hills to slowly get back into some fitness.
When I see the teams other ride report as "the hardest ride ever", I know I made the right call.
Home with a tailwind via the bagel shop for lunch, then on to work.
58km's covered, heartrate round 160bpm and no rain, fog or mist.
Now that's ridin'!

Mt Macedon 27-2-10

"Hardest ride ever"

Pauly - "Supa 3 for trying to bullsh!t his way out of climbing Macedon
Wiz 2 for not noticing a 10kmh hairpin and nearly killing himself and half the team
Mitch 1 for getting his phone out to try and bullsh!t his way of the climb"

Mitch - Wizz made the call early for a Sunbury start and was joined by Mitch, Pauly, Piff, Supa, The Mayor, Pina and Wizz's mate Greg.A strong headwind out of Sunbury saw the Mayor close to a rolling spew but he settled as we hit neared the hills. The Team Cnut motto, "everybody has our measure" was again proven true as three guys on MTB's passed some of us on the flat road at the base of Macedon.Macedon sorted out the wheat from the chaff with Supa and Piff eventually being coaxed up the hill by Pauly who nominated himself to go back and get them.It should be noted that it is claimed to be the steepest section of road in Victoria with an average gradient of 13% for a two kilometre section thrown in for shits and giggles.A great trip down the other side where Wizz took on a hairpin at 65Km and nearly took Pina out as he rounded the corner on the opposite side of the road. Nearly took himself out too.The headwind out turned into a headwind home as the weather turned nasty.Mitch flatted just out of Woodend and again less than 5 minutes later. The mist turned to rain and ride down the freeway was fast but wet. Honourable mentions :

To Wizz for taking on a hairpin bend at 60km and ending up on the wrong side of the road, and almost taking Pina out too

To Piff for driving 88km (176km round trip) to Sunbury and walking his bike up the hill.

To Mitch for 2 flats in 10 minutes

To Supa for taking on Macedon prior to rushing home for a shower and then back to the airport for a 4pm flight to Italy

Wizza : As expected  no one knows how far Sunbury is so everyone was about 15-20 min late, but Piff had the longest trip, 88 kms from the other mountain.
Supa was making the most noise with his deep voice yelling from across the street so at about 7:25 we left. Wizza, Supa, Mitch, Pinna, Mayor, Pauly, Piff, Greg (from Sunbury) out of Sunbury into the north wind on the old Calder Highway to Gisborne. then the climbing began. Supa kept telling everyone he was saving himself. It must have been for Italy because it wasn't for riding. We made our way around the base of the mountain then turned on the main climb with about 7-8 kms of 13% climb ahead of us. It was everyone for himself to the summit. Pauly - KOM, well done, Then Wizza, Greg, Pinna, Mitch, Mayor, Supa & Piff. It was hard with a couple of guys crying by the top. When we reached to top a lot of riders who were coming the other way said that climb was the toughest in Victoria. Well done everyone. Then a trip down hill to Woodend for coffee,  then after two flats from Mitch. We got on the freeway for the 30 kms trip back to Sunbury in the driving rain, stopping the  clock at 89 kms. A tough but fun ride. Maybe next week we can a restful ride to Mordi and all the girls (dave) can come!!!

 Wiz - is there evidence of waxing here?

Ballarat Cycle Classic 21-2-10

Wiz, The Mayor, KY and Ross from Anglesea had a crack at the 100km Mt Buninyong Classic Challenge. Kath and Kate lined up for the Yankee Flat 65km ride. Perfect weather

The lads did a flyer and immedately broke away from the bunch (started 5 minutes earlier than anyone else) and got 15kms in before the breakway got caught. All was good before the Buninyong hill which decimated the pack and sorted out the crew. Everyone was strong on the ride but Ross seemed more content on chatting to the ladies. Poons were a plenty and the crew wearing Jayco gear had no sense of humour so beware of these guys on the road. They were compaining about anything!!. There were also some triathletes that arrogantly took over the road and wouldn't let us pass. Boys, you looked good with your carbon wheels and gear but Wizz had your measure so next time GET OUTTA THE WAY! The hills were short but steep and Wiz and KY were happy to get the last 2 bottles of water at Gordon. Talk about under catered for! Ross tried the Gordon tap water which no doubt caused some problems downstairs. The Mayor at one stage had his ear bitten by flies waiting for Ross. We all pushed towards the finish thinking it was nearly finished but there was one cracker of a hill left. Many were walking with their expensive bikes as the crew rolled up looking strong. A lap of the empty lake as we all rode through the finish to the sound of the band playing "The Letter" by Joe Cocker. Kate and Kath had been waiting for a while and completed their 65 kms with relative ease. Next year the 100km for them!

A great ride which we all should do next year.

Votes :

3 - Wizza, for his promise to shave down before the next triathlon. Was strong the whole ride.

2 - The Mayor - gutsed it out, took on the hills and the Jayco poons.

1 - Ross - for attempting to drink the local water in Gordon and surviving.

1 - Kath, Kate and KY - great effort in finishing, not stopping on hills, and putting up with the band playing some dodgy covers on arrival at the finish.

The Dandenongs 13-2-10

From Piffy :

"I thought I was going to be OK after being rescued by Cath but the runs kept going for the rest of Saturday (4 days in a row). Ended up sleeping Sat arvo & half of Sunday. Happy to report that things have now dried up. Result: 2 kg weight loss. With my new lightness I should climb a bit better next time.Great ride photos (except the ones of me).

"Lay down, Sally, and rest you in my arms.
Don't you think you want someone to talk to?
Lay down, Sally, no need to leave so soon.
I've been trying all night long just to talk to you"

KY, Pauly, Mitch, Joe, The Captain, The Gellie, Supa headed out to Piff Manor to join Piffy and Brendo for an 80km assault on the Dandy Hills. On arrival Piffy looked crook and that he was with some serious bowel issue. He had a crack and did the yellow jersey proud. As he came out of the toilet on one of the hills he asked does this sweat look normal? No it didn't and common sense prevailed as he rang Kath to pick him up. The curse of the yellow jersey continued. Brendo excelled himself with the route and pushed all of us. In fact pushing was the word as The Captain had to be pushed by Joe on a few of the closing hills. There were a couple of explosions and The Gellie was another commenting 'I have never felt like that!!' The 'Best Ever' cafe was full so it was the Tea Rooms. What is with the Eurppean prices in the Dandy's? $7.50 for 2 pieces of crunchy toast? Never again. KY endured some non stop whining from The Captain on the final hill (some comments about slong was heard) as the others raced to Piff Manor as Kath had made some magnificent muffins.  A well organised ride but tough for some.

Votes :

3 - The Captain for thinking that Ewen actually had a reverse gear and for playing on my good nature and making me nearly turn around to pick them up off the free way. Youngy didn't believe a word but I must be more gullible. Never again though - could back fire in the future boys. Also for the constant complaining about hills. Get over it!
2 - Piffy for actually attempting to ride even though he was ill. Fair sweatage.
1 - The Gellie for the massive explosion.


Half Iron Man Geelong 7-2-10

Stevie & Wiz - a great effort

From Stevie :

Geelong Half Race Wrapup;

Started at the front with the blue caps thinking "Oh shit there's 1000 people behind me". Got to first turn buoy without getting punched, kicked, or swum over. Saw what I throught was a plastic shopping bag on the way out to the first buoy, over the next 800m discovered that it was actually a jelly fish and promptly got stung on the face 3 times (I do not recommend this, it was kinda like having hydrchloric acid poured on your face).  Got out with most of the front group, which according to Michelle had swum half way to Melbourne!

T1 was "interesting". Couldn't get wetsuit off. Face stinging like hell. Michelle yelling instructions - thankfully. Eventually out and going onto my favourite leg. Rode solo up Eastern Beach hill, through the botanical gardens, and onto Port Arlington Rd with a huge pack of 50 odd around 600m up the road and no one behind me. After about 1km, several riders came past and formed a pack which grew to 40 riders by the 10km mark which is where the first hill kicks in, as Wizz said, it's a 39-21 grinder and the girls in the pack went backwards in a hurry. Around the first turn and on the return leg was sitting at the back of the pack (legally 4-5m behind) riding at 45-50km/h and getting up to 68km/h down the hill. Back to the botancial gardens, down the hill, and through the Eastern Beach carpark for lap 1. Repeat above another two times. Completed bike in 2:31 for the 91kms, yes the course was long.

Onto the run at 3:08 and thinking "looking good for a sub 5 hour race", after 2km the wheels fell off and hamstrings locked up. Stopped, stretched, then got going for 100m and the same thing. Stretched then walked for a few minutes. Finally got running at snails pace around the 3km mark. First lap was 37mins and not looking good! Got through second lap without cramping but still slow at 35mins, told myself to "harden up" and ran the last in 27mins to sneak in under 5hrs with 3 minutes to spare.

Look forward to seeing a C-Nut team at next years event to go up against the likes of "Far Kennel", "The Muffin Riders", or "RWETHEREYET".

From Wizza :

Swim - 39:40

Ride - 2:53:33

Run - 1:54:24

Yes  i am alive.
The alarm went off at 530am on Sunday   I thought I had enough time to set  the bike up a get ready by 700am  but when I arrived   I couldn't get my tyres pumped up above 80 then I couldn't get the power bars to stick to the stem  then I had to wait 20 mins for the toilet  then it was 655am  I I still hadn't put on my wetsuit or warmed up, well at least it didn't give me a chance to get nervous  then as the pros were going off at 700am  I was getting my wetsuit  wet and getting ready for the 705 start when 1000 people swam off together only separated by a swim cap colour means yellow was slow and white was fast and orange was in the middle  and by the way a lot of people in orange thought they were better than they were because I was passing them
so the gun went and my 5;34;52 had begin  my main aim was to relax and after about 300 metres  I thought    this is ok I hadn't had any problems with people swimming into to me  then coming up to a guy who was already swimming breaststroke     bang a full blooded kick right in the jaw  that nearly turned me over     the joy of open water swimming  then at 800mtrs a right hand turn to swim in a easterly direction and at about 715am the sun was just above the water making the sight of the 2nd buoy  impossible I just followed the crowd and after about 300mtrs a guy on a surfboard was yelling left   left  left  I must have swum a extra 200mts  as well as about 100 others  anyway we reached the next buoy and turned for home and the sight of the big buoy on the shore was easy to spot   so after 39 mins  the swim was over   great now the fun starts
got the wetsuit off and started on the bike   felt rely good  but keeping telling myself  don't go too hard and have spent everything by 40kms  a very hard hill at about 10/40/70 kms brought me back under 20km/hr but on the way down was doing around 58km/hr lapped at about 56/58/60 mins  so looking back I was getting tired
then got off the bike  really stiff in the bum and legs  and was worried about the 21kms run  but started off and kept telling myself  just to relax and drink heaps  it was heating up and I was just trying to keep my heart rate under 150   lap 1 was over and I wasn't feeling any worse so I begun to think I will finish this  after 2 laps I knew I would finish so after 5.34.52 I crossed the line and after 10 months of wanting to do this event   I had done it
tired by satisfied and well within my goal of hers  so really happy
thanks to you guys for your help over the years in making me a better rider and your interest in my efforts

6-2-10 Mordialloc

From Supa :

What set out to be another uneventful ride to Mordy turn into a very pleasant, heart pumping morning…..


A late Friday night text from Brendovitch ….”Honey I’m out with Gastro”…left the mind wondering while about the same time Glen…still yet to join the C-Nuts…texts stating “I’m in for Sat” then on Sat morning texts…”I’m out….big night”!


Arriving on time at Port….Jason wasn’t riding……..Joey, The Mayor and Vista joined Piff and myself.  Joey…and note…..Supa lead the way into the slight breeze…As the Mayor was commenting on the marvellous weather  we were over taken by the guys from Watercool, Blush interiors team……they can’t think of a real name!!!….yes my mate Grantley, Wizz’s mate Tony and the rest of the guys…As good C-Nuts do, we hopped on the back and at a brisk pace of 32-34kms we a coming into the straight at Mordy, when someone yells lights as I was putting away my drink bottle.  Looking up all I could see if Piff flying 4 wide through the Red Lights while the Poon in front had slammed on his brakes and I was beside him joining handlebars..and Vista up my arse asking “whats going on?”


With the aid of a tail wind we join up with some likely lads maintaining a nice pace of about on about 38kph when going up the hill near Charman Rd towards Beaumaris a mechanical malfunction being that my chain derailed at the front slowed me down but in true form, I was able to fix it without stopping but it did slow the team down dropping the other lads…..with Joey leading the way we quickly picked them up….

Cruising most of the way back at a steady pace on around 42-44kms… with the normal banta.  Some particular comments to note were:

“whats going on with that”….

“can you run any sexier than that”

“Bend those elbows”… need to see what she was doing to appreciate!!!



1 Vote for Pauly:   for still holding onto the Yellow Jersey!!!

2 Votes for Dave:   not collecting the Yellow Jersey …along with the debacle with your bike and not being able to ride…

3 Votes for Piff:  Doing the Cnut thing….hanging out the back, being towed along from St.Kilda then sprinting in front of the guys at the post and going through a red light!!!

……luv ya work Piff!!!  


Others :

The Corbett "MTB Report - 2 hours, no crashes. Absolutely rooted. 0 votes"

KY "90 kms Great Ocean Road, what's with the wind? Rooted is not the word"

Stevie & Wiz - both completed the Geelong Half Iron Man, great effort, awaiting a report  

Pauly & The Archer "Lazy Ride with The Archer was like Pauly's Iron Man"


Spotted this for Brendo :


30-1-10 Mordialloc

From Piffy :

Peloton: Mitch, Supa (back from whirlwind European business trip), The Mayor, The King (Joey’s mate), Joey, Piff & the guy with the broken finger whose name I can’t recall but I’m sure has ridden with us a few times before.
Guest cafe visitor:  Steamtrain Steve
Leisurely pace on the way down, except for the final sprint. The King gets up over Joey on the line
Crazy initial pace on the way back, thankfully the av. speed dropped back a bit for the remainder.
Great weather, great service at Velvet. A perfect example of why we love to ride
3 Captain. Metung, don’t rate it
2 Supa. Spectacular wardrobe malfunction
1 Pauly. For not bringing the Maillot Jaune (harsh but fair)
Captain has the poon leader honours for next week

Expect to hear more about this voting....................

Wildwood 24-1-10

Wildwood called again, and for the second week running a small but dedicate crew took off from Club Young.  Brendo and Piffy took off early with Mitch, Pauly, Wizz, and Ewen Gellie making the rendezvous at the local park where Brendo was giving the public toilets a workout.  He emerged 5 minutes later (complete with bike - work that one out) and Piffy took his to turn shed a couple of kilo’s

On Pascoe Vale Road Brendo let loose on claims that he’d once spent 4.5 hours on the nest, with some outside action until the mosquitos took over.  Wiz compared that effort to the half ironman in a couple of weeks and will compare his effort after 4.5 hours into the event to the effort of Brendo. Piff was the only casualty of the day taking a fall on one of the milder hills but he soon caught up as the rookie tended to KY’s bike, which was stuck firmly in the lower chain ring. Piff's comment on his ride today was that his effort was similar to that of Sally Robbins.

Nearing the end of Wildwood Road Youngy’s bike played up again, and upon closer inspection his bottom bracket had ‘self’ loosened (see photo) and was almost totally out.  Once again Ewen made good with the few tools between the group and Youngy’s steed saw him home; there was also plenty of advice for his local bike shop!

Abuse was cast over the riders somewhere between Greenvale and Cooloroo by a disgruntled driver.  Evidently road riders aren’t meant to be on the road.  He got the next red light and signalled he was ready for a fight.  After copping a decent spray from the pack he took off to carry out other bogan duties he had, no doubt, planned for the day.  Dickhead!

Russ’s favourite Puckle Street Café didn’t disappoint and the talent was worth it. We’ll be going back, and we would have stayed but Ewan’s nicks were the talk of the town and not suitable for public display – we’ll forgive the rookie on this occasion


1 Point – Brendo, for his 4.5 hour comment, taking his bike into the dunny and Youngy for getting his trustee steed home despite it’s mechanical failings

2 Points – Ewen Gellie, for his mechanical aptitude, obscene see through knicks, and rookie ride

3 Points – Piffy for following Brendo into the public toilets (after he’d been in their with his bike) and his fall in Wildwood Road (how did you manage that?).....and his potential new nickname "Lay Down Sally".

Not great!

Wildwood 17-1-10

"Grinderman taking on the Wildwood hill"

"Russ's Route" - a new route devised by The Mayor himself

Pauly, Fletty, Mitch, KY, The Mayor, Vista were joined by some new companions John and Liam for an 80km ride around the hills of Wildwood.

Coffee was had in Strathmore with some fruit toast with apricots much to Vista's disgust.

The ride finished with Heinekens at Club Young by all except Pauly & Fletty who treat their bodies as temples.

Votes :

3. Mitch - 1st ride on the road bike for a long time and completed the ride in PAIN. Nice comment by him "I may be knackered but I am not soft!" Did it hard with little complaining and the traditional afternoon nest work looked in trouble.

2. The Mayor - for turning up after 2 days of solid drinking celebrating his 40th birthday. Looked strong on the ride and a collapse was predicted Sunday afternoon. This did occur as he tried to ride KY's fixie and ended up flat out on the ground!

1. Vista - for the lolly supply and introducing us to some new confectionery with 'real chocolate' - very unusual that Vista.

A ride we need to do again. Little traffic, nice hills and only a little testoserone!


10 & 11 January 2010

From The Mayor :

"Rode Wildwood with Pinna. He gets a vote for talking about breasts which means I couldnt think about anything else. Also, or, for softness on way home,. Legs tired!"..........also a vote for The Mayor - for thinking about breasts

From Mitch :

Near miss
Paul, Mitch and the Captain (aka the Hard Man of MTB) were racing the clock to meet the Corbett on the Yarra MTB trails when Pauly, out the front, has a head-on collision with an MTB coming in the opposite direction.  Paul yelled out in surprise as he went over the handlebars landing in the bushes to the side of the track.  Minor cuts and bruises, a broken shifter, but nothing more to report. 
This is considered a near miss as Paul was back on his bike within the minute, once again leading the charge to rendezvous with the Corbett.

3 votes Pauly and now leader of the Crash Award

Amy's Ride 3-1-10

Well the first official C-nut event of 2010 was a grand affair with the introduction of the new female branch of the c-nut clan.  Not sure if they'll be looking to name this branch differently & whether votoing should be separate or included??? Have your say but for the moment I'll assume where all one big ha[ppy family
3 Jason (aka Robbie) - exploded 15kms into ride - a number of excsues included up late working on bike, trying to keep up with the real Robbie (5 bikes ahead - seriously!!), incorrect pace-maker setting and/or (my favourate) shorts too tight!! which made him spew (even though these were the old Nando shorts supplied by KY & tipping shorts don't change in diammetre - therefore interpretted as the "Too much Christmas pudding" excuse)
2 Steve - 6 km run off the bike after completing 120kms @ an average of 34km/h - Not necessary & overachievement
2 Kylie for completing the 60kms on a Giant Rincon purchased 12 years ago, never serviced & weighing 3 tonne
1 each to Michelle  & Kate for looking after Kath & Kylie - unheard of in the c-nut camp - looking after others?
1 extra to Kath & Kylie for boldly stating 30 kms that 'this is easy ... should have done the 120kms' - next year beckons ladies
4 female reps vs 3 males - we could be in trouble lads as the girls all performed spendily & seemed to enjoy it.
See pic of our new mate & world champ Cadel Evens who along with Robbie McEwen & Cookie were in the pack that we rode with

The world champ before Joey sorted him out!

Mordy 26-12-09 "The Yellow Jersey"

Pauly, KY & Wizza set a blistering pace to Mordy and back for the opening day of the Yellow Jersey. Coffee at Europa for some nepalm jam. 

Votes :

3. Wizza - for yelling out his heart rate every 5 minutes and getting upset with red jersey who was all over the road at 45kmh.

2. For the bloke riding no hands in the peleton

1. For everyone that stayed on the nest

"The Polish donuts made everyone smile" - Velvet what have you got?

Mordy 19-12-09

Votes :

3. Pina - 1 for each puncture and 1 for the new tyre. Heard of a bicycle service?

2. Stevie - for the fist action as a fast group went past. A rider actually hit it!

1. Joe - for the massive skid through the lights after winning the sprint 

"Joe questioning The Captain on how the roof can possibly get over his head"

The Corner 18-12-09

Pauly, The Grining and KY ventured out for their monthly outing to see & listen to some music. Pauly & KY once again rode their bikes in.

They went to see Mick Thomas and the Sure Thing to listen to one song "A Tale They Won't Believe" wasn't played. Anyway, many beers were consumed at the rooftop bar, front bar, bandroom and later to some wierd and wonderful music at the front bar.

Later that night Pauly unveiled the famed CNUT Leader's jersey. A lesson was learnt - keep beers to healthy minimum before riding home

"Pauly - at 2am"

Votes :

3. Pauly - for the 2am stack along Brunswick Street on the way to Souvlaki King caused by tram tracks. Evidently was helped by some pedestrians. There is damage to both body and jersey.

2. KY - for losing control, riding over a gutter only to blow a tyre - with no spare tube. A fair 5 km walk with Pauly to Brunswick. Pauly then left his fixie for KY to ride. A good initiation to fixed gear riding - 3am, absolutely maggotted and a decent downhill into Moonee Ponds.

1. The Grining - for failing to put his beer down correctly in the front bar, swamping himself and also failing to get a taxi. Result - a long walk home from Richmond to Elwood. On the walk home 2 Four n Twenty 'traveller' pies were consumed from different 7/11's.


12-12-09 The Boulevard

"The Corbett's standard salute"

Fair crew who did the hard yards including Yarra Street and the 'other hill'. It was The Mayor, Joe, Wokka, Vista, Stevie, Pauly, KY, The Corbett, Supa, lady's man Pina and Piffy who took on the rolling hills and females with pink legins with baskets on their bikes. The Captain turned up a bit later.

Votes :

3. The Captain - for turning up very late on the fixie, just for coffee (and for being clean shaven, very questionable considering he does not usually ride)

2. Vista - for the Big Boss cigars on top of Yarra Street (they were required)

1. Stevie - for puncturing outside the South American CD shop. Very entertaining, if anyone would like to sample some of this music see Supa who has this style of music on constant rotation.

Mordy 5-12-09

Jason E, The Mayor, The Captain, Joe, Pauly, Supa, Brendonovitch and Piffy headed to Mordy on a beautiful morning for riding.

Votes :

3. Jason - for wearing knicks so thin that bum hair was exposed, and again arriving early but being late!

2. The Captain - for riding the Wilier that continually breaks down. Tyres and cabling this time. UPGRADE please!

1. Pauly, Brendo, Supa and Joe for wearing non team outfits.

1. Joe - for his poor French to the waitress at Velvet. all was going well until Joe mentioned "Menage a trois". She didn't come near us after that.

Special mention to the quality Russ was chatting to, and the rider in the skins knicks who was exposing all the croutons in his bum crack.

Mordy 29-11-09

The Votes :

3. The Archer - for destroying everyone, getting a puncture with everyone waiting and then destroying again

2. Joe - for asking a Hawthorn CC rider if if he could fill the gap on the inside with no response, taking the gap and then getting lambasted by the Hawthorn poon.

1. Wiz - for seeing a group of riders with the same gear and giving them a serve. No mirrors at your place?

The Boulevard 21-11-09

Pina, The Mayor, Pauly & KY tackled 3 'extended laps' of The Boulevard.

Highlights - a sake fueled Russ awakening with Japanese eyes, Pauly's new carbon steed "The Focus", Pina being a virgin Boulevard rider meant Yarra Street had to be taken on, dubious quality female with pink pants riding on an urban MTB with basket was passed up the hill and then passed us on the downhill, was last seen in 'tuck position' going down into the carpark (very funny, maybe had to be there),  high quality female rider passing on hill only for KY to pass and let her know that it got the boys 'excited', her retort "I knew that would happen", strong coffee in Lygon Street with Russ's pouch being stared at - again, note Pina ordered a skinny latte (what the?), and.. Russ's new cycling mate who had just done the hell ride, we think he 'liked' you.

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for all of the above, and for doing all the laps, hills & yelling out under the influence of 2 litres of sake.

2. Pina - for finally returning, the story of a bird coming through his side window on Friday, while driving 100kms an hour, and for the skinny latte.

1. Pauly - for riding the new steed without shaving the legs.

Piffy and crew were in the hills. SMS from Piffy "Devil's Elbow sucks". It must have been hard. 2 votes for you.

Mordy 14-11-09


Fair crew for the ride in perfect conditions for the celebration - KY, The Captain, Vista, Wizza, Stevie, The Mayor, Piffy and new rider Alex (aka Harry Connick Junior)

Votes :

3. The Captain - Homo shirt, hairy underarms, lack of definition on arms, shaving of arms, lack of colour on arms & for winning the sprint and taunting us as he went past.

2. Stevie - for going to Mt Eliza (not a cnut move) and telling the rest he would beat us back to Moonee Ponds (no chance). He also questioned us if we only had one coffee! Stevie, we are not that bad.......and you're not that good! (Shouldn't say that as he will be out for the kill next time)

1. Vista - for turning 50 and riding for the first time in 3 months. 

1. Harry - for being a brute, leaving everyone for dead in Elwood, and then on the Mount Road hill.

Blitzen Trapper 11-11-09

A wierd and wonderful evening of sweet harmonies, triple keyboards, 4 guitars, heavy drumming and 'Dylan esqu' folk singing. Blitzen Trapper - their style is somewhat different. It catered to the women, unlike other bands we have seen.

Pauly rode the fixie, KY the Paddy Wagon and The Grining trammed it in. An Asian meal was consumed and a $2 coin was found in KY's rice noodles - nice tip! After that, beer o'clock with plenty of Cascade Pale Ales!

Check what you missed (love it or hate it!) :

Next concert - get on board!

Votes :

3. Pauly - in his urban element on the fixie and for approval of his 'bike' from some quality female tram commuter. Was it the bike or the body?

2. The Grining - for drinking beer at a pace not held by others.

1. KY - for not swallowing the $2 coin

The Boulevard 7-11-09

Padre coffee - YEP

The Boulevard - The Mayor, KY and The Captain, Joe -The Mordy run

Coffee in Lygon Street and at Padre

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for the jatz cracker conversation with 2 females outside Padre. He busted them looking at his nuts!

2. The Captain - for yelling HOLY SHIT to some high quality in Lygon Street. She laughed. Also for his face after drinking a Padre short black. See pics

1. Pauly - for using the excuse of baby again and looking shithouse at Padre from lack of sleep. 

For the latest pics go to Gallery '2009 Pics' last page

3-11-09 The Boulevard

Pauly & KY did 3 laps HARD. The Captain - possibly 1 lap SLOW including a near cardiac arrest on Yarra Street. A women walking her dog passed him in full flight!

Votes :

3. The Captain - for turning up late, and for turning around at the top of hills so he didn't have to ride up them!!!! He looked the part though.

2. Pauly - for riding at 100%. His reason why? - to make his legs hurt. It worked and sorted out KY.

1. Scotty - for giving The Captain a spray at the coffee shop about his soft top Mercedes. He suggested The Captain wear a mop next time.

Special mention to all the Flemington Institute of Cycling riders - they arrogantly took up the whole road at the bottom of one of the climbs. They were stationary!  To pass we had to virtually go on the other side of the road.What the fuck were they doing? YOU CAN USE THE ROAD BUT NOT ALL OF IT YOU TURDS!!

Weekend 1st November

No reports as yet :

Piffy & Supa's crew - Beach Road

Stevie - Kinglake

Wizza - took 18 minutes of his time from last year's Noosa tri

Brendo & KY - took on Dean's Marsh hill, in fog!

Pauly took on The Archer at the You Yangs.

Votes - need information. At this stage :

3. Pauly - he needs someone else to ride with the Archer.

2. Brendo - a great comeback on the Great Ocean Road. Also for making the excuse of injury to the locals on the early part of the ride, but not willing to explain how the injury eventuated.

1. Wiz - for completing the Noosa tri in his record time (awaiting pictures of floral tri gear)  


Tour de Rutherglen 24-10-09

Report to come from someone, and maybe not at all.

In the meantime votes are :

3. Mitch - for the 'hand'. A Friday night call was made not to fill his half empty pot. What was that? - preferring the nest over beer is not in the Teamcnut constitution.

2. The Corbett - for the no show Saturday night. Was spotted at Poachers on the brink Saturday afternoon. Was never going to get there for the dinner. Used the old chestnut "It was the drugs that put me to sleep".

1. Social member Keith - for getting lambasted by Billy Chambers for 'shooting' the wine rather than sipping. Get over it Billy!

See Photo Gallery for pics.....more to come

Mordy Jaunt 24-10-09

From Stevie :

When you think about perfect mornings for riding, you are thinking sun, cool weather, no wind, no poons, and flat bitumen. Saturday October 24 served this perfect combination up to the three C-Nuts who were lucky enough to be out there, while Scotty probably enjoyed the flawless weather in a dust bowl. A leisurely cruise to Port Melbourne was followed by an uneventful but pacey trip to Mordy, with Wizz showing some great form before Noosa next weekend. There was no sprint due to the unpredictable riding styles of the group we had joined on the way down, and the fact we were already sitting on 50+ km/h.

We were led home by the "The Pack" who turned out to be very solid riders with no attitude and a heady pace of 40-45km/h. Wizz again showed the benefits of the last few months hard training and stuck with the group until lights split us in Sandy. A quick coffee and fruit toast was enjoyed at the Velvet Bar. Difficult points decision this week but my nomination is;

Joe  - 3 points for continuing to waffle on about Geelong...
The others I'll leave for Rutherglen allocation.

Good luck next week Wizz, 2:40 for sure ;-)

Around the Bay 18-10-09

Report in "Epic Rides"

Votes :

3. Joe - for not waiting (why should we be suprised)

2. Piffy - for getting dropped after 5kms

1. Supa - simply for appearing and not eating pizza in a taxi this time

1. The Corbett - for calling the ride 'easy'.

Weekend October 10

From the Captain :

An early start from Essendon with The Mayor, KY and The Captain heading to Kew Boulevard.
Pauly was meant to join but the Captain received the 6.10am text saying "Babies, who'd have'em!" A lack of sleep kept him home.
Greeting Brendo on the top of the road at the boathouse, the four set off for a crisp, fresh morning ride.
There was some concerns for Brendo early as he was getting us to check out "the talent" he saw earlier. When this rider flew by it was a fit young man. Hmmmm..... ok Brendo?
Then the morning ride was cut short with an incident that will be remembered and talked about for many years to come.
At the base of the Boulevard, Chandler Hwy end, KY and The Captain were turning around ahead of Russman and Brendo, when a loud, popping crash was heard. Brendo was on his back, on the road, struggling for breath and in enormous pain. He mustered enough energy to scream at the Mayor,"what'd you fuckin' do that for???"
Er, Brendo, it was you that was attempting the "mono" "wheelie", Russman was no where near you!
Apparently, Russman was showing his prowess at wheelies when Brendo tried to show his skill as well. This resulted in a full 90 degree flip, flat onto his back, popping a vertebrae, bruising his lungs and back! (The doctor later informed him of this).
There was some 15 minutes of concern as Brendo then went into shock with eyes rolling back, slight fitting and profuse cold sweating! Fuck!
After a period of time (and after photos were taken), Brendo thought himself right to drive home after the other team members took him back to his car, dismantled his bike, took off his shoes and made sure he was capable to drive with texts every 10 minutes until he was home.
The Captain, Mayor and KY then carefully proceeded to Lygon street to reflect on how lucky (and stupid!) Brendo was.
Great coffee and toast at the Food store, followed by an uneventful ride back to 3040.
Now we know that Brendo is okay, in hindsight, it was fucking funny!!
We still laugh at those photos! (see photo gallery)
Probably won't see Brendonovitch for a few weeks we reckon!!
3 votes. Brendan. Un fuckin' believable!
2 votes. Brendan. You have to give 'em to him!
1 vote. The Mayor. You encouraged him to attempt the wheelie in the first place!

Piffy and Supa joined the poons on Beach Road for some ATB training.

Stevie is getting over his skeletons at St Andrews and did Kinglake once again.

The Corbett did 110kms somewhere.

KY did 70% of the Otway ride in reverse on Sunday on The Corbett's instructions including a 10km climb amongst others. PAIN!

Macca - Brisbane to Gold Coast followed by swim with speedos.

Not sure of any other rides.


Weekend October 3 & 4

This was it :

Vista - Mordy, Joe - Carrum, Piffy & Supa - Frankston, Dave & Pauly - The Boulevard, Stevie - Kinglake and KY - Great Ocean Road.

Only Report from Piffy:

Ride Report Sat 3 Oct:
Piff & Supa only, ATB training ride from East Hawthorn to Port Melb to Franga & back
Southerly wind made the going slow on the way down & fast on the return. Very similar conditions to last year's ATB
Rode with the Grantlee & the Watercool crew (friends of Supa) on the return journey. These guys ride just like us, a thin guise of discipline then a free-for-all once past Mordy
Legs wasted with about 10km to go, pulled up OK on Sunday though
Next week: Mt Eliza return
3 points each



The Boulevard 26-9-09

Riders - Piffy, The Mayor, Brendonovitch, Joe, Wiz, Pauly & KY at The Boulevard

Notes - The return of single speeds - Piffy, Brendo, KY & Pauly on the fixed, Wiz's reply to 2 female runners who wanted to take us on "You had better be good",  Joe arriving singing The Cats theme song, Joe getting angry waiting for the others, Brendo and the runner's grey top, Pauly's knee not passing the test, Wiz and Joe's spat on Le Tour, KY talking meat with the waitress in Lygon Street, SAINTERS being yelled out upsetting Joe, Piffy wearing runners, The Mayor's Superman outfit, great toast (see pics), Joe telling an old man in Lygon St "Didn't see you out there"after he told us to do another 100kms, Joe also gave it to the Trek, Lance loving pedestrian who was simply looking out our bikes, Brendo picking the raisins out of the toast ala Vista, Joe's large explosion between his legs, Wiz not understanding single speeds, Brendo's tattooed arm warmers.

Votes :

3. Joe - supposedly was not nervous about the Cats in the GF but argued or got upset with everything else.

2. Brendo - for being on heat, again

1. Piffy - for continually blowing up because of lack of training (and for the shoes)

Mordy 19-9-09

From Stevie :

A fabulous outing on Saturday Sep 19 with fine weather and a brisk pace down to Mordy, leaving Moonee Ponds were Kev, Wizza, The Captain, and myself, with a no-show from Joe :-( . We ambled along the City Link track until reaching Beach Rd when the pace was slowly edged up after finding no one at Port Melbourne (come on guys 7:05am is not THAT early :-P ). When we reached St Kilda one of Paulies mates on a single speed came past us wearing trackies and a singlet, matched with a ghastly 2cm of crack showing  >:o . This insulting view meant the pace had to be increased so we could put some distance between ourselves and the man who shall remain single until he buys some lycra.

We eventually grabbed the back of a small pack and they set a cracking pace of 35-38km/h with a breeze at our backs that continued to get stronger as we neared Mordy. Dave hung on to Black Rock and then turned around "so that he could order the coffees at Velvet Bar". Whilst cruising through Beaumaris I noted the small writing on the back of the two lads leading, it read "if you can read this writing then get off my wheel and do a turn". We of course ignored this because everyone has our measure, until the final 3k's into Mordy that is when I decided up the pace in the search of a quick adrenalin rush resulting from the exultation of speed and muscle pain. When the speedo got to 55km/h the legs started to burn but the final lights were nearing and I briefly thought "no one could be on my wheel at this speed" that was when Beemer went rushing past leaving no opportunity to react. Nice work Kev.

The ride home was into a 30-40k headwind and we stuck together whilst gathering up a number of other riders who also took turns to lead. The jerseys again came in for some attention from those riding with us, including various weird and wonderful explanations of how to find our web site. Dave was near frozen when we got back to the Velvet Bar, apparently he found some form on the way back. We were also joined by Michelle who then actually rode with us =-O     back to Puckle Street for a second round of coffees. See attached photos for evidence and note the superb riding styles and expressions on display.


3   Joe      Unanimous group decision for not showing up when committed.
2   Wizz    For complaining about the Mordy stop not being long enough - harden up fella.
1   Kev      After saying the hip was playing up, and the groin was painful, still managing to hang onto my back wheel at 55km/h for the best part of 1.5km and then sprint past me :-D

C-nut Christmas Party details on the way shortly, lock down Saturday December 12 in your diaries. Games, competitions, and prizes for all comers. Venue: Princes Hill.


Stevie, Michelle & Wiz did us proud on the Gold Coast - see latest news

As for others, KY did some mid week Otway night riding, but Pauly did the most damage on his MTB :

Mordy 5-9-09

Oh Captain  - The horror

From The Captain :

"If we think we are tired or ill, it is only because we have done
something to unbalance the bodily conductivity of the universal electric current which motivates it."

A windy, windy morning greeted the riders at Club Young. Ky, Wizza, Stevie and the return of The Captain left Essendon with a hefty
tail wind that blew us down to Port Melbourne in no time where we picked up Piffy and Joe! Long lost Joey!The Captain had not ridden for 5 weeks but the false sense of fitness was had due to the tail wind. Ky and Joey did a splendid job out front, the whole way, resisting the temptation to "get on board" any faster groups that went past. Piffy and Stevie chatted away and Wizza was nowhere to be seen, not that he wasn't in the peleton, but rather he's now so fucking skinny that you can barely see him! The six finished together at Mordialloc, a rare feat, but an enjoyable 30kmh average speed was commendable, especially considering The Captains girth! Sustenance, (Wizz now weighs his), a drink and off we go back to the Velvet bar for coffee. Turning into Beach road WHACK!! the headwind! Still a group of eight left at the same time and the Cnutters drafted on board, much to the relief of The Captain. A steady 25kmh was accessable, but The Captain knew it wouldn't last.  He had befriended a helpful German rider who allowed him to draft behind him. Our German friend was most taken with the Cnut jerseys and was envious of the mates riding in a "team" each week. The Captain was waxing lyrical about how great it was, and how we all look after each other and then the Cnutters took off without The Captain! Yeh, great teamwork, again.......... Just out of Hampton, with The Captain puffing away behind his German domestique, Ky was circling the road ahead waiting for his leader. As we rode past, Ky sprints to the front with the Captain's German following KY! Captain on his own......again! Eventually coffee was had at the Velvet as Piffy had got there before everyone and ordered the necessary latte's. The Captain had to leave early as dental work beckoned so off he set by himself for the ride back to Essendon. Now, this is where the definition of
"Absolutely ROOTED" comes in. By Mt. Alexander road, the Captain was close to tears such was his huge girth and exhaustion. A 10 year old riding his BMX passed  the Captain on the hill doing 12kmh! Joey, Wizza and KY caught up to him in Moonee Ponds and Joey dragged the Captain home. Totally fucked. Totally. A real eye opener for the Captain, needs to do more riding before summer! Wiz is his new mentor! 10kg's to lose!
3. The Captain. For being too fat, too slow and too exhausted to speak. Work to be done.
2. Wizza.For being thin and smug and singing 'Calling all Angels' all morning! WTF?
1. KY. For coming back for the Captain and then taking off again one minute later. The point of coming to get him???

Special mention to Joey. Led the entire way down, didn't take off after other riders, great teamwork! Steve also.

Seems like The Captain was delusional and got most of this wrong. We will accept his state of mind, votes and report....this time.

Could be a new era of Team CNUT - let's praise the people that ride off and don't wait, and spray the people that wait and then ride at the same speed to assist. Wierd I would think.

Whittlesea 29-8-09

See 'Epic Rides" for report

Votes -

5. Pauly - for doing the council proud & for dropping his CEO within 5 minutes (great career move!)

4. Fletty - for not one piece of fruit cake & greasing up the BIC

3. The Corbett - for the final 15kms of hurt, was like sitting behind Stuey O'grady. He kept his head down and drove us all home.

2. Wiz - for riding his heart out, just to get to the football. Wore the skins all day, fair stench!

1. KY - this time last year he never thought he would ride again. Smashed the hills, took photos, talked the whole way and for letting carbon wheels upset him

Mordy 22-8-09

Last hit out before the SRAM (Stevie does not rate it) Whittlesea ride. Stevie, KY & Scott Cavendish headed out from Moonee Ponds and met Piffy in Port Melbourne.

Notes :

- Scotty turning up late and half cut ala The Mayor

- KY having no water, loose seat, then discovering he had a puncture and non peforming pump.

- Scotty taking on the flooded underpass but 'chickening out' a third of the way in and therefore had to step into the brown smelly water. Continual complaints of cold feet were heard on the ride.

- Pump had been stolen from Cafe Racer

- Pump had been stolen from Mordy cafe.

- Argument with Cafe owner in Mordy on Carlton's chances this year. Fairly heated between the owner and Carlton stalwarts Piffy and Cavendish.

- Stevie leading from the front almost the whole way. No gratitude from a particular poon on the way down. Gratitude from TFM quality on the way back. Stevie was a machine.

- Piffy gutsing it out hanging on all the way

- The old lady threatening to hose down KY's bike next to the cafe in Middle Park.

- Michelle scaring the crappa put of KY near the cafe. Once again Michelle did the hard yards and simply rode to the cafe.

- Scotty putting his foot into the brown flooded stuff AGAIN on the way back!

- Scotty for nearly closing the Mount Road Red Rooster for health reasons

Votes from Stevie :

Scott 3 points for attempting to traverse the lake across the path, then
stopping in the middle of it, getting his foot wet and then complaining
about how cold his foot was.

Steve 2 points because I know you want to give me points for pushing
everyone on the way home into the wind.

Michelle 1 point for turning up at the Cafe and not doing the whole ride.

and 1 point for Piffy for giving it to the cafe owner and giving it to the owner of the Mordy cafe.

Scotty loves the brown stuff.

More pics in photo gallery

The Dandenongs 15-8-09

Meeting place was at Piff Manor for the assault on the Dandenongs.

Riders : Wizza, KY, Pauly, The Corbett, Piffy and the captain for the day, Brendo.

Most of the major climbs were completed and some more even steeper.......with speed humps.

Notes from the ride :

- Weather was perfect for hill riding

- Corbett's 4 wheel 'green' driving skills up Piff Manor driveway

- Piffy's pumpkin after being worked over the night before by Hot Toddy (evidently many beers)

- Brendo's 'tough' attitude as captain

- Pauly and KY blowing away The Corbett on 1 in 20

- Corbett riding with his brakes on up 1 in 20

- Piffy's 'grey' face after riding 1 in 20

- Poon city on 1 in 20, including very hairy cyclists

- 'Alternative' climbs amusing Wiz

- Brendo's wheel stand passing Wiz on The Wall, only to be blown away by Wiz in the next 5 minutes

- No poons on the Wall except us and a couple of others

- The Corbett's angry reaction to being blown away on 1 in 20 by blowing away everyone on The Wall

- Piffy's even greyer face after The Wall

- KY explaining to Wiz there are no other hills after the Wall, not knowing Brendo was taking us to 'Sky High'

- Sky High - upset Wiz ($6.90 for 3 small pieces of dried toast), but there was a view Wiz

In summary, good but tough ride and we need to get out there more for some pleasurable pain.

Votes :

3. Brendo - for stepping up into captaincy with gusto and wheelstand antics

2. The Corbett - for using the old excuse 'brake' pads were rubbing (very well acted if it was an excuse)

1. Piffy - for having a dip after a huge night. Let us know next time you have a big one the night before and we will arrange a portable oxygen machine.

Wherever - August 8 & 9

 No team unison this weekend. Rides :

Brendo, Piffy & Supa - "I think the hills boys are up for some votes, this week. 50km's of hills in -.3 degrees. The Dandenongs were crisp on Saturday. All the cars parked near the top were iced over as Brendo, Supa & Piffy climbed their way to the Olinda from 3 different approaches. Spectacular views over cloud-filled valleys, alpine riding at its finest."  And Brendo wants us to ride there next weekend!

Pauly & Mitch going feral - "1.5 degrees and muddy at Woodend"

The Corbett - "Blackburn- Kinglake return non stop 3 hours 45 minutes. Absolutely rooted. I smashed it. No stops. Very early. Dark and very cold. The ride from St Andrews to Kinglake is really eeire now. The only positive is you can see a lot more of the road on the descent. Other than that it's a sad place. Kinglake at the top is unchanged except for the petrol station has gone. "

Wiz, The Mayor & Pina (Report from The Mayor) - Cold -- dam cold Saturday am as the legendary three riders took off from Moonee Ponds to Kew.Pinna, Wizza and Myself. Wizza feeling a little out of sorts after quoffing half a bag of snakes, a cheese sandwich and apparently half a cow the day before. This all got the better of him half way thru the first lap of the BLVD and the public toilets will never be the same again after his purge from all holes. 3 Votes for that and for wearing the brightest yellow top I have ever seen. No need for sunshine. Wiz was there! Pinna and I had NO feeling whatsoever left in our feet and thought that Wizzas race off to the toilets would put us in good stead for an early  coffee.... That was not to be. Wizza arrived back on scene 3 pounds lighter and ready to go 2 more laps and up that flaming sh!tty hill to end it all on a good note!!!   If I could give him 3 more votes I would!! A coffee or two in Lygon street where feeling came back to us. 2 Votes for Pinna for singing happy birthday to his girlfriend in SA whilst we were trying to have coffee. I had to join him for support of course so I get no votes for being a good bloke! Stopped by Stevies and Michelles new place. Scared the life out of some lady there Stevie/ Michelle. I think she took one look at my massive great bulge in those tight lycra pants and fainted. Sorry about that..1 Vote for Paulie who was going past at the same time. Thats because you could have riden we say!!!  Anyway, Stevie/Michelle werent there and the dogs were trying to get out and Roger Wizzas legs so we headed home enjoying the sunshine some more. Great ride, though cold.. but I suggest the Dandenongs will be colder and its a shame I will be in the Gold Coast for that!

The Captain - at the Royal Mail Hotel in Dunkeld. Spent $542 plus tip on a counter meal. Very expensive chicken parma with cloudy filth in anyone's language!

KY - 80 kms Great Ocean Road. Thought it was easy until turning around at Mt Defiance into the wind. The hurt was on.

Joe - waiting for his report on how the speedos performed at the Sydney to Surf.

Others - clueless

No photos this week unless someone sends something

Mordy 1-8-09

KY, Stevie, The Mayor and new rider "Pina" joined The Corbett and thelong lost Supa at Port Melbourne

- uneventful ride to Mordy with some strong rider leading all the way

- The Mayor was carrying a massive hangover and a spew was on the cards.

- Pina tested the waters early by taking off but in true CNUT tradition, none followed. Did mention on the ride this could be the easiest ride ever, however, that was before the turn into the wind.

- The Mayor could not stop talking about a particular female rider who was simply "having a crack".

- Into to the wind from Mordy and we were thinking it was Stevie going to pull as back but it was the strongman Corbett back in form disintergrating the group.

- Stevie and The Corbett swapped as we split into 2 groups only to find Supa and others pass at speed riding with the Hawthorn CC. Intelligent riding yes, but Supa still blew up!

- The Corbett got angry with the Hawthorn poons (settle down as they were not the football club) and we witness a nice crash. Everyone was trying to help but JUST GET OFF THE F...N ROAD so there is less possibility of another crash!

- Back to Stevie's choice "Honey Cafe" in South Melbourne. The Mayor looked like he was ready to keel over but toughed it out.

- Overall, a good hard ride.

Votes :

3. The Mayor - fueled by alcohol but starred on the road.

2. Supa - for smart riding

1. The Corbett - angriest rider on Beach Road

The Mayor - a spent force!

Chase the Sun 2 - July 26

Team CNUT goes Feral Part 2 - Chase the Sun 26 July 09 - Report from "The Corbett"

 I know I did say I’d never do another MTB enduro. I know I said I was in some of the most unusual pain in my life, but enthused and slightly groggy from the Tour De Lager 3 I entered the Chase The Sun round three. The thing I didn’t realise was that that this race was over the Commonwealth Games Course. Great.

 A crisp July Sunday greeted the riders of Team CNUT at Lysterfield Park. After an initial survey of the area CNUT HQ was set up in a clearing about 200 meters from the start finish line. The $15 Pop up tent I bought a few years ago was finally getting a run and did me proud. It even managed to get a nice young lady to come and help me set it up as she could see I was an incompetent goose. Once set up with Bike, tent, esky (no beer, just water, Gatorade, Gel, Muesli Bars) and camp chair, Pauly made his arrival and plonked his bike, esky and plastic container of stuff down.

 A couple of lessons from last time I acted on. I kept the number of night before race beers to 3. I went out and rode around for 20 minutes to warm up. So far so good.

 Next lesson was not to go out too hard too early. Keep the heart rate down.

 Pauly and myself went down to the start briefing and prepared for the start loop. A quick out-and-back loop through who-knows-where saw the field thin out and racing commence. Heart rate already 170.

 Out onto the course and managed to keep Pauly in my sights for the first lap. He was yelling stuff at me on the switchback climb towards the end of the first lap but my ears had filled with sweat and my eyes were soaked in tears that who knows what he said. From the top of the climb the decent is fast and lots of big jumps for the skilled and brave or plenty of opportunity for brown pants moments for riders like me. I managed to survive the descent and even went through the fast bermed corners without crashing. Nice. I made it to the end of the lap feeling better than expected. A blistering lap (for us anyway, 50 odd minutes for the nutters, mid 30s for the Pros).

 A quick bite to eat. Something to drink. New water bottle onto bike and back out for another quick lap.

 Back for lap three start. New bottle. More to drink. Feed. Out again. Pauly and I still going strong. Pauly held back for the start of lap 3 to eat a can of rice cream and was having a coughing fit. I thought I’d get out of there incase things got ugly so I rode off.

 Lap 4 -  and into the fourth hour. Clothes drenched in sweat. I stink. I’m even annoying myself. Starting to fatigue. Need to walk up one of the climbs due to realising that walking was quicker than riding in 1st gear. Around the track again with some high speed out of control descending, massive jumps and yelling at trees for no reason. Nearly punched some young punk pro in the head for overtaking me on the final high speed corner and scaring the shit out of me. Only problem was I couldn’t catch him until the finish line and by then I couldn’t move my arms. Back to CNUT HQ for a rest.

 No sight of Pauly so I took my time. I decided to get changed into some clean gear so got into the tent. Gear off except for socks and shoes. Massive cramp trying to put new knicks on. Rolling around in the nude in a tent making all kinds of odd noise. No fun. Cramps gone, new clean kit. Good feed. Back on bike for lap 5.

 Lap 5 – welcome to cramp city. Lap was painful for the first half. I had to get off and stretch a couple of times and walked up the first real climb. At the half way point the litre of Gatorade had finally kicked in and the cramps were going away. Now just sore arms and hands. For some reason the climbs just got steeper on this lap and the rocks got bigger. I pressed on bravely. Managed to complete the lap and felt ok. Back to base camp. I noticed Pauly’s bike and a fully dressed Pauly. His H1N1 episode had taken its toll and he had wisely stopped. I felt good and wanted to go back out again for lap 6. I rode 10 meters to the first corner and then decided that I think I’ve had enough. Back to Team CNUT HQ. Changed in the tent. Everything packed up and on my way home.

 Managed to see a few clowns in My Mountain gear but did not give them a spray.

 Overall some reasonable training since last race and a better nutrition strategy seemed to work. Feel fine today except for slightly sore hands. Still considering the 7 hour in August or time to give up and focus on the tarmac.

 There is talk of forming Team CNUT (or multiples) for the next session. It’s easier as a team so get on it.

Nice work Pauly & The Corbett - 3 votes each for the MTB mayhem

See "MTB Skanks" for a couple more pics


25-7-09 Mordy

- KY, The Mayor, The Captain, Stevie & Wizza from Moonee Ponds. Piffy & Brendo from Port Melbourne.

- The Captain and Wizza continue their rant from the prior week. Something about playing above your weight and lunch cutting. Also further discussion on wine tasting.

- Suprising to see Piffy considering Blues were absolute shite the night before. Not suprising to see Stevie considering it was the Pies who did the shatting on.

- Brendo threatened to bring the refurbed single speed, but no, took the soft option.

- Howling wind behind us on the way to Mordy, all together until the sprint. Brendo continually chasing some quality that regularly passed our group.

- Stevie wins sprint followed by The Mayor who was in fine form (must be training on his own or back to his pre ride routine(beer))

- Back into headwind with Stevie taking control, ignoring his potentially high heart rate.

- Hell ride passes with wankers shouting out. Nearly clipped KY's wheel as they passed. Their favourite song "We can be heroes, just for one day" by David Bowie. Must have been Saturday!

- Group splits because of strongman Stevie, skinny Wizza now able to keep up on his hill before Black Rock. Wizza now in good form vocally and physically. Improved fitness now means Wizza can voice his opinions more frequently without gasping for air!

- The Captain goes on with his usual rant.. and ignored by all. Was told to simply sniff pepper instead of swilling red wine.

- Confusion over which cafe as Piffy's choice not acceptable. Back to our roots and donuts it was - served by some quality Polish women. Nepalm jam now replaced by something almost edible.

- Brendo was 'as toey as a roman sandal' once again. However, did not rate the Polish women! Scared!

- Stevie 'loses' $50 but finds it when he actually thinks about where he put it. He also fell in love with a dog that is taller than him.

- Beers consumed at Club Young by The Mayor, Wizza and KY to finish the ride.

Votes -

3. Stevie - for loving big dogs, destroying the group and for the panic over $50.

2. Piffy - for turning up despite his beloved Blues being shat on and choosing a dodgy cafe.

1. The Captain - for the rant on the ride and the sulking for not going to the Velvet Bar. Oh poo poo's Captain!

See photo gallery for pics.

Tour De Lager 3 18-7-09

See "Epic Rides" for report

Pauly's votes :

3. Wizza - for showing his true colours and living the dream. Knitted white socks, jumper and high shorts. Looking like he escaped from a retirement village in Queensland.

2. The Captain - for acting all kultured at the wine bar, then clearing a room full of harmless folk musicians by farting -  it stripped paint off the walls!

1. Youngy - for participating actively (drinking) in the TDL for 14 hours (hardman)

KY's votes :

3 - Wizza For the space cadet cycling gear, continuous ranting, skulling of wine & ball playing skills

2 - The Captain For loss of memory, dodgy text messages, impersonation of someone who knows about wine (buying loads of wine does not qualify you as an expert), leaving bags behind with cash in it, high quality farting & for high eyebrows in almost every photo

2 - The Corbett For shirt antics, dancing shows & pave riding

2 - Pauly For power output, fixed riding, befriending Franky, using KY's jacket when it was needed & New Zealand

2 - Piffy For bogun burgers, loud music & no mystery women

2 - Grinderman For Cadel Evans

2 - Hot Toddy For virgin CNUT ride, big shouts, wine shots and earning the right to be part of our team

1 - KY For poor navigation, putting back the recovery of the hip 6 months due to the wind trainer & nearly crashing at 2 am

Note votes are not added - Wizza with that get up would get 3 from everyone!



The Boulevard 11-7-09

 Questions and answers :

1. Have we been up late every night watching Le Tour? Yes

2. Have we been watching The Ashes Test until stumps to get a glimpse of Freddy's arrogant drunken behaviour? Yes

3. Have we been watching every game of SLAMBALL? Yes 

3. Have we all been on the cloudy and fruity stuff most nights? Yes

4. Has the weather been ordinary? Yes, but rideable, check the photos

5. Are these excuses for not getting out on the Gucci machines we all own? NO

So next week for the Tour De Lager, GET OUT THERE YOU SOFT COCKS!

The Mayor, Wizza and KY all ventured out to The Boulevard. The Mayor did one lap as he had to race home and suit up for a wedding. Wizza and KY did cclose to 3 laps. All were somehow rooted from the week's activities. Wizza was a victim of the "Truth Serum", otherwise known as red wine and was carrying a massive headache. The Mayor made the call he was going to vomit and KY's arse was still sore after riding home from the football the night before with a loose seat.  (Some turd tried to steal it so it was stand up all the way home, except when he forgot to stand up).

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for being in fine form, uncatchable on the hills and for holding back the spew.

2. Wizza - for getting on the Truth Serum at the Casino and calling the cards on the Black Jack table. Security had to be called after he abused the dealer and for calling "give the Queen a Queen" to one of the male players

1. KY - because he turned up, rode, took photos, greeted other cyclists and drank coffee

Yeah, the weather was crap - not! See more pics in the gallery



5-7-09 Wherever

KY - enjoyed the wind off the ocean and rain along the Great Ocean Road. Nothing to report except he witnessed a total blow up on the Airey's hill. Gave one of his Zulu cramp stop tablets to the rider. He got through and hopefully his body is functioning correctly.

Wizza - I braved the cold icy conditions on my own on Sunday rode from Essendon to Black Rock on my own in the rain. It was COLD but had fun

Others - waiting reports or lame excuses, if providing nothing get of your asses you lazy shits.

Joe's excuse - After a very heavy night at the footy on Friday night I decided to stay in the cot. Soft but necessary...there's always next week.

Stevie's excuse - Wizz you're a nutter and I'm highly skeptical about the "had fun" statement. I spent 3 hours driving a jack-hammer removing tiles on Sunday to compensate for the lack of riding, fingers don't work properly any more, and now wished I went riding. In the cold icy rain....

27-6-09 The Black Rock Crock

The return of Macka

"Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride."
So quotes John F. Kennedy.
This is true when the team rides as one, but when others are forgotten, the ride is less enjoyable.
A less cold, but crisp morning greeted the Essendonians with The Mayor, The Captain, Joey, Wizza, KY and Vista making a return.
Pauly is picked up at the bike track and The Corbett and the long lost Macca at Port Melbourne.
The nine head off to Black Rock as a shorter ride was in order as Joey and The Captain had to be back a little earlier than usual.
Youngy would not stop whinging about the slackness of turning at Black Rock and was almost belligerent about how weak this ride was going to be.
If we heard "Why? Why? Why are we turning at Black Rock?" one more time he would have been pushed off the bike!
It doesn't make the ride not worthwhile simply because you cut 10km's off Kev!
Perhaps a lot of the crew don't believe this though, as all but The Mayor, The Captain, Wizza and Vista kept a steady 30kmh but the other four,led by Pauly, decided that team unity is a crock and decided to up the speed to 45-50kmh, leaving us in their wake! Great teamwork men!! Read the quotes from last weeks ride report!
Perhaps guilt set in, or perhaps they did remember the quotes and the team stuck together back to the Velvet bar.
Joey had to head off but the others stayed for great coffee and fruit toast. Youngy continued complaining, this time about the cafe: "Why do we come here? I don't see the attraction?" It's quite simple Kev. The coffee is great, the toast is good and we all get a seat. Sorry if it's not avant garde or bohemian enough for you but it's not all about you KY!
Macca almost earned himself votes at the cafe for what would have to have been the most tasteless joke of the year, but others just pipped him.
Vista picked out the "disgustin' apricots" from his toast and KY just sat there shaking his head about the shortened ride. Get over it Kev!!
Youngy HAD to do extra distance for the morning (why? do you self combust if you don't?????) and convinced all the riders to take the long way home to gain the extra k's.
No problem Kev, but as we were doing a comfortable clip of about 30kmh, you fly past with Pauly and leave the rest of us for dead! Great team player!
The irony of the morning ride was even though we turned at Black Rock and "made the ride crap" according to KY, by going the long way round we did a whole 3 km's less than we usually do!
Still an enjoyable morning ended up in glorious sunshine and life seemed great .And Kev, to quote the famous French philosopher and Nobel prize winner Albert Camus:
"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"
Think about that my friend......
3. Youngy. Stop complaining about petty issues and enjoy life. Please!
2. Vista. Picking out the apricots. It's like he's fucking 5 years old!
1. Pauly. Taking off at top speed again on the way down, encouraging others to follow. Great teamwork Pauly.
Piffy and Brendo rode up Bailey Hill. Clueless where that is.
A couple of votes for Piffy who blew up big time and for the fact that the swagger has now officially left his beloved Blues.
Stevie's ride :
Finished up doing a solo ride on Sunday morning after it was confirmed on Saturday morning that Michelle has "the PIG" and was quarantined with a batch of CSIROs finest Tamiflu (PS. It doesn't work!) Sunday morning was magnificent noting that I turned at Sandringham for a total hit out of 2 hours.Rumour has it that Lance Armstrong will win all of the time trials on a new Trek TT bike that has a drag coefficient less than Dave's farts.
Love to all from swine-land.



20-6-09 Mordy......again

The Corbett - don't mess with him!

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”
So quoted Henry Ford on the subject of team work, quite apt in reference to the ride on the cold June morning of the 20th.
The Essendon bunch consisting of The Captain, The Mayor, The Corbett, Wizza, Joey and KY, left Club Young and gained Scotty from My Mountain at the Moonee Ponds Junction.
The magnificent seven had an uneventful ride into Port Melbourne where they picked up Brendonavitch, Piffy and the long lost Supa.
The ten formed a good pack with The Captain and The Mayor out front leading a good clip of approximately 30kmh.
They relinquished the lead at Elwood, leaving the hardman Piffy and KY to up the pace.
Just before Hampton, on his first ride back to Mordy since his knee was operated on, The Captain blew up and lost the peloton.
Disappointing because Team Cnut prides itself on looking after it's members, yet alone The Captain was left.
However, two members who understand team unity waited, so full credit must be given to Wizza and The Mayor who allowed the fatigued Captain to draft in their wake to Mordialloc. Excellent work men!!
A quick motivational speech at the Mordy cafe and team unity was again understood, with the 10 Cnut riders leaving the Mordialloc cafe towards St.Kilda in a neat tight group.
Another rider on a copper Giant shot past the team at Ricketts point only to be brought back by the Cnutters due to TEAM UNITY!
(This rider has left a positive comment in "The Rant" under the pseudonym of "The Grasshopper, Simon)
The entire 10 riders kept together FOR THE FULL RIDE to the Velvet Bar cafe.  This, in the past, has been unheard of and it shows that if we work as a team all members can enjoy a big group ride without having to join others who may be travelling to fast for other members to maintain.
One rider was, however, not pulling his weight as he refused to take a stint out front. Votes.
Great coffee and fruit toast at the Velvet and much jocularity was had by all. The Captain had a knowing smile on his face as he remembered a quote by a great American football coach, Joe Paterno:
“When a team outgrows individual performance and learns team confidence, excellence becomes a reality.”
Reflect fellow riders and make the rides always this enjoyable.
3 votes, Supa. Do your share out front you lazy shit. (and for wearing that scarf!)
2 votes, Scotty (otherwise known as Cavendish). Make an effort to understand the voting system. Do you want votes or don't you?
1 vote, The Corbett. Having another baby!? Do you really have to take such steps to avoid early morning rides?? (However, Congratulations to you and Jo!)

See 2009 photos for some ordinary pics

19-6-09 The Quarry & The East

Pauly on his famed Bates fixie & KY on the resurrected Norco ventured out on a cold Friday night for some good food, ordinary beer and LOUD music. They caught up with fellow beer and music lovers, Tim & The Grining.

KY also caught up with an eye witness of last year's accident, Steve, at the Quarry. KY tried to buy him a slab for his medical assistance but instead bought him a few beers. He owes him more than that! Has been one year now and the ketamin has finally worn off! Not the drug of choice.

Should this be the norm when travelling out to functions? Yes, it should, as long as the beer intake is not out of control! However, at 1:00am it was freezing and by the time KY got home, the heart rate was high enough to keep him awake until 2:00am.

Not good preparation for the ride the next day but well worth it as The Fumes ROCKED! There was some early concern of the foursome actually getting into The East as there was nearly an eviction early as The Grining couldn't work out how pubs work in the northern suburbs. Common sense prevailed! We had it - they didn't! 

By the way, Pauly didn't ride Saturday morning after filling his, The Grining's, Tim's & KY's gullet full of the cloudy stuff. One vote for you Pauly!

Pauly is his natural habitat again - but over his side of town!

13-6-09 Mordy Run

Saturday Beach road report from Wiz :

Left Club Young on my own at 630am.  Parked outside Mayor's place. Only passage light on so I knew he would be in bed with his hand on his old fella.   Vista rang on friday night to say he didnt know if he was riding so I knew that was code for he isn't coming. So I set off with my little light in the Essendon darkness for my trip to Port Melbourne.

After my spray on Friday I was interested to see who had a back bone. Only two Piff, and 10 mins late Supa. Cnut note :  Steve, hope isn't wet or raining in Qld in September or all the money you spent on your Australian gear will be wasted.
We all took turns at the front on the way down the conditions weren't as bad as forcasted. No sign of George, maybe home singing his song  "Never Let a Day Go By".
Then arrived at Mordi with Piff the winner of the three man sprint, with ease.
Then after around 10 mins break the trip home. Lost Supa on the hill into Blackrock, he was GONE!
Piff and took the foot of the gas and Supa meet up with a good group that kept the speed at around 32-35 all the way back to St Kilda, where as Supa pulled his old trick :
1. Pay out on the bloke in front  (Wizza).
2. Go to the lead.
3. Blow up and finish miles off the back, well done Supa.
Stopped at Velvet Bar for stories and pay outs on people who didn't turn up.
3. Supa - for the blow ups and the story of how he had the most expensive dinner in history.
2. Piff - for winning the sprint.
1. Wizza -  for a great captains/coach effort, your position is under threat Dave!
Sunday Beach Road report from The Corbett :
I rode Sunday Morning. City to Mordi Return. Rode with some poons. Killed them all, especially the clown who is a Spin Class instructor and fancied himself as a rider. Stay out in front hard man, and when your shoulders start rocking the Corbett express will smash you.
1 vote for you Corbett for the angry pills
Others :
KY : Did it hard on The Great Ocean Road once again on Sunday (didn't see Bracksy this time Brendo)
Brendo : I got out for a Sunday ride, out to Cockatoo. Found us a brilliant hill climb. For the next Cnut hill assault.
Stevie : Fair excuse - just bought into Carlton, predicting wild xmas party there. Bring the golf clubs for an assault on Princess Park. Evidently has horse stables. A great place for The Capatin to sleep when he goes too hard on the vino.

Queen's Birthday 7-6-09

Everyone went there own way this weekend.

Some got off the arse and rode, some didn't because they have now conceded their ever increasing middle age girth is their 'look' for the remainder of their lives.

Those who rode :

1. Wizza - took on the Gold Coast in 23 degrees followed by a swim in his 'North' pool

2. Brendo & KY (and local knowledge expert, Ross) - rode an epic 100kms around the Great Ocean Road. Caught up with 'Bracksy" at Wye River. Bracksy - hoizontal stripes and lycra don't look great on middle aged men. Wye River Cafe - the best custard tarts in the Southern Hemisphere (don't compete with Paris though) Brendo toughed it out - a great ride.

3. The Corbett - revisited the horror scene from last week. Seems like he is turning into a skank.Two rides this weekend.Saturday – MTB at Lysterfield. Tried to shake the demons of last week and put in a quick lap. No crashes but did get lost once. Nandos chicken burger at Lysterfield on the way home.Sunday – more MTB madness with Pauly along the Yarra. Pauly brought out the new BMC and got it covered in mud. I trashed the Cannondale. Managed to crack it with the bike out the back of Templestowe and threw it into some trees. Worked out why it wasn’t changing gears well as I had snapped spokes on the rear wheel. Brilliant.Monday – Single Speed ride on the Giant. Got milk and bread and then back home. Hard core.

Votes :

3. The Corbett - for his David Millar impersonation of frisbeeing his mountain bike into the trees

2. Brendonovitch - for getting very angry on the Great Ocean Ride with himself.(Brendo, it was tough). On arriving at Wye River, Brendo states "there is that news reader" - no Brendo, it was the former premier of Victoria, Bracksy!

1. The Captain - instead of riding he stayed in the city (why bother wasting money on a hotel room when you live 6kms away?), getting absolutely maggotted (again..) and spending money on pokies. (he won $ but I think an intervention is required)

Ross & KY Mt Defiance

Chase the Sun - May 31 2009

Team C-Nut goes feral :

This is a real struggle to write as I cannot use my hands at the moment.

 Buoyed by the recent success of Team C-Nut on the Pave and a recent purchase of a MTB, I decided to do some MTB racing (I use the term loosely)

 Pauly and myself were guided into the VIP Solo rider car park and were able to set up our various camps and support equipment. In hindsight if I knew what I was getting myself into I might have packed up and gone home. 5 hours of solo riding around Lysterfield MTB circuit was going to be a challenge.

 All riders were mustered for a prologue section at the bottom of the dam wall with a 3 stage climb to the top, along the tarmac and back down before hitting the course proper. We managed to claw back a few places in the prologue but not much more. The first lap was madness with a conga line of riders for the majority of the circuit. Pauly was an honourable mentor and waited for me a couple of times on the first lap so we completed lap one in the same time.

 A quick food and drink stop in the VIP car park before heading out again. This time, all plans went out the window and it was each Cnut for themselves. Pauly put in a blistering lap while I just trundled along. I managed to smash into the same tree stump on lap 1 and 2 and smashed my knee on the handlebars.

 A quick regroup and fuel stop at the end of lap 2 and then back out again. I had my best lap of the day on lap 3 with a wonderful flowing lap (I managed to jump over things rather than try to smash through them) and was only caught by Paul just before the long fire trail back to the finish line. A longer fuel stop and the threat of cramps hung over the Nutters. Back out for lap four.

 I took off feeling tired but OK, My body was starting to ache and was cursing my decision not to spend the extra coin and buy a dual suspension MTB. At the end of the first half of this lap cramp started to set in and my hands were sore. Rode slower to keep leg cramp away. Managed to get back to the car park with about 30 minutes to spare before the time cut off. After fuel and water it was becoming apparent that while I still had the stamina to take on another lap, my body would be in all kinds of hurt. Pauly didn’t need any convincing to not go out again. In true Team CNUT style we went and had a coffee instead.

 Overall a great ride and well worth it. We managed to finish mid pack. The lead guys did 8 laps to our 4. Freaks.

 Today – can’t walk, sit, write or move suddenly, but still keen to do it again in August.

 Adrian "The Corbett" 

3 votes to both The Corbett & Pauly for barely surviving, and for having coffee instead of some CLOUDY FILTH (beer) after the ride

See Photo Gallery "MTB Skanks" for a couple more pics

The Boulevard 30-5-09

It was with much elation that many team members braved the chilly conditions at Kew boulevard to welcome the return of the Captain!
KY, Pauly, Piffy and Brendonavitch on their singlespeeds and The Captain,  Mitch, Wizza and also the returning Mayor on their roadbikes.
The call was made for two laps of the boulevard and the singlespeeders did it with ease whilst the Captain, Mayor and Mitch struggled with their out of form riding. Mitch because he has been on the nest for the last two months and The Captain and Mayor because of their ever increasing girths!
Wizza was in good form but seems preoccupied at looking at all other riders wondering if one of them is George or Flemmo.
Relax Wiz, you are not being watched, or are you.........
The Captain and The Mayor decided to tackle Yarra street, not a good idea as both riders had been off the bike for the last three months so half way up The Captain got off and walked! The first time ever, but he knows his limitations with his new rebuilt knee. He still beat The Mayor up the hill though who looked as if he was track standing for most of the climb!
After meeting at the end point, the call was made for fruit toast and coffee at the Lygon street food store so all but Pauly headed into Carlton and enjoyed the breakfast.
A great ride and much credit needs to be given to Brendo's rebuilt Raleigh and the resurrected Piffy Jones bike, now a single speed!
The Captain, Mayor, Wizza and KY enjoyed a cleansing ale at Club Young before the ride home.
A most enjoyable comeback ride for the Captain.
Votes go to:
3. The Captain. Walking up Yarra street. Pissweak.
2. The Mayor. Riding up Yarra street but still taking longer than The Captain walking it to reach the roundabout!
1. Pauly. No coffee, no toast, no banter,  just "family commitments". Soft. Very soft.

Mordy 23-5-09

A fair crew on a perfect morning. Wiz, KY, Jason E, Stevie, Piffy, Brendonovitch, Justin and Supa commenced the ride from Port Melbourne with the standard barrage of payout greetings. Stevie was angry for the Moonee Ponds crew being late and Supa was paid out for wearing some sort of scarf. Many thought it was a fashion accessory from Milan but Stevie's comment was that he looks like a hobo. Fairly low key ride with the many poons with Zipp wheels (why oh why?). We turned back the clock as donuts and dodgy coffee were snorted in Acland Street. KY told the owner we are back and she replied "I can see that". Yes - she was correct.

Votes :

3. Stevie - for an all round performance. Spraying the crew early, giving it to Supa about his 'scarf'', winning the sprint into Mordy with ease (no one was interested) and killing the crew from Black Rock by leading from the front doing 40-45kmh all the way.

2. Macca - for riding past us and telling us to move over you c" "nts. We gave him a spray back and evidently his crew were shocked with this barrage. Their rule is not to get angry with other riders but with Macca in the group.............?

1. Brendonovitch - fair wandering eye all morning. Couldn't hide his excitement in Acland Street. (see pics) The salami was moving.

1. Supa - for the "scarf" 

Some photos in 2009 pics

Whatever 16-5-09

Not sure who rode this weekend.

Wiz rode to Mordy on his own.

Youngy took the soft option as the weather was ordinary along the coast and he didn't want to dirty the De Rosa.

Pauly - "I rode yesterday to Black Rock and back with Ewen and rode to work today. Sadly I am knackered."

Others? - clueless

Without any input, no votes so two words - G F.

Mordy 9-5-09

It was only Wizza and Youngy prepared to brave the wet conditions to Mordy.

Highlights? - apart from getting saturated not many but here they are :

- Some dickhead at Travencore nearly took Youngy out turning in front of him. Similar to the scene nearly a year ago in Lygon Street. This time Youngy didn't end up in St Vincents

- Getting a spray from a pedestrian after some cyclists went through a red light. It wasn't us you dickhead! Also accused us for laughing about it - Wiz asked "Are we laughing?" - he said no but others are! Confusing? Yes! The old bloke was a little rattled by now.

- Wiz again blowing up on 'his' hill

- The many female runners along Beach Road. High quality. Very few men, no complaints, but soft!

- Some American tourist telling us we were 'cute' while having coffees and then taking a photo for herself. Wiz's reply "It is a long time since anyone has told him he was 'cute'". Predicting it will be a long time before the next - although one of the pros in Vegas next year might make the same comment.

- The Hell's Kitchen coffee. Very good.

- Check the wheels spotted in Flinders Lane - see 2009 photos. Why would you bother?

- The wool worked to perfection. They were warm until we stopped but warmed once we started again. No excuse for not wearing them.

Votes : 1 each for the hard men who rode in very ordinary conditions. Also 1 each for Brendo (Arthur's Seat - reckons this was relatively easy!), Stevie (Sunday solo Beach Road, tried to explain what the jersey meant), and The Corbett (did one lap of the Beast from the East, non stop for 45 km of climbing and absolutely rooted).

See 2009 photos for a couple more pics

The Boulevard 2-5-09

A beautiful day - perfect to keep away from the testoserone of Beach Road.

The return of Piffy and Supa, and a suprise appearance of Grinderman. Also there was Wizza, Youngy, Pauly, Brendonovitch and The Corbett.

Fairly uneventful but there were a few explosions, particulary on Yarra Street. Wizza was heard to be continually complaining about the spray he received from George in "The Rant". His comments were "he knows me but I don't know him, I don't like it". Wiz, get over it.

Coffee at the boathouse watching people canoing in freezing temperatures. Intelligencia!

Wizza and Youngy also finished the ride with some magnificent coffee and cheesy toast at Ray's in Brunswick.

Not many laps but a few worthy vote catchers. Unless other information comes to hand here they are :

3. Brendo - for not holding back on comments to a female runner. Not saying what they were but you can imagine as she was high quality.

2. Piffy - back in form like his beloved Blues. Votes for not puncturing for once. The new wheels must have helped.

1. Supa - for not revealing the Kit Kat strike rate on his overseas trip.

1. Mitch - for once again choosing to take on the nest rather than ride. 

Also 1. Scott from My Mountain - after promising to ride, he went on a binge drink the night before, including tequila, went to bed at 11:30pm and couldn't make it. The Mayor would be horrified!

See pics in "Poons of CNUT" (go to the end)


"The Return of The Piffster"

Anzac Day April 25

It was the big match up before the ball bounced - The former Bombers reserves champ (Wizza) versus the one eyed Pies man (Stevie)!

Report from Stevie :

Just two cnuts on the Anzac morning - Wizza and myself embracing a near perfect morning for cycling. A cool 18C with a moderate north westerly blowing which made for a speedy trip down to Mordy having joined with a small bunch of 10 or so riders of similar standard. The banter revolved around all things triathlon, with Wizza and myself both heading to the Gold Coast in September for the Triathlon World Champs and comparing notes on the finer points of the ridiculously difficult sport of swimming. The hills after Black Rock tower saw Wizza's heart rate increase and the conversation stop to allow focus on sticking in the bunch to finally arrive at the new Cafe De Tour. Following a short break it was back on the bikes to tackle the wind and Wiz clung to my back wheel until the second hill in Beamauris, where we agreed to separate and meet at Velvet Bar. An uneventful return followed by coffees and fruit toast, then off to the MCG where Collingwood once again proved that money can't buy you love - or heart.

Wiz's view - lead the group all the way to Mordy, on return at Black Rock - ROOTED! Rode by myself all the way back to the cafe by myself, into the wind.

Only votes this week to the only 2 that rode (unless there is other info') - 3 each for the mid riff singlet wearing triathlon poons.


Melburn Roobaix April 18

"Understandably Ewen is not too keen on riding with the Team CNUT goons"

After glib excuses by fellow members  it was only Pauly, The Corbett, KY and new rider, the maker of fine steel frames, Ewen Gellie who joined forces to tackle the Melbourne Roobaix. Ewen had done it before and the rest were virgin Roobaix riders expecting an easy 30km social ride around the back streets of Melbourne. How wrong they were!

Ewen brought his Gellie steel stealth, Pauly the famed green Bates, the Corbett his KHS black bitch and KY his "bad kharma" postie for it's third outing since the Lygon Street pelvis reco'. The aim was to get to certain checkpoints in a condition where you could actually focus on writing the results.

It soon came apparent riding the Radcliffe Rubble alongside the train tracks in North Melbourne that this was not meant to be easy. Fun, yes but riding on loose steel rocks with thin tyres was nerve racking. Being the MTB guru himself, Pauly was charging on his fixie and Ewen was floating his way. Around Kensington it was the first ride through the laneways of Melbourne "Get McCraken!". This area brought back a few memories for KY of skeletons lost and won, and his famed old watering hole, The Bay View which had been turned into units by some greedy developer.

Technique was essential here and Ewen could not be stopped. We think he was on marketing mission to show his wares to all and sundry. Paul and The Corbett were just hammering the pedals while KY seemed like he was pedalling into the pave. KY did not make a great decision by not wearing gloves.

Ascot Vale had some steep laneways and lucky enough there were a few to push us up the hill. The jerseys gave these guys something to yell and Pauly's name was heard throughout the wedding ceremony at Ascot House. The L'Grind of Moultan burst our calves but it was the longer Koppenberg behind The Captain's tooth workshop which put the finishing touches on us old blokes. Pauly was now desperate for food and Nando's it was. He was rooted! Not a strategic move as the hour spent at Nando's meant that we were now well behind our nemesis the 'beer bike' and everyone else. The Captain joined us for the feast and then tried to run us off the road with his sex mobile.

Through to the feral streets of Northcote, climbing the Col D'Ugly, and we finished at the Brunswick velodrome where some warm beers were consumed. Adrian stepped in some steaming dog poo and stunk the rest of the day.

The Lomond hosted the after ride festivities and the trophy was somehow won by KY who just went there for a couple of beers. It must be said that this was just luck of the draw but was gracefully accepted. A mixture of cloudy filth and draught was consumed and by the end The Corbett and KY were well maggotted. With only a few CNUTs riding they had to keep the tradition of drinking to oblivion going. After listening to the band play extended versions  "Cotton Eye Joe" non stop, the maggotted 2 rode off to the station. Both were severely reprimanded on arrival at home. Who cared when the team now holds the famed Pave trophy.

Votes :

3. KY - for somehow winning! Probably one of the worst riders out there but hopefully received some respect for celebrating.

2. The Corbett - for leaving his helmet at the station, wearing a full bib and brace, for once actually paying for a cycling event, stinking all night from dog poo and copping it big time from Jo on his arrival home.

2. Pauly - for underestimating the ride but loving every moment of it. He was absolutely gorn in Ascot Vale.

1. Ewen - for trashing his beautiful bike and only telling us later it was a mate's. Nice work.

 Next year the rest of the crew need to do this as it is a great event. Well organised and everyone was in a jovial mood. Very different to riding with those angry poons on Beach Road. 

Photos - see "Photo Gallery" 

We are on TV!

Not this though

This is good

Also more info' on

Easter Weekend

 Very quiet weekend for riding but a few noteworthy vote catchers.

Pauly & KY did 3 laps of the Boulevard Good Friday. Nothing exciting except the rack from paradise at the cafe in Brunswick. She knew it, we knew it and everybody was happy. If she was a member she would have polled votes.

Also a nomination for the Drive By Truckers guitarist who, as someone requested a song, told them " I didn't come all this way to play what you wanna fuckin' hear!" Also nominated is Booker T - where was Green Onions? We might have missed the first tune though. Pauly, KY and The Grining had a good night out in St Kilda although Grining could not find an open pub late that night. We already had enough cloudy soapy filth anyway. Also had no money after being screwed by The Espy, The Prince and then The George.

A couple of nominations from the Great Ocean Road. (i) For the harley rider going past KY on that hill past Lorne playing "Summer of '69" VERY LOUD! What the......? (ii) For the cafe in Lorne charging $4 a coffee - also served with flies. Never again.

Brendo and Piffy did Donna Buang again and Brendo nominated himself  for votes explaining he has now done Donna 4 times. That is a marriage!

Voting for weekend :

2. Pauly - for fine placement of the coffee cup.

2. Brendo - for self nomination

2. Piffy - for finally not puncturing on a ride.

Spot Pauly in his natural habitat at the post Drive By Truckers festivities

Booker T & DBT - The tune they DIDN'T PLAY! :

Black Rock 4-4-09

Only a few got out of bed for the post Otway ride. Fair enough but next time don't make any promises!

Joe started early on the road to Mordy and no doubt rode with some crew with an abundance of testoserone. Wiz, KY and Justin headed to Black Rock for a short amount of pain. Nothing spectacular except for again some jersey notoriety. Evidently they look like the Brunswick Cycling Club's 70s jersey.

Votes :

3. Not sure if anyone remembers that we had a rider with us last April, Steve who commented then that we were a good crew to ride with, when injured. Pauly threatened to teach him a lesson and he has not ridden with us again. Anyway,as we were riding past Cafe Racer a rider in full St Kilda CC garb pulled out directly in front of us and we had to swerve into traffic. It was Steve.

2. Wiz - exploded twice after the turn at Black Rock. That 'hill' got him again. Also for the fact he needs a fart filter in his knicks.

1. Justin - because he uses tri-bars and doesn't do triathlons. Enough said!

The Otway Classic 28-3-09

See "Epic Rides" for report

The Boulevard 21-3-09

Well, it was one last crack before the Otway Classic 28-3-09 along the Boulevard. The thinking was that there was only going to be a small crew but the rebel ride in the Dandenongs failed to eventuate. Vista, Wokka, Pauly, KY, The Mayor and later from his Hong Kong mattress Joe. The Corbett and Brendonovitch surfaced for some hurt up Yarra Street and some other back road behind that dodgy private school. Coffees were enjoyed at the convent. A couple of bike racks were there wearing jeans.

Votes from Pauly :

3 Vista for not getting to the summit first time on Yarra Street and dismounting. However he did get upYarra street on the second go on his bike geared for salt flat racing. Also votes includes his comments on the convent "What the f### is this place?"
2. Joe - for getting a puncture, changing the tube but realising that was a rooted one from before, using KY's pump but saying it does fuck all (somehow the tyre was inflating Joe) and then cracking the sads because no one waited.
3. me for being good looking nah - Brendo because he is wrong but we love him 

The Boulevard 14-3-09

Some numbers this week and it was the Boulevard as those doing the Otway ride March 28 ar absolutely pooing their pants.

The crew was KY, The Mayor, Jason Ellis, Wizza, Pauly, Brendonovitch, Macka, The Archer, The Chiro and new rider, Scott from My Mountain.

The ride opened up with Macka giving the rest a spray for being 5 minutes late and then saying "I'm gonna smash you all". Fair enough, but then The Archer turned up and I think it was Macka who got smashed trying to keep up. The Archer suggested a small detour which everyone agreed except for a few who decided it was best to stick with what they knew.

The Chiro couldn't talk, the Mayor had the "I'm gonna kill this" look, Macka was just angry, The Archer laughed as he slowly put the nail into everyone's coffin, Wiz needed 4 litres of water to cover the amount of sweat he was losing, Pauly seemed like he was riding with ease (as always except for the Otways on his MTB), Jason E was hitting some form turning up on time, KY was rooted, Brendonovitch doing his standard move by taking off at the bottom of the hills and nearly blowing up top and Scott showed that he can certainly ride nice bikes, when they're not his!

The ride was finished with some dodgy bagels in Fitzroy and getting swamped by the downpour.

Votes were :

3. The Archer - for smashing everyone, suggesting new route designed to hurt and for riding with us for approximately 2 minutes

2. Macka - for taking out the fact he had a bender the night before on the crew by continuously paying out

1. Brendonovitch - for making Macka shit himself by taking his new top of the range Colnago for a ride.

Much later in the day KY witnessed The Captain morph into a Japanese Samarai after one sake bomb and 30 sake shots. The result :-

Mordy 7-3-09

Uneventful morning with Wiz, KY, The Chiro and would you believe Jason Ellis. Probably the easiest ride ever to Mordy. The rest of the crew were somehow enjoying the long weekend.

Only note worth mentioning is that the group we were riding in asked where the rest of the CNUT crew were. Those woollen jerseys are getting recognition. Pellegrinis was the only highlight.

Votes :

3. Jason Ellis - for asking a high quality fellow female rider "how are you" and when she asked the question Jason went on some spiel about the Mt Buller ride. Jason - It's not all about you!

2. The Chiro - gave some lame excuse and turned around at Sandringham

1. Wiz - for making an effort to talk to his girlfriend at Pellegrinis. According to him she has beautiful skin but Wiz, she must be all of 65 years old!

Mt Buller 1-3-09

See "Epic Rides" for report

Mordy 28-2-09

From The Corbett :

 A small and enthusiastic crew took on the poons of Beach Road. Mitch made the early call to abandon as he had been on the shandies and was a decent chance to wear the white shorts and “play away from home” on Friday night. Adrian, Macca and Russ all compared lager consumption levels from the previous night with Russ a winner by 12 Oysters. An uneventful ride.


 3 – Macca. For making it.

2 – Russ – for making it home against the odds (at least I think he did)

1 – Adrian – because I said so.

From Macka :

Lads, some of you don't even know me as my Cnut participation has been erratic to say the least.  I had the pleasure of riding with Adrian and the Mayor on Saturday.  I am tipping McNabb is 6 solid weeks away from fine form, he has a heart bigger than Phar Lap and as long as he limits his beer consumption to a lazy Dozen and his chemical consumption to somewhere around zero I will make the call that he is Back!
He held the wheel at 30+ for the morning and sure as it got a bit vertical he did start panting like a kiddie fiddler in a playground, he stuck though and that is the main thing. Adrian is strong and boring as ever just keeps tapping it out!
I was my usual calm self only swearing at 3 cyclists who were performing usual beach road Gumby riding techniques, this is obviously well and truly under par!
From The Mayor :
We road the black stuff as if it was our last ride on her wild flanks, mounds and crevasses. She whispered to us, first from the East, then the North, then the south. The hussy called weather couldn't make up her mind which way she wanted to Blow us..... ........................... I will leave you with that thought for a tick...... 

Otway Oddessey 21-2-09

See Epic Rides for report and voting

Mordy 21-2-09

From Brendonovitch :

Wizz. 3 votes. For failure to remember which tube had the puncture, even though it had just been pulled out of the tyre.

Paulie. 2 votes. For being so hard arse, that he broke the mountain bike.

Joe 1 vote. For joining us for all me ten minutes. Gorn is the word that comes to mind.

The Hills 14-2-09

From Mitch :

The Mountain Men won out in the fierce email war that was Friday the 13th. The threat of the 'wall' and being joined by Archie saw numbers dwindle and the starting line up was limited to just four: Piff, Brendonavich, Mitch and Archie. Apparently Corbett was on the lagers the previous evening and Super was shacked up with a sheila.

We took off from Piff Manor and wound our way up to Olinda. Archie disappeared at he first corner and we only saw him every time he reached an intersection and didn't know which way to go. Olinda to Belgrave and out to Wellington Road where we mixed it with bogans and rednecks (obviously bikes and lycra isn't their style). It's a real classy urban fringe out here.

The smoke from the nearby bushfires provide a challenge for the lungs and the morning warmed up as be passed through Clematis, Belgrave and Monbulk. Coffee and donuts before the outright assault on the wall.

Archie was gone, Mitch took off in pursuit, Brendonavich paced himself and Piffy choked (on the smoke that is). A nice decent down from Olinda back to the Manor and ride was over for another week.

Points (to be confirmed)

3 Points - To the bloke on the Felt mountain bike who passed Archie going up hill just out of Sassafras. Nice work mate and good luck in the Otway Odyssey next week. Archie will be out to smash you if he sees you.

2 Points - To Piffy for believing that he is in any form of physical shape to be tackling Mt Buller in two weeks time

1 Point - To Archie for not hurting us as much as he really could have.

AND..............from Brendonovitch :

It was a smokie saturday. I left from Olinda, promptly getting a flat. Fixed that and got my arse to piff's to join archie, mitch and piff. The ascent to olinda always sux,archie winning with ease followed by mitch, brendo then piff (which would become some what of a standard for the day). The one interesting part of the ride was when, archie got overtaken by a mountain biker, up a short climb.

we continued on through belgrave and cardinia. Where piff and i came upon two riders with a break down. It was mitch, with the second flat for the day.

off too emerald, then across to monbulk. Where the blasphemous archie said no to the manditory coffee stop. So we got hot coffee and doughnuts.

up the wall to olinda. Where i left the boys, to continue on to montrose.


archie: 3, for being too strong, and doing the ride solo.

mitch: 2, for getting a talk on premature chain wear.

Supa: 1, for failure to ride, due to furry magnet obligations.

AND...........From KY :

Votes to the chicks serving and dancing at Cafe Racer.........yes, Cafe Racer. Fair quality.

and to all the poons on Beach Road with Zipp wheels.

and to the 2 poons seen drinking banana smoothies in South Melbourne.

The Boulevard 7-2-09

It was Joe, The Captain, Wizza, Pauly, The Corbett and KY who headed to the Boulevard on the hottest day on record in Melbourne.

With tradition, it was the hills that separated the group with the single speed twins Pauly and The Corbett who set the pace that others could not keep. The Captain kept explaining that he felt good as he thought we somehow needed to know. KY tested his dodgy hip on Yarra Street for the first time since his accident and it nearly disclocated towards the top. It was 33 C at 8:30 am so it was iced coffee at the Monastery in Collingwood. In this temperature beer needs to be consumed and it was Heinekens at CNUT headquarters in Brunswick.

Votes :

3. The Corbett -  for allegedly cracking it with Pauly on the single speed and then taking off.

2. The Captain - for not keeping up even though he felt 'good'.

1. Pauly - for exposing his breasts (see below)

Mordy 31-1-09

It was Mitch, Joe, Stevie, Macka and KY who headed to Mordy in perfect weather.

All of the riders did some hard yards out the front on the way down and the group turned out large. Some dickhead was taking on the group by riding well in front (30 metres) and then dropping back into the group wherever he thought. This was done every kilometre and suprisingly Macka did not lose his cool. Joe with the real tanned legs got bored and won the sprint easily..and after doing some hefty work.

The Captain's rant the week before was history as on the way back the five joined into a passing group doing 45 - 50 kmh. Just before Black Rock all hell broke loose as there was a massive crash probably taking 20 riders out. It is hard to believe but Stevie did not cause it and was not part of it! After the shock it was an easy ride back to Big Mouth in St Kilda for some very ordinary coffee.

Votes :

These could go to the dickheads in the group that caused the crash or the dickhead that threw the wet tennis ball that just missed Mitch.

Anyway, the votes are :

3. Stevie - for having nothing to do with that crash

2. Macka - for containing himseld by not giving that dickhead an almighty spray.

1. Joe - for his attempt to look like a pro. 

1. Mitch - for wearing the traditional jersey and doing it proud.


Mordy 24-1-09

From The Captain :
A gusty, blowing morning greeted riders on this Saturday morning. The Essendon crew of The Captain, Wizza, Vista, KY and The Mayor met up with Pauly and Justin on the route to Port Melbourne. Meeting The Corbett, Joelmeister, Piffy and Supa, we all were blown to Mordy at a very fast clip.
After refreshments at Mordy the call was made that due to the ferocious head wind and The Mayors ever increasing girth, we MUST all stick together in a pack to protect the less strong riders, including the out of form Captain. (Is he ever in form??)
It was agreed and the crew of 11 riders faced the wind to have coffees back at The Velvet.
After only 3 km's of pushing riding the selfishness of Pauly became evident as he broke away only to have Joel and Justin follow. The Captain ordered them back in line but a full scale mutiny was in order and Wizz and Vista followed!
This led to the Captain giving a blast which will be repeated again:
Wizz and Vista came crying like babies back into the Cnut group realising that the group that Pauly, Joel, et al was too strong for them. WELL DER!!!!!!!!!, THAT'S WHY WE DON'T FOLLOW EVERY FRICKIN' GROUP THAT GOES BY!!!!
Next time, stick with the riders that will look after you.
Coffees and a spray by the Captain finished what was a hard, but fun ride.
Special mention to KY, Supa, Piffy and The Mayor who kept in solidarity with The Captain.
This leads to votes.
3 votes Pauly, selfish riding.
2 votes Wizz, for thinking he can stick with the faster group. Er, no. No you cant.
1 vote Vista, see above comment to Wiz.

Mordy 17-1-09

From Brendo :

3 votes for steve b- for almost causing a six rider pile up, to stop for a orange light. then running the red.
2 votes for macca for being a pro-hoe, and taking jens voit out for drinks.
1vot for russ for riding only to elwood, then trying to claim it was sandringham.

Mordy 10-1-09


A big crew for the unveiling of Macka's new Gucci Colnago

From Pauly :

Macka 3 votes for ordering a 3/4 soy decaf latte

Stevie (2votes)and Macka for whining about the groups splitting on the way down then riding at 45 all the way home - splitting the group

1 Vista for keeping up (big effort)

29-12-08 Tour De Lager 2

See "Epic Rides" for full report


3 Points: The Corbett for making jaywalkers think twice

2 Points: Wizza for endlessly moaning about the MYSTERY women

1 Point: The MYSTERY WOMEN. Something tells me none of them will be there for the year-end vote count.

Other votes :

3 Points : Piffy - for actually bringing the MYSTERY women

3 Points : The Captain - for looking down the top of one of the MYSTERY women and telling her so. She left immediately!

20-12-08 Xmas Ride

The crew was Piffy, The Corbett, newly crowned Rider of 2008, Brendonovitch, Wiz, The Chiro, The Captain, The Mayor, Super, The McShanag and KY took on The Boulevard for one hard lap followed by a jaunt along the Yarra into the city. Hell's kitchen was paid a visit with differing opinions, The Corbett thought the coffee was good while Wiz did not rate it. Someone bought some donuts that looked good, but were at least a week old. Second stop was Lygon Street followed by a visit to Pauly's with Heineken. (see photo)

Votes :

3. Wiz - for the first stack of the year along the Yarra. Also for his statement that Joe has a women's arse. We all knew this and someone had to say it.

2. The Chiro - for actually getting off his bike up Yarra Street. Very un - CNUT like.

1. Supa - for again being clueless to where we were meeting


1. Joe - for cracking the la-la's near St Kevins when Piffy had a flat. He threatened to ride off!


6-12-08 Mordy

A small but enthusiastic crew this morning. Supa, Wizz, The Corbett and two new ring ins Joel and Warwick. A quick run to Mordi and then a nice high speed run back to Port Melbourne. Uneventfull ride and the usual high concentration of poons. All other cnuts offering glib and soft excuses. Most focused on collecting 3 week old duck eggs for next Saturday at McShanag Mannor.

Votes: Wizza 3, Supa 2, The Corbett 1.

29-11-08 Mordy

It was a fair woollen crew on some might say, less than epic ride to Mordy in windy conditions.

The crew were The Captain, KY, Wizza, Justin, The Chiro, Supa & Brendonovitch who braved the very average conditions. Notable absentees were Joe (installing barb wire pentridge style to his house for the upcoming party), Pauly (waiting in slips to catch his new bub),  The Corbett (still drinking bloody mary oyster shooters at 9am), Macka (averaging 55 kmh with his work mates) & The Mayor (returned from Perth on the red eye with red eyes).

Votes were as follows :

3. Brendonovitch - for showing no respect for the leaders who road all the way into the wind to Mordy by starting the sprint and giving them "the look". Also for not wearing the treasured pale green wool. One other thing - as one rider dropped of his group at Mordy Brendo yelled "Bang"! The rider turned around with his "look" and Brendo silently soiled his knicks.

2. Supa - for actually following Brendonovitch in the sprint. Also for giving Brendo a serve while he was on the front and causing his explosion.

1. The Chiro - while we were enjoying the nice Indian wangs at the cafe he actually complemented her on her set. Lucky it went over her head.

Special menttion to Pauly for the wool numbers which worked perfectly in the rain. We got saturated but we were still warm & fuzzy.

22-11-08 The Boulevard

KY, The Mayor and Pauly ventured out early under the dark skies of The Boulevard. CNUT attire was worn. A true sign of madness is when only 3 other riders were out there and 2 of them were wearing the famous fluro spray jackets. Pauly and The Mayor were the hard men giving KY a spray for wearing booties and using a mudguard. Their voices changed as their nappies could not take any more external and internal fluid. Not a good look but it was only the athletic schoolgirls who noticed their wet stripe.

Nearly 3 laps of the Boulevard (no Yarra Street as retro boy Pauly had the single speed and KY just can't do it anymore) and The Mayor was finished. The laughing hyena has returned as The Mayor, using his intertia skills, flew past scaring the crap out of Pauly. Coffees were had in Lygon Street with a mate of The Mayor's and at Pauly's local.

Votes :

3. The Mayor - for the return of the hyena and somehow making us miss the pelting rain by timing the ride for the bridge and coffee stops. The sun  always shines on Russ!

2. Pauly - for ordering a soy latte chai tea from his local but through Russman. Russman was totally embarressed. First it was some pickled entre in Rutherglen now some strange drink. He tried to say it was for Kate.

1. KY - for the booties and mudguard. Soft but intelligent.


15-11-08 Mordy & Single Speed Poon Ride

A split in the team sees the geared riders heading down to Mordy whilst the single speeders headed towards Kew.
The Captain on his beautiful rebuilt Raleigh, Pauly on the Bates and The Corbett on the Black Mother enjoyed the Boulevard, river trails, City squares, Santa's parade, landing  for coffee at Hells Kitchen and coffee at The Bagel house in Fitzroy.
A perfect ride on a perfect day on perfect bikes.
Gears = Crap.
The Russman has given votes for his Mordy crew from this long winded, nonsensical diatribe:
"Team CNUT was well represented  on our mass produced multi geared weapons on Sat am down to Mordialloc and back
Wizz, Vista, Stevie, Myself and a ring in Craig, who proved to be a very fit prick and I wont invite him again for showing me up, road
to the end of the line and  back to La Velvet. You may have seen a few crater holes on Beach road. They are mine!!
Long Live the Orbea whom proves itself once again to be a special piece of work carrying my large manliness there and back.   I love her. She is a Spanish original. Tears fall as I realise that they who count the coins believe it just to have her made in China now.... 
Though it wasn't pretty my friends, it was a joyful time ..... Although, there was that very large lady who passed me on Beach road..., I plucked the courage and strength to ride past her though and suggest she sat in my slip stream. Ha..  Yes  a bastard I may be  but she started it and she was larger than me! 
A vote for Vista for wearing the brightest Yellow Top in history.
A Vote for Stevie for stating the obvious that I had blown up and even predicted it 20 seconds before it happened. Bastard!
Other votes are in your hands readers
All hail the Mayor or so some wanker said at Mordialloc....."
Therefore the 3 votes must go to........
What the f#ck are you talking about????

Mt Donna Buang 8-11-08

The day started well everyone (Jason and Kyllie, Adrian, Paul, Brendo and Jason) was on time and we headed of on a balmy November morning. 5kms down the road, the call went out 'What's happened to Jason' we waited and we waited. Adrian finallty went back and found him - a mechanical (my speedo won't work) We headed off again towards the behemoth that is DB. Jason Archer cried 'sick' and was Director Sportiff in the metro wagon - eating 4n20 pies everytime we saw him. We hit the climb - there is no respite 17k's of 6% grade - it goes and goes. All made it to the top. some faster than others (all slow) some in better knick than others. It was colder than a nun's nancy, raining, 20metre visability and no coffee. Adrian and Paul had to wait in the dunny's while the Director and Kyllie went to check on condition of the sprinters. got caught nuding up by a 'fat bloke' in full poon kit. Brendo and Kyllie piked and put the white bike and the purple bike on top of the metro wagon. AC, Pauly and Jason braved the -10 windchill and took on the descent. I was so cold I could not hold the bike properly and kept getting the death wobbles. Jason passed me doing an easy 70 on wet roads strewn with debri - totally mental. Coffee and warmth at the bottom - never, ever again. But it was fun


Jason - 3 votes for the mechanical and being mental Jason A - 2 votes for the croissants at the summit 1- Brendo - for roofing the white bike

Great riding everyone


Also 1 vote for the excuses:

THE CAPTAIN Captain now out. (Sorry Brendo)! The thought of climbing a freezing mountain at 6kph for 18 kms= 3 hours of hill climb alone, does NOT do it for me.I also have the beggining of the Xmas work rush of people wanting teeth and will be going in to work to catch up. I'm sure you will all do the mountain without me much faster and I look forward to the votes that I will most certainly get. i.e Soft c*ck, husband? weak effort! etc. All perfectly justified, however I am simply too fat and unfit to achieve ANY semblance of enjoyment in climbing mountains. I look forward to our next non-mountain ride. You may now start the sprays.

STEVIE Seems there's a bug doing the rounds in Melbourne and it's my turn as well as Jason's

MACCA Brendo I was keen, believe it or not just arrived back from Bright where we did Towanga (spelling) Gap, 110km's with a couple of good climbs including MT beauty. We then did a 6 hr 65km descent of Mt Hotham on Mountain bikes. Which we were told was all down hill, except it starts with a massive climb, you descend to the valley floor only to wind 3/4 of the way back up another mountain to then descend and cross the river to climb up again. It was awesome and I recommend it. I also recommend sticking to our rule which was don’t get to close to the bloke in front, I was that bloke and when I changed track from the left to the right and my mate(behind me) had already decided that this was the lane he wanted took me out from behind.... I flew through the air and wondered "whatever happened to that rule?" After another 1.5hrs of peddling we got back, nothing broken but the gauge in my leg would not stop bleeding so eventually after about 10 different people at the Bright Brewery (recommended) told me I should get it checked I went to the hospital to get it cleaned (hurt) and glued. Another tip don't leave the bloody bike shoe in the plastic bag they gave you at hospital after 2 days it really stinks. (I digress). So no Mt Buffalo ascent yesterday, and now no Mt Donna this Saturday. This is the longest way of saying I am out from a guy who doesn't get out with you much anyway. Mountain biking, who needs it?

Anglesea 2-11-08

KY, Brendo and Jason headed out from Anglesea and took on the Great Ocean Road. Interesting ride with plenty of poons in full kit.

Votes :

3. Brendonovitch - for impersonating Wiz on the Gold Coast and saying hello to anything that moved along the way. He a a couple of Kiwi chicks in the palm of his hand and luckily they passed us with no brown eyes.

2. Jason - for causing a reverse tidal wave when he exploded after a toasted cheese sandwich after leaving Lorne - there was only another 30 kms of hills to go.

1. KY - for getting a spray from some chick at the Lorne cafe communal table. She questioned if I was doing the Otways ride and I said due to injury I would be doing the 60kms ride. She said she would meet me at the pub on the ladies table. Was also sprayed by other woman on the table for making excuses. Evidently the 30cm scar that was shown has no street cred. TWO WORDS!

Also 2 votes to Piffy who rang looking for everyone Saturday morning when he fully knew the webmaster was in Anglesea.

And..........3 votes to Macka for giving the feral nurses in Bright hospital grief after coming off because of his lack of skills on the MTB.

Mordy 25-10-08

Nearly a full crew

Joe's analysis :

3 votes to captain for mandating club jerseys & then wearing something else. A blasphemous act of treason!

2 votes to Wizz – the only one who didn’t give me a spray about my new shoes (for the records they are red & white just not plain gay white!)

1 vote for Stevie for winning the Mordi sprint after some serious drafting & not being seen at the front

 Pressure is now mounting as the awards date is set for 13/12. Who will be this years King of the Road?  Will Young pass on the batten or did he get enough points early in the season (before the spill) to go back to back. Probably like the Cats good early in the season but lacked credibility when it counts.

Also 3 votes Brendonovitch for leaving it to the last millisecond to miss a parked car at 40kmh - why? The perve factor.

Piff's view :

All I can remember was

- Joey's "rough rider" antics (especially the reaction to the white hot pants)

- About 11 of us at the cafe in Port Melb

KY's View

- 3 votes to Joe for his jockey impersonation behind the female rider wearing the tight high shorts.


Rutherglen 4-10-08

Thursday October 2

KY arrived post lunch after 3 hours on the lessons of life from The Captain and Mrs Captain.

The Corbett and family had already arrived with the Corbett still with the Hawks premiership hangover. In celebration on the flag his pants seemed to be coming off all weekend.

The Grining and family also arrived on Thursday so the Tasmanian contingent was in charge.

KY decided to head to the pub for the Dapto night while the rest enjoyed a bbq with a few beers. Well some had a few, the Captain turned up at the pub late off his NUT, absolutely MAGGOTTED and promptly fell asleep in the Poachers toilet after a well earned spew.

Votes for Thursday:

3. The Captain for his toilet antics

2. The Corbett for buying filthy beer for the sake of 2 hats

1. The Grining for arriving at the pub and then leaving early when he had a leave pass. Poor form

Friday October 3

No comment necessary but a few were nursing fair pumpkins

The Mayor turned up at the pub for a counter meal with kids and was thirsty.

Mitch arrived at Poachers and threw some very quick beers down.

Pauly also arrived and couldn't turn the clock back and enjoy some friday night mayhem with the locals.

Saturday October 4

The bike ride was on - weather was good and the wine better.

A big crew riding single speeds, fixies, carbon wonders, smelly old MTB's that dogs have taken a liking to, bikes with baby seats that had no babies and bikes that had no seats.

It was straight into the fortifieds at 10:15am. There were a few there for the tastings but in reality the rest were there to frog skull. Anything that did not taste well was skulled and we were lucky the BBq came at the right time. There were many a poon around and they looked tame compared to us. Especially when Pauly cracked it with a local farmer. He was just giving you a spray because of those red wheels. Post lunch it was Billy Chambers winery where the Corbett's intelligencia on wine served him well as he served behind the counter. With Mitch leading the way, the traditional walnut red shooters sucked every ounce of liquid out of the riders so it was back to Poachers for the amber stuff. (see photos for the mayhem).

A quick kip or whatever and we were ready for the restaurant and either everyone was tired or it was old age, as the behaviour was somehow sensible. Pauly order some sort of Zuchini flower (not a real fixie rider although the new length sideburns would suggest otherwise) and because of the rants of The Captain about the tastlesness of kangaroo meat, KY ordered something else. Meal was good and even after giving the babysitters permission to use the spa to it's potential, no jets were turned on. (We think) 

Votes for Saturday :

3. Pauly - for his abuse to the local farmers and his entree of Zuchini.

2. The Mayor - for failing to get organised and being part of the magic of getting smashed.

1. The Captain - for somehow getting sucked into a $94 bottle of vinegar.

1. Mitch - for somehow keeping the local women at bay.

It was a great weekend so next year hopefully the whole crew will turn up.

Also there were some votes for the Melbourne crew. 2 each to Brendo, Super and The Piff for riding the Dandenongs in the cold and fog while we were enjoying the sun.





Ride Report 27-9-08

From The Captain :

Huge crew for the first truly spring morning ride of 2008, Grand Final morning!
The Captain, Joey, Pauly, Russman, Piffy, Brendonovitch, Mitch, Supa, Wiz, Stevie, Justin, Wokka, The Chiro and the return of KY Gel after his horrific fall in June!
Beautiful, sunny conditions had all riders keeping together in a good solid bunch looking resplendent in the new woollen jerseys.( See photos soon).
The pace was consistent with the plan to ride to Mordy, except for KY who needed to turn at Black Rock due to recovery and ride fitness.
Approaching Black Rock, KY turns with Wiz and The Chiro for support, but who also turns?? The Mayor!
No trainer wars exercising all week and turns at Black Rock!  3 votes you softcock!
The rest of the crew heads to Mordy and whilst there gets the message that Wiz has hit the road, scaring up the new jersey! That earns him an additional 3 votes. For fuck's sake Wiz! Concentrate!!!
Back at the Velvet bar for coffee and toast and who arrives on her scooter but Michelle. Only rides to the cafe for coffee and on a motorised scooter at that!
2 votes you lazy tart!
 A special mention to new member Wokka. Stays with Wiz after the fall, then rides to Mordy to meet the rest of the crew, then turns immediately with no rest and rides back to Port Melbourne cafe bright red and SWEATING!
But, didn't miss a beat. The man is a machine! A worthy new Team Cnut member!
A special mention to Joe. Oh Joe, Joe, Joe.....
The Cats. A quietly confident Joe rode as strong as ever, being the first one back at the cafe from the second group who went to Mordy.
Didn't stay for coffee as he had to get to the MCG to see his beloved Geelong crush the Hawks in the Grand final..........
1 vote for Joey on wasting $200 on a ticket to the Grand Final.
Next week, Rutherglen....

Also 3 votes to THE CORBETT - for failing to get his kit off in Brunswick Street after his beloved Hawks win the flag


Voting September 2008

There has been a lack of voting in September and from the e-mails these are the votes :-


3. Pauly - for somehow thinking his accelerator was his brake pedal on his new MG and nearly writing the car off - in his backyard

3. Russman - for doing a hammy only to find out it was his leg rubbing on some attachment to his seatpost

3. Dave - for attempting to join the single speed set by buying a cheap bike from ebay, working 12 hours on the frame, only to find out the seatpost would not come out. Pauly and Dave subsequently destroyed the seatpost rendering the frame useless!

3. Dave - for buying another bike on ebay from the same seller, and telling him this one was for a mate!

3. Supa - for cracking the 'sads" over being left behind on the Kinglake ride. Thought you were a Giro hill specialist?

3. Joe - for leaving everyone behind on the Kinglake ride, organising a luncheon at the pub and not turning up

3. Brendo - for allowing a BMX rider to take us on and pass on St Kilda Road Sept 21

3. Wiz - for riding around on a cracked frame and being not too concerned about it.



Report 23-8-08

From The Captain :

A good crew to Mordy and back. Essendonians meeting at the path were The Captain, Joe, Pauly, Wiz and Vista.
Into Port Melbourne and a new rider, a mate of Wiz and Vista, Warwick (Wokka).We're looking for Supa who was sound asleep in his car. This is not a vote gaining act, except that he had the soul of Jason in him as he was still in his jeans, runners and t shirt and the bike in pieces in the boot of the car!
We all waited the 15 minutes while he got himself ready. Joe was NOT happy!
On the road and an even, pleasant trip to Mordy, all sticking together with Joey and Paul leading the group, virtually the whole way.
A short drink stop at Mordy and we turn to go but Wiz has a....puncture!
"I've never fixed a flat before!" exclaims poor Wiz, "but I have the special gas to pump the tyre back up!" He then begins to try and force the gas valve onto the flat rear tyre!
"Er, Wiz? Are you going to replace the tube first??"
"Don't have to! This fixes the puncture and inflates the tyre!" Wiz informs us just as Joey finds the large piece of glass sticking out of the rubber.
Er, Wiz, no. No it doesn't. Dick. 3 votes.
Wiz. Absolutely NFI. An easy choice.
Almost a vote to new man Wokka when he ran up the arse of a stationary cyclist and bit the road, but you can't get votes on your first ride. Stay tuned...
Back to a new cafe in Bay street where Vista tells us of the "best eggs ever". Eggs were good, but the large coffees were better. Still, Vista earned himself 1 vote for the lack of manners and bogan chastising of the poor waiter. Yes Vista, coffee is normally an extra cost when you buy a plate of eggs!
Oh, and 2 votes for Supa, for the touch of Jason in not being ready.
Until next week...........
Wiz, learn to fix a puncture!

The Goat 15-8-08 and More

As supplied by the Mayor :
Votes:     Piff, for remaining standing. We don't know how but he also pulled off the sober look when the bride turned up to collect him. Well done Piff. You are the man! (Also for not barking 10 litres of beer in the bag of the wagon)
              Adrian, for knowing way too many drinking spots and opening our eyes to the dark laneways of Melbourne. I shall forever be in your debt (Also for not taking the lift with Piffy's wife when it was available - then going home on the Night Rider)
              K.Y. For driving us, remaining sober, not complaining once
              Paulie for ooing and ahhing when any single speed cyclist went by. I am worried about you ( With all due respect!)
              Gaylord, for nicking a port glass from Ms Whatshername roof top bar.......With all due respect ...
              Russman for complaining about drinking coffee at Pelligrinis on a boozy night but recognising it is the place to be for rackage viewing.
So much more.... from barmen at the Goat getting way to close and excited about bikes with Adrian, some fair wangers out at Pellegrino's, yes wangers galore all over the place. Tossbag barmen..... I think we will get many miles from this night.
Must also give 3 votes to Wiz for his solo ride to Mordy in the cold and wet. He thought he would ride with a new crew but they did not turn up!
Almost forgot the antics of Joe who went to the football in Sydney - no doubt was absolutely smashed and he is following the trip rules ( what happens etc etc)

Kew Boulevard 2-8-08

Points for Saturday

A hardy few hit Kew B early Saturday morning. Joe and Paul found Brendon asleep in his car, the only sleep he has had for two weeks. The Captain rolled in 10 minutes later and we proceeded tp do 'the slowest lap ever of KB. Brendo and the Captain took shortcuts and chatted like a air of grannies on cruising the Yarra trail on hybrids. But they were there and 2 or 3 laps later after we dragged Joe away from he joggers we all retired for bagels and coffee in Fitzroy.

Brendo 3 - for calling his new baby "the old moll"
Joe 2 - Chatting up the 2 girls in singlets - nice
Dave 1- for turning up despite the sledging
The rest of you - well ????

Also The Corbett 3 - for riding Blackburn North to Frankston on single speed via Eastern Freeway. "INTELLIGENCIA"


July 12 2008

3. Captain Gaylord & The Mayor - starting the ride at 8am & turning around at Brighton, cleverly positioning themselves in the palaton for the coffee break

2. Captain Gaylord - for off-field performance celebrating the Bombers win & le tour with 3 bottles of vino

1. Piffy - for his round up of the TDL

I could have scored for lack of punctuality but can't award to self - cnut rules!

Weekend 28 & 29 June 08

Advanced voting... Yes a first for TeamCnut but absolutely warranted this week

3 votes - Captain Girth for over-reacting to harmless sledging - eat on big boy

2 votes - Pauly for producing man jam

1 votes - Russman for the appreciation of the love we share & picking up quite correctly that calling Steve Stevie can be just enough to sen him over the edge

1/2 a vote for KY for having to quickly turn off the uncut version of underbelly whislt mother & sister left the house  - Kev that fuzz on the screen was a bit obvious & no point saying "it wasn't me" this time.

Let's continue to eat, love, ride (or all three at the same time) together 



Weekend 21 & 22 June 08

Weekend votes 21/22 June

3 votes Pauly, claiming weather outage on Saturday when conditions were perfect soft

2 votes Captain Gaylord for nearly riding on numerous occasions, Saturday & Sunday being just another two thinking about your girth big fella softest & almost 3 votes

1 vote KY for being in bed all weekend! Watch out for the physio

Straight to the pool room


Ride June 8 2008

KY, Pauly, Stevie, Michelle, Joe, The Archer, The Captain and The Mayor tackled the Boulevard to get away from the FIS poons on Beach Road.

Report :

A mixture of single speeds and geared bikes greeted the sunny Sunday morning of the 8th June. Pauly and the KY on their s/s's.
The testosterone was abundant when The Archer appeared, causing Joe to forget the crew and concentrate on smashing his nemesis. The Archer and Joe breakaway was settled on one of the steep boulevard hills with The Archer still having Joe's measure. KEEP TRAINING JOE!!!
The ever increasing girth of The Mayor made for pleasant cycling companionship for The Captain as both now have the same kinetic speed. KY, Pauly and Steve kept in their bunch, the single speeds "crying like babies" as Steve's pumping legs kept the other two hurting.
After a quick, one way assault on Yarra street to make a well deserved shortcut, The Mayor and Captain were greeted with a smiling Michelle who had come to ride the last............750 metres of the mornings ride and  then go for coffee. Top effort Michelle, that just earned you 3 votes.
After delicious coffee and buns at the Abbotsford convent bakery, Stevie earned himself 2 votes for wearing knicks that had been cut down by hand. Even if they hadn't Stevie, it was TOO MUCH for the eyes to behold. Finally, 1 vote to KY for his constant complaining about the pain in his "Jatz Crackers". For fuck sake Kev, buy bigger knicks, they don't have to have DE ROSA written on them to be good, just the correct size, just buy the correct size..............



Ride 31-5-08 Mordialloc "The Triple"

To Mordy it was with a fair crew : Stevie, The Piff, The Corbett, Vista, KY, Justin, Brendo and Supa having a crack in perfect conditions.

Supa returned and was very tight lipped about the whole trip. It is the mark of a man to keep his silence and this must be respected. Take that on board Joe.

Vista's half wheeling technique got him into a short verbal stoush with our best friends Flemington Cycles and when an old lady told KY "do you understand what they are talking about?", the CNUT group backed off to enjoy each other's company. This was the better option than talking their drivel about how great a group they are. Two words Flemington Cycles. In the end they were passed at speed thanks to Stevie.

"The Triple" - what is it? The votes will tell you.

3. Vista - for the verble stoush with Flemington Cycles and for the first man achieving "The Triple" - coffee at Hell's Kitchen, coffee and strudel at Pelegrinis AND 2 donuts from the market. The webmaster can vouch this and the donuts at the market - best ever. Also for his comments about Hell's Kitchen "What the fuck is this place?" 

2. The Piff - for changing his tube as a result of a puncture and actually thinking he put the punctured tube back on! Too much airplane  time for you Piffy. With his frequent jaunts to New Zealand please put in an order of alcohol for our annual cocktail party or hand over some cash to The Piff - after all he is "The Mixmaster".

1. Stevie - for his reluctance to spruik about Collingwood when inside, he was just wanting to let loose how good they are. Stevie, let it all out so we have some ammunition to get back at you!


Ride 24-5-08 The Boulevard

Coldest morning in Melbourne - EVER!

Single speed mayhem with The Captain's virgin Saturday morning ride on the Wilier Pista. Quote "This bike will never be ridden around the Boulevard again!"

Wiz, KY, The Captain, Paul and Brendo enjoyed perfect weather, except for freezing all small parts of the body. Yes Russman, the nutbags and cabana were cold. The Piff somehow decided to go to Port for reasons unknown. Maybe sone of his skeletons were riding Beach Road.

Report :

Cold. Very cold. This is what greeted the brave five, KY, Wiz, Pauly, Brendo and the Captain that ventured out to the boulevard on their single speeds and other "steeds of choice."
First, the magnificent new WILIER PISTA must be commented on. A beautiful Ferrari red, 48/16 drivetrain and the sexiest frame and rider you are likely to see in a long time!
Two laps of the boulevard for the Wilier whilst the others did three, but the Captain knows how not to push his body too hard.
Ky was in full strength, pulling away from the usually stronger Pauly, whilst Wiz just sweated it out...literally. How any man can sweat so profusely when it's 3C and the wind's in your face I don't know! Brendo attracted yet another Nuffy who was "just walking around" in shorts, T shirt and black, lace up dress shoes riding his mountain bike. He was most fascinated with Brendo's..........light! And pump! Exciting!
Back to Lygon street for coffee, where Pauly earned himself 3 votes.  Carlton, Lygon street, coffee, and Pauly chooses..... Browns!  GAY!!! The MG family mobile is changing his bohemian ways. Further coffee at another new cafe in Brunswick, 2 votes to KY who the entire morning constantly bags the new Wilier! Too nice, not retro enough, too red, wrong gearing, too perfect, not hardcore, just a show pony bike.  Get over it KY, you ride a KONA for Gods sake!
Finally 1 vote Brendo. Why? For continuing a conversation with the pump and light admiring Loon at Kew. Just walk away Brendo, just walk away........
Also 1 vote to The Piff - wrong place, wrong time

Ride 17-5-08 The Boulevard

7:00am Club Young for The Boulevard for single speed mayhem or gears!

CALLED OFF - Inclemate weather

No ride does not necessarily mean no votes :

3. The Captain - he has finally received the Wilier Pista after 40 e-mails, but was clueless on how to put it together and set it up. The boys in "My Mountain" set him up and The Captain told them to set it up so that it makes him look good, comfort was secondary. The Italian GDP has dramatically increased due to this purchase. The Australian economy also increased after they slammed some heavy import duty on him! What's the go with that Wiz?

2. Adrian - for purchasing would you believe 2 new bikes which may never set foot on tarmac. We look forward to you getting back in form and destroying the rest of the crew.

1. KY - for some some stupid reason purchased Dave's old Gitane for $100 only to discover that it is an old postie bike. Nice work on the Gitane stickers! Anyone want to buy it? 


Ride 10-5-08 Mordy

The Captain, Pauly, Wiz, Brendo and new rider Justin left Club Young 7:00am for the ride to Mordy.

Some made it, some didn't, some over cooked, some raw.

Votes :

3. The Captain - for once again managing to not complete a full ride. This time blowing his "Wilier" tyres and embarressing himself at Cafe Racer. He is now known as "Cocksucker" at Cafe Racer.

2. Brendo - for somehow blowing up on the road to Mordy and then taking the lead of a large group doing 40 kmh on the way back! Work that out!

1. Justin - for hanging back on the road to Mordy and attempting to blow us away at Mordy. Also for using tri-bars. Not an option!



Ride 3-5-08 Yarra Bend

Wiz, Pauly, Brendo & KY ventured to the Boulevard for a few laps.

Nothing really exiting except for a near head on, single speed punctures, lost hats, female lycra wearing boot camps, Flemington Cycle poons thinking the boulevard was theirs only, smart arse waiters and smelly travellers looking for cash to get to Albury. What can I say, you had to be there!

There were some legitimate excuses from some CNUTs such as The Corbett exercising his skeletons in the Hobart CBD, Super on the plane to the Dolomites or Macca introducing a new rider to his famous rolling spews. Other than that - shithouse effort from others but to be expected. 

Votes :

3. Wiz - otherwise known as the "suburban boy". He asked for his next latte at Marios in Brunswick Street to be hotter with the reply from the waiter that was a typical suburban comment from Chadstone. No tip was left for you you turd. Wiz also felt guilty about not giving a beggar any money so he started looking for him and when he did find him he donated $10. Is a king brown more than $10 with the price increase? Doesn't matter when the beggar told him it was for a trip to Albury. Enjoy that lager and make sure the brown paper bag is put in the recycling bin.

2. Brendo - was happily riding along and then went missing. We thought he turned with the boot camp but needed food when there was only half a lap to go.

1. Pauly - the mechanic was needed on this outing and lucky he was there. The retro king lead from the front on his single speed bitch.

Special mention to the female runner who somehow managed to be in front of us at every turn. Very tidy and even impressed the 'Suburban Boy'. The comment remained the same "it's still overated!"


Ride 26-4-08 - Mordy

It was the return of Macca, together with Vista, Wiz, Joe, The Captain, Super and KY for the ride to Mordy. Nothing really to report except for the news that Macca is now friends with the pink Specialised riders. The treble was completed with coffees in St Kilda, Pellegrinis and Hell's Kitchen followed by the DT's on the ride back to Moonee Ponds.

Votes are :

3. Joe - for turning around before Black Rock. He did not want to ride up the incline from Black Rock - SOFT!

2. Super - for increasing the administration costs at the Brotherhood from 20% to 25% in one trip to Italy. He tried to explain why the Brotherhood are paying. Absolutely non sensical explanation it was.

1. The Captain - for sleeping in, then catching us and telling us it was a great ride. Yes it was, if you do half the kilometres and at your slow pace!

Wiz - snoozing after another night of poker

Vista - are they breasts?

Macca - yes, without Jarman the Crows are no good



Ride April 19 2008

Pre races ride to Boulevard with Joe, Super, KY, Pauly, new Steve and the late waker Adrian. Yes, the spelling is correct - he failed to get out of bed on time. It was a full on wool, safari suits, full SCC club kits and single speeds attack on the short climbs in perfect weather. This was followed by coffee in Smith Street and Brunswick. The Smith Street cafe should be noted for the girl knitting at 8:30am whilst having a latte. Very unusual behaviour.

Pauly's votes :

3 Votes - KY for riding on that lunatic vertebrae snapping gearing around Kew B, leading from the front and taking no short cuts

2 votes to AC for staying cool after catching a form guide in the eye.

1 vote to Steve (new guy) for telling us we are a good lot to ride with while injured. Next time he will feel differently - guaranteed.

Or alternatively
3 votes for the girl with the rack from paradise
2 votes for the waitress at Rays with real rack from paradise
1 vote for the blonde in the Porsche 911 convertible who showed us what she was made of and thought she was in paradise

Special mention to the wives for not clobbering anyone for the wandering eyes at the races.  

Wool and Safari - a beautiful combination!



Ride to Mordy April 12 2008

Very few starters as many of the crew had excuses - some legitimate and others extremely questionable. The weather was perfect so if they couldn't get their arse moving today they probably never will, especially with winter on the way. The Corbett now has a complex that no one wants to ride with him. His message "two words" to those who refuse to ride with him.

So it was only Super, The Piff, The Corbett and KY at Port Melbourne for the ride to Mordy. KY and The Piff had a "poo off" to start with with the Piff winning handsomely and the loss of weight paid off. A large pack formed wth The Corbett and KY doing an 18km turn at the front. No one behind offered to take a turn and when it was forced the poons behind refused to take the front. Maybe they couldn't hear the calls over Super's heart rate monitor going out of control or KY's new chain and cassette sounding like a freight train. The Corbett finished off the run to Mordy with his customary 1km time trial which ended up about 3km. Some poon behind said "nice tail wind". Around the 15km mark at the front it didn't feel like a tail wind so next time you ride behind us you have 2 options - say "thank you" or "NOTHING"! Hopefully you read this you dickhead. 

Again on the way back The Corbett made the call "only 25kmh all the way". Needless to say it didn't happen. The Corbett and KY did the bulk of riding at the front once again but to their credit Super and Piff had some turns up front. Super needed to turn that heart rate monitor off as he was upsetting the group.  Finally a fast group went past and in CNUT tradition we went with it without worrying about the consequences. The speed was over 40kmh into the wind when Super the Dolomite King exploded wth a large mushroom cloud. KY and The Corbett held their own (with some difficulty) and The Piff yo yo'd off the back. The Piff showed his superior "traffic light timing" to finish ahead somehow. Brilliant tactics.

We then waited for the Dolomite King and headed into "Hell's Kitchen". The new look Corbett attempted to take some pedestrians out "New York" style. He was lucky not to take out 2 or 3 as he rode onto Flinders Lane. We were made to feel very welcome at the Kitchen, not scary at all (The Captain would still shit himself) and then headed off to Pellegrinis. Strudel once again was magnificent. The Pellegrinis King, Russ was missed and they will be doubling the cream serving for him next time.

Super did the Melbourne Roubaix later in the day and came home in a respectable position. Next year the plan is for all CNUTs to race this event. We will each need a women's bike which will be fitted with road or track bars. Keep your eye out for a bargain and our mechanic, Pauly, will do his best to get it going.

Votes for this week :

3. Piffy - for superior traffic light technique and for saying he was rooted, then having a crack for another km. This was due to no one wanting to take the front. A pity his beloved Blues haven't got his heart.

2. The Corbett - for being a machine and supposedly unfit due to a predominately liquid diet. Watch out when he is fit and on a new bike.

1. Super - for stating that he will be refusing to shave his legs for the Dolomites, for that damn heart rate monitor and for attacking the lane ways of Melbourne in the Melbourne Roubaix without tattoos and having coffee instead of beer after the race. (Probably had a Baileys on ice when he got home).


Mordy 5-4-08

It was the standard ride to Mordy amongst the poon mayhem .

Fair crew : KY, The Captain, The Mayor, The Piff, The Armadillo, Wiz, The Bunbury (Hong Kong) Flyer, The Combi King, Brendonovitch & new rider Paul Rapido.

The crew joined into a massive group on the way down and did not bother to get into the lead. Too many "gung ho" poons for our liking and it was only Joe who had a 'crack' in passing the 70 odd riders to get to the front. Well done to the dickhead who passed a car on the right to sprint. KY thought it would be a good wheel to follow but no - another poon who overrates himself. On the way back to St Kilda into the wind Brendo and Wiz decided to head the group of 40 odd up one of the small incline but the words "ROOTED" were heard in the middle of the pack. It was return to Europa and true to form the coffee was crap but the donuts were good. Vista did not agree and still would rather the Vic Market donuts - not Spanish style though. We needed good coffee so Pellegrinis it was, with cream and a touch of strudel. If anyone needs a nice umbrella for winter The Captain spotted one at the men's store next door - $495! Two words to the owner of that clothing shop - G.. F.....

Votes for this week :

3. Pauly - rode the single speed with the new '44' chainring. Was spotted doing 46kmh on the road to Mordy. Is that possible? Can legs actually rotate that quick? They must be able to but on Sunday paid dearly for it.  

2. The Mayor - at different times on the ride he looked like a mix of Chairman Mao and Rocky Balboa. He had the slit eyes and puffed eyes. He has been in worse condition riding but he sounded crap and looked like crap. The question is can he ride after a quiet night? We will never find out.

1. Wiz - for his hill climbing abilities once again on show. He and Brendo had a crack up the hill with a large peleton behind. Needless to say he was ROOTED and also caused some mayhem behind. Nice work!



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Weekend Ride 29 March 08

The return of traditional Melbourne weather saw a dedicated and hard core group of cyclists attack beach road. While other lower quality riders from the team stayed home in bed, the true cream of the crop rode on. Hitting the elements today was Mr Synthetic Grass (KY), Jeff Moon - the Superior Poon, and 'The Corbett'.

A good start with KY destroying the public toilets at Port Melbourne with his usual morning bowel movements. A relatively easy ride into Mordy tailing some poons and trying to avoid useless cyclists with high pants. This weather brings out the nut bags.

No stopping at Mordi, with a turn and go and a head on assault into the wind. KY and AC spent the majority of the ride back to Melbourne doing 1k sessions in front. The Superior One spent his time waiting for the right opportunity to pounce and used the domestiques to his benefit.

First stop was Hells Kitchen for coffee as a warm up to the main event. A short ride up Collins Street and through some of the city's finest laneways brought the now tiring crew to its new spiritual home of Pelligrinis to feast on the heavenly delights of Strudle, Cream and super caffinated beverages.

The team split and went their own way home into the weather. All that Caffine had AC pushing a 180bpm resting heart rate. With all drugs of interest, what makes you go up will make you come down and at the time of writing this review I am struggling to keep my eyes open.

This weeks votes:

3 - KY
2 - Super
1 - 'The Corbett'

The rest of you need to take a good hard look at yourselves. Anyone can ride on a fine summer day.

Weekend Ride 22-3-08

Saturday saw the return of The Captain (with new bald nut), The Corbett (no training but destroyed everyone near Mordy), The Piff (suprisingly considering Richo did a number on his beloved Blues) and in his non riding position, Director Sportif, Macca (fair abuse from the comfort of the driver's seat).

 The Captain's report :

The Captain, KY, Pauly, Wiz and the very pissed Russman left in the dark from Club Young on a cold but fine Saturday morning to meet up with the Port Melbourne group of The Corbett, Brendo, Piffy and Super.

As the crisp morning air embraced us, a good clip of approx. 35kmh made for a good run down to Mordy.
The intoxicated Mayor who had been drinking until 4am that morning was in full voice with many a "HOW GOOD IS THIS!!!!" to be heard as well as the famous Russman laugh.
By Mordy, we had stuck together and arrived at the same time, an unusual feat, to take refreshments and discuss the coffee stops for the return journey. Russman took it on himself to ring Macca at 8.20am to abuse him for not riding, a call Ashlyn appreciated at that time of the morning.
On the ride back to St.Kilda, the pack split at Mentone with the fasts surging ahead due to some inconvenient red lights caught by the back of the group. Russman, Brendo, The Captain and Piffy were riding together when a Toyota Klueger pulled up along side and screamed a verbal assault at us. Before retaliating, we realised it was Macca looking resplendent in his RayBans and designer T shirt doing the hard kilometres in his 4WD. That just earned him 3 votes!
By the time the back four arrived at the SeaBaths to meet the others for coffee, Russmans alcohol induced vibrancy had worn off and he looked like shit. Still he made it and didn't complain and that earned him 2 votes.
After $86 dollars of coffee and toast was consumed (yes, that's right, $86!), a further ride, one of the most bizzare, out of the way routes to Pelligrini's for better coffee and Strudel was decided. KY went to the toilet and excitedly told us of the shop at the end of the street called KUNTS and thought a photo with the team out the front was in order. Upon arriving at the store, it was called KUNIS and KY just earned himself 1 vote for being a dickhead who needs better glasses! Still, a team photo was taken anyway, see Poons of Cnut.
A great morning ride in perfect conditions.
Macca: 3
The Mayor:2
KY: 1

Weekend Ride 16-3-08

2008 Otway Classic

For summary see "Epic rides"

For photos see "Poons of CNUT"

The Mayor's Voting :

- Wiz- For the comment     " You can touch your own shit, that's ok. But anyone else's, that's not ok"
- Vista for being unable to dismount at Aireys Inlet. This came with the dirtiest look which we gather was because he said at least 5 times after Lorne. "Where the F*CK is this next town. Is there a town? How far is it. Kev said just the next town like it was around the corner, not  F&%^$cking 20 km away up and down hills" 
- Supa  For saying to Wiz and I up Anglesea Hill , just stay on my wheel I'll drag you up".  Yeah well up Hill it doesn't work tossbag, there's something to keep in mind so I don't shoot your white arse next time or pull your dacks over your head.!
- Kevin for taking photos over his shoulder whilst riding.... of the sky we think. The camera certainly wasn't aimed at us!
- Joe for sending us pictures of Grid girls whilst some of us were crying from cramping, or were the tears from missing out on what Joe was doing?? Hope you got sunburn and fell over Joe.
- Id give some votes to Stevie but we never saw him after the first 3 kms. We do have his prescription sunglasses. Did some handy work on them Stevie. let me know what you think of those new frames. And the stain on them. Well Ill leave that to Kevo to explain.
- No 2624. Kevos mate. He must get a mention for being the biggest tosser of the day. Him and his Harry High pants buddies who just pushed their way in and pushed anyone else out.    
- The old bloke who kept burning me up the hills and reminding me everytime. Didn't see him after the Otway hills because I was sitting on Jason's arse at 80 km/h holding on for dear life down into Lorne.
- I could go on but better do some work or go to pub and drink more beer. 3 votes for the Torquay PUB. -3 Votes for that Horse that is still running and lost us $100 bucks
Great day. Highly recommend it although would suggest I do a shit load more training next time!!!
Last but not least. Kevo for driving  and cleaning Angus' backside after a very serious JOBBY was loaded into them.  As Wiz says, You can touch your own shit, but someone else's................. 
Paul's reply :
"and votes to Russ for top and tailing the ride with 10 beers at either end"
Joe's votes :
"3 votes to me for falling out of the pub after the Grand Prix inflicting some nasty gravel rash on my palm & minor grazing to the knees – no not from what you were thinking!"

Final Voting (Different voting for Epic ride - see Constitution of CNUT) :

6. Vista

5. The Mayor

4. Super

3. Wiz

2. Jason

2. Pauly

1. Joe

1. Stevie




Weekend Ride (s) 9-3-08

Pauly, KY, The Mayor, Joe, Super and Brendo ventured into the feral territory of the Dandenongs on Saturday 8-3. This time the route was planned by Brendo and apart from tackling 1/20 without a warm up the ride was very good. Good planning saw us decending "The Wall" instead of riding up and memories of Jason passing a car haunted us. The second climb started with Brendo cranking the music up upsetting the poons in front of us. I suppose Billy Joel is enough to make anyone angry except for that one half decent song he wrote. The coffee stop was again at the cafe known as the "best ever" and Joe's legendary persuasive skills allowed us to photograph the owner.

Votes and comments as supplied by the Bunbury Flyer :

Back to the Dandy hills at the request of Brendonabitch, & YES he is onehellava bitch, for some fun in the sun.

 Voting was hard fought with many “special” incidents occurring which may have gone unnoticed to the untrained eye


  1. Brendonabich for 1. making us start at the bottom of the 1 in 20 (idiot); 2. riding no hands at 50km/hr+ - apparently checking text messages & 3. for still having absolutely no certainty about the route – if this continues you will be banished to the c-nut sin bin

2.   Kev for his continual impersonation of Chairman Mao at a local Chinese spitting contest – poor bugger soldiered on whilst nearly choaking on those big green buggers and was only too happy to share the spray around – onya Kev

 1 – Supa for 1. being late with some lame excuse & 2 for attempting to ride off without his rear wheel – will be sent to the Brotherhood Bin if this form continues

Most improved – Russ is starting to look dangerous.  If he tempers piss consumption he will be unstoppable!

Special mentions – Girl in the café – best place on earth (see photo). Also minus 1 vote to the following:- Adrian (soft cock warbi trail rider); Piff (on the nest) and Stevie (off shagging a tree that got in the way on one of the “Bikely” routes)

Good luck to the Otway riders this week.  Remember if it gets too hard & hot just stop & go for a beer.  Looking forward to hearing how the plans to stick together go as they have never worked in the past!!


Monday 10-3 saw the reappearance of The Captain and The Armadillo (Vista). Wiz, Super, The Mayor and KY headed to Black Rock for a short burst. No real highlights except for meeting Vista's new mate, Brian. Brian reeled off approximately 30 suburban football teams to get some connection with Vista, names were thrown around, but no, there was no connection! It was noted Brian was a school teacher AND an AFL umpire. This mix did not agree with Wiz at all who has a history of umpire bashing. From the side view of Brian initially talking to Vista he seemed excited with his new friend. He also gave us a showing of "holding the man". mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

Vista, be concerned.


Weekend Votes 2-3-08

Not many of us out on the road this weekend but there were a few vote catchers.

Russ and KY ventured to the boulevard early Saturday morning. The Mayor prepared a little harder this week and attemped to ride the hills after 2 hours sleep. He was in terrible form and was lucky to get as far as he did - one lap! Check the award page out. The spew award has been added to as he coughed up a lung only to swallow it again!

Brendonovitch and Super attempted he HHCC and rode up Mt Buller. Super says he went well but with Brendo well behind there were no witnesses.

Votes for  this week as supplied by Super :

3. Brendo - for asking the MTB rider who flew past him...."How light is hat carbon frame?" The answer being "it's stock standard alloy"....then the comeback....."Fuck, does it come with an engine?"......"NO, only someone who can ride up hills!!!"

Theme - do not mess with MTB Skanks

2. Super - For actually doing the ride under 3 hours. Again, this was not witnessed and anyway, the average was under 2 hours so don't over-rate yourself Super.

1. The Mayor - for getting out of bed and riding after a HUGE night. He was dirty on himself for not being able to ride as he can but he did pass a couple of older riders who had passed us. After that, GORN!!! A photo was required as he was attempting to throw up in the bushes. That's what I call having a go!


Weekend Votes 23-2-08

Absolute perfect riding weather again. KY, Russman and Super ventured to Mordy with the rest of the poons of the world while some others were getting angry with the off road climbs in the Otways. On arrival in Port Melbourne Super was already on the way, so much for waiting 2 minutes but that was kept in the memory banks for later in the ride. By the way we saw that poon with the Pinarello Prince - he let us pass this this time! The pace was steady and we left it to some poons up the front all the way. It was a tail wind so even though you looked good at the front, it would have been no huge effort. Anyway, Super gave the call for the sprint when one of his mates went past so absolutely no respect was shown. Joe - you would be proud of that. On the way back into the wind, Super went BANG! and then came a volley of excuses. Russman's words of wisdom and vote : 

"Supa. For more excuses than we have done miles. Blaming the mayor for not signaling for a bump, a bird flying, an airplane over head, even a car parked in a side street! He was destroyed by the fat mayor and is soft!"


"A  vote for the husbands who dragged us down to Mordy. Who we disgracefully burnt on the sprint. Disgraceful behavior, I will point out that Supa instigated this. Another vote for him."

 It was cream with a touch of strudel at Pellegrinis followed by early morning ales at KY's front porch admiring the new artificial grass. Then followed by ales in the afternoon admiring the artificial grass. Russman - webmaster has run out of wheat beer so you will be pleased. A great effort by the CNUTs in the Otways and a report to come. (see photos in MTB Skanks to check out the weather).

Votes for this week :

3 each to the Otway boys, Pauly, Jason F and Jason A for gutsing it out in crappy weather at the Otway Oddesey MTB ride.

Jason A rode as we know he can, when we see him (usually only at the beginning of a ride), finished 45th out of 800. If there is any gambling on these rides let's get on the Arch! 

Jason F finshed showed his usual grit and finished at 265. Maybe he was playing with us when he refused to ride up to Kinglake.

Pauly failed to finished due to the fact he failed to call at KY's for the Zulu cramp stop tablets. We know Pauly would have busted his balls to finish and for next year we will make sure he is trained and juiced up!

1 vote has to go to Super - we know why and he knows why. He is venturing to the HHCC at Buller this week so can't wait for the excuses!

The Pellegrini King!