Team C-NUT

Everybody has our measure

The Rant

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391 Comments

Reply Douglascap
9:11 PM on November 11, 2017 
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Reply The French Doper
6:26 AM on February 20, 2017 
Saw you riders on beach Road last weekend. You need to pull your heads in as you are fucking acting like wankers.
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11:45 AM on January 27, 2017 
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Reply Ryno
7:40 PM on February 2, 2014 
Great to catch up with you Prowlers, something wasnt right though??? ................... anyway, was fun doing what you lot do so well, gettting lost, losing each other, going around in circles, nil 'next turn Ryno', Pauly still unshowered since the his last CAV visit, throw in some tram tracks for the tourist and dimmies, what happend to the dimmies?? ............... what was it that didnt seem right???.... just cant put my finger on it......... anyway......... riding Ryno's in FED Square, fabio type coffee shops and ros'e on the Mayors front lawn.... grouse weekend.
Thanks ladies and gents, KY and Russ outstaning hosts once again. I've got it, I know what wasn't right............ No 'he, he, he, how good's this'- Ole mate Russ was more like mumbles from Dick Tracey or Strop on a bike, fair effort Russ!
Really enjoyed the ride, thanks for turning out.
Ryno
Reply supa
6:23 AM on August 15, 2012 
didn't know you still owned that bike.....
Reply Supa
12:15 AM on April 23, 2012 
yeah that was Piff
Reply Kung Fu Master
12:28 AM on February 28, 2012 
Think I saw you blokes in the Dandenong hill last weekend. You are very strong boys.
Reply The Captain
4:56 AM on January 8, 2012 
Archie, you are my literary hero! You summed up and dismissed my arguments brilliantly and I have no comeback. Thank you for explaining. After I return from Phuket, I will ride at any time, with no complaining. I love you all too! Seriously, I do.
Captain.
Xxx
Reply Archie Brown
4:55 AM on January 8, 2012 
Oh Dave,

Please don't get cranky with us. We haven't changed. The stupid Croweaters have ruffled our competitive feathers and I for one, want to hand their arses back to them having broiled them in a jus of their own tears, lactic acid and ballsweat. And once we're done, we'll let the hair grow out on our legs and fill our bidons with beer.

I am hearing you on flat vs hills - but I would contend that the reason we ride hills a bit more is because riding Beach Rd is SH!T. Seriously. Its an bum-party of useless, angry, colour coordinated posers on 12K Mosers who collectively smoke so much c0ck they breathe spunk instead of air.

By contrast, reaching the summit of anything in the bright cool air of the early morning gives you that sense of real riding.
It's that little feeling of achievement that follows a bead of sweat through your chest hair to your man-tools to give you a tiny tingle - reminding you that you've done something worthwhile with your morning. And fcuk getting to the top first. Fcuk replacing conversation with gulps of oxygen. Exchange witty barbs with whomever you like and we'll all still wait for you. Damnit, chances are, you could jibber-jabber all the way and still end up waiting for somebody else.

Because that's what the Cnutters do. We love each other. There are groups I ride with that bolt along at 50+, in perfectly formed pacelines and treating hills like sprint points on the velodrome. Exhilarating? Yes. Fun? No.
The Cnuts are together not because we all ride like pro's or have the same goals and aspirations. We're a team because we like one another, with the notable exception of you.

We LOVE you.

So come out with us on our next ride. Hills or no. I'll even keep note of the time gap and take off 20 odd minutes for you - then we'll all give you a long hug, lasting about 10 seconds longer than can be still considered heterosexual.

X
Reply KY Gel
1:54 AM on January 6, 2012 
No response - I am bored.

The good thing is at least you have come out of your eating, sleeping, operatic, ballet hibernation and are passionate about cycling again.

.....and good to see you are a spokesman for the other riders. About time you stood up.
Reply The Captain
1:53 AM on January 6, 2012 
Fair email, but you are in la la land.

Point 1. Er, Brendo told me this week he no longer does the Saturday ride with us cos he needs to get up at 4.50am!
I'm sure Piffy would be a similar time.
Pauly would prefer a little later start as well, he told me he struggles to get motivated at that time.
Supa doesn't want the 6.30 time, hence tomorrows ride.

Point 2. Read the email carefully, I said AROUND the 5 am. In truth, I set the alarm for 5.45 to get up, force down some form of carbohydrate, feed my cat and dog, get dressed, then ride to your house! Remember, we leave from your house, you can start from my house if you like and see what time you need to get up! You say you love to start early to "get the ride over and done with!" yeh, that sounds like social riding and not a chore.
Chores are what you want to get "over and done with".

Point 3. Me delusional?
You think you are riding slower than ever before?????
I have had more than five Cnutters comment on how unbelievably strong you are these days and how you are a "freak" cos you are like a freight train at the front that never gives up and you are like a machine!! You are the delusional one. Your strength has made you lose touch with reality on how a social ride can feel! You are strongest of all except a few hard core riders, (Joeys group et al, "join them if you dare!")

Point 4. Smashfest. Not just a word. The last five or six rides I have not attended you rang me too tell me "it was hard, real hard!" "We were doing 50kmh on the way back!" "Ask Wizz about the ride to Williamstown, he was bleeding!" "We killed Pinna at Macedon last week, he had nothing left!"
Yeh, sounds like fun team riding.

Point 5. Read the email carefully dumdum, I don't want to START at 8 am, I am meeting Supa AT 8am, in Port Melbourne, ie. About a 7.30 start!

Point 6. At least three members now have Garmins. Didn't you get one for Xmas?????? You told me you did!

Point 7. Most weekends I am told to increase my cadence so as to keep up or suggest a different chainring size, or to change to compacts to "keep up in the hills" (which I did change), or to gear up and spin more. All good advice, taken on board and appreciated. Or we could just do less than 45kmh and stick together when we are having a Saturday social ride.

Point 8. I'm not talking about the poons we pass, I am talking about the groups that pass us! If a group passes US, we do not have to "get on board" if we were already comfortably riding TOGETHER at 30 odd km/h.

Point 9. Finally the weather. Wind generally picks up at around late morning (11ish) so we would be back home by then. Early morning revellers are far more dangerous on the road in the early morning light not expecting cyclists.
It's still a clearway on Beach road until 10.30, drivers are more aware later morning. And as for hotter conditions, at least the extra sun will allow for a real tan instead of having to rely on the fake bottled stuff!

I await some ridiculous response from the webmaster.
The Captain.
Xx
Reply KY Gel
1:52 AM on January 6, 2012 
Fair e-mail, but you are delusional.

Questions/comments :

Who gets up at 5am to be ready at 6:30am? Do you need a shower and make up?
Donuts - we had them last time we were down Beach Road. Just so happens you don't ride all that much. We have continued to eat donuts when we are there.
We still have a beer after the ride so yeah, it's all about getting picked up by a pro team.
Smashfest? - It's only a comment, not that we do it. We have not changed our riding, only the Corbett kilometre is missed.
Some of us have do a little training for Adelaide. Any issues with that? Personally, I am sure I am riding slower than ever before.
We still mock - especially those with carbon wheels.
We never ever started at 8am. Give me a date.
Who talks about cadence?
How many of us have Garmin's?
We pass others so that we ride at the front of groups to avoid riding with loud mouth poons and the crashes. Would have thought that was sensible?

Enjoy the later time for the ride. Enjoy the wind when it's gets up later in the morning, the hotter conditions, and the increased traffic.
Yep, a lot safer.
Reply The Captain
1:49 AM on January 6, 2012 
We all like to ride.
I started riding with the original Cnutters nearly ten years ago.
I loved it, the ride, the social camaraderie, the coffee, the donuts, the sh*t talk.
My how things have changed.
Now the social riding is gone.
We now must get up at around 5am to be ready.
We don't ride long flat social rides anymore.
We now have "smashfests".
We now try and keep our hearts just under our maximum bpm's.
We only ride mountains or at least hills!
We don't talk on the rides much, we MUST try and beat the group ahead of us!
We talk about our cadence and our crank length and carbon and SRAM and map our best times on our Garmins and the compare our previous times and bpm's and distances and gradients!
We have to find bigger hills, ride faster, become stronger, drink skinny lattes (because that extra 65 calories in full cream milk might make a big difference when it come to a sprint!) We must ride and train as though Greenedge might call us up!
We have become everything the original Cnutters used to mock.
In 2012, I suggest a change sometimes.
Return to our roots.
Tomorrow, for example, The Captain and Supa are meeting at the gentlemens hour of 8 o clock at the corner of Kerferd road and Beaconsfield parade.
It is not 6.30am.
Our heart rates will still rise.
We will still be exercising.
We will have fun and talk sh*t and drink full cream milk lattes and maybe eat a donut.
We will not be riding as if we are training to join the elite, professional peleton.
We will not try and beat each other or any other cyclist.
We will ride at a good clip, down beach road...............socially.
Anyone care to join us and get back to the original mantra of the Cnuts, come along.
Remember our motto!
"Everyone has our measure!"
Hope to see some of you there.
Here endeth the lecture.
The Captain.
Reply KY Gel
4:52 PM on January 5, 2012 
Ryno, fully shaved from the neck down. Only a light tan this year as planning to get fried in the hills of Adelaide. No doubt Jaffa will be fluro orange.